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I had to do the same thing, someone I'd known for 30 years -- she was just using me to talk about what was going on in her life without one care about my life. The last time we went to lunch, I realized she didn't care who was sitting across from her as long as everything was about her.
Came home called a good friend and just ranted -- my friend said what are you getting out of this friendship? I said nothing!
A couple of months later she called to invite me for something, told her I was busy and that was the end of that.
We did reconnect on FB a few years back, we exchanged a few posts, but neither of us pushed the friend aspect.
It's too bad a LONG term friendship had to end, but a true friend would not say those things to you or make you feel that way.
I'm 42. I accept my friends for their "flaws" and I expect them to accept me for mine. I love the funny quirks some of them have, the anxiety issues, the cluelessness, etc... What I've learned over the years is if someone who I accept as my friend and I accept them for exactly how they are but they can't show the same respect for me then I don't want to be around them. They do suck the soul out of you. I am not going to change my likes and dislikes to suit someone else. I love country music, I love to work out, I am a neat freak, I like to do my hair and splurge on expensive jeans. I am horrible with dates. I can remember stupid trivia but I can't remember birth dates to save my life.
I had a friend (who I dropped) who would comment on my hair and wearing makeup when we would meet out. Meanwhile she's wearing socks with flipflops, no makeup and her hair is in two braids like a school girl. I'm a mom and spend most days with my hair in a pony tail and in yoga pants, when I get to go out I like to look nice, it makes me feel confident. She would often make comments about my hobbies (running) or my taste in music. She tried to get me to stop running and wanted me to do weight lifting every day with her. I'm hypothyroid, running is good for my mental health. I get depressive symptoms when I don't run. I NEED it. I kept having to explain how I don't want to stop something that works well for me. I do a weight class that I've been doing for over a decade twice a week. It works for me. That class gave me great muscle tone. But she can't run and wanted to control me to do what she wanted to do. I did not judge her for being a professional student, living with her parents (she was 28), kids with different men etc....I did not judge her for her past choices. I would never had started a friendship with her I did. I thought she was funny and said what was on her mind. I always liked people like that. Then I got to know her better. If I started talking to another person as a potential new friendship she would say negative things about that person. Like she was warning me off. It made it very awkward for me because now I felt like I was NOT allowed to be friends with the other people. I could have had two friendships with women whom I really liked and had a lot in common with but she made it very difficult. I accepted her but she had to criticize me and try to change me to suit her needs. I went back home for a month during the summer with my kids while my husband was on TDY. She got upset that I was not going to be around for the summer. She stressed me out. Life is too short to allow someone to make you unhappy. She was selfish.
I would NEVER call a friend stupid. By calling you stupid it is a way to knock you down and for her to elevate herself over you. She does not respect you. If she did she would accept you flaws and all.
Firstly, no body is completely stupid and everyone is partially stupid. Everyone is differently abled, some are good in academics, some in athletics, others in fine arts, in cooking, in sewing, in business, in making others feel better etc etc. Some bloom earlier and others bloom later. Some may shine in many areas or others in almost every area or only few.
Secondly, even if it was possible, a good person wouldn't say it and specially to a friend. Drop toxic people from your life and move on.
I would NEVER call a friend stupid. By calling you stupid it is a way to knock you down and for her to elevate herself over you. She does not respect you. If she did she would accept you flaws and all.
Completely agree. Don't waste another moment with her or any of them... having no friends for a while is going to be so much better for you!
Your friend is maintaining her superiority at your expense because she is insecure. Just picture being in a lifeboat with her - you'd be the first to be heaved overboard.
Next time she asks you about something she thinks you should be updated about, tell her: "Hey, you dumb piece of plywood, did you AGAIN forget I don't follow on stupid music?" - and you'll be on par.
One of my friends (let's call her Jane) always calls me stupid when I don't remember something or when I make a mistake. She's naturally the 'cool one' in our group and she knows it. My other friend also calls me stupid but she's joking, because I know that she thinks I'm smart. Another of my friends is the ultimate dumb one in our group but I love her for it. Whenever she doesn't use common sense, I laugh affectionately and hug her. I love her for her stupidity. The others don't get it. Jane says that I have no common sense and I don't know anything. I know that I'm forgetful and not updated. But that doesn't mean I'm stupid. I mean of course I'm sometimes stupid; making stupid decisions, doing things wrong; but no need to remind me of it constantly. I hate it when she just drops it so casually like it's no big deal. She knows I don't like pop music but when she asks me if I've heard a new popular song, she always expects everyone to be updated on everything and like the things she likes. Example: Jane loves 'See You Again' and when I said I don't like it she just rolls her eyes and sighs like she's tired of me. When I say I don't like mainstream things she makes fun of me like 'oh, but Tumblr is mainstream'. When I say that I actually mean that I don't like the things that she or my other friends like. Once when my friends called me pretty, Jane said 'you must be blind' like she was amused. You might think that she was kidding but I know her well. She's always been a b*tch but I didn't mind. I still love her but it hurts when I have to talk to her or my friends and I have get-togethers. It hurts so much because she's my oldest friend and I don't want to let her go. I don't want to stop being friends with her. I just want her to understand me but I'm too scared to speak out. Scared of what she'll think. Scared of the judging. What do I do?
Sooo, what happened? Any update on your situation?
I had a friend like Jane years ago. She was a miserable so and so, and wanted to try to drag me down as well.
She got married when she was 17 and moved away shortly afterwards...problem solved!
Life is short. No one needs such negativity in their lives.
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