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Person A: This isnt working, we should seperate
Person B: (cheater) No! I love you, we will make this work through the power of our love!
Person A: didnt realize you felt so strongly, Maybe you are right.
Been there, done that.
When a person wants to leave, they leave. When a person "tries" to leave but allows themselves to be swayed in the way you describe above and then blames others for where they still are...THAT is nonsense. No one forces anyone to do jack s*it. You stay because you want to, you leave because you want to. No one is responsible for your life and your choices but you. Anything else is deflecting responsibility.
It is hard remaining friends with someone you know is cheating on their spouse, but don't judge anyone until you walk in their shoes.
Although I don't agree with what she's doing, she must have her reasons and stay out of it. That's up to her and her husband to figure things out on their own.
IMO, dropping a friend who is a cheater on his/her spouse would tell me that you aren't a true friend so it would be no loss anyways if you walked away. It's NOT about you and her/him, it's about him/her and the guy/girl on the side.
I would drop someone who cheated on their spouse, and it is not about being a "true friend". It is about what kind of person I want to be friends with. A liar and someone who betrays someone they love is not my idea of friend material.
If the husband forgives his wife, then what? The OP is out not one, but two friends, because she decided to choose sides in something that has nothing to do with her. I mean, she can't even be up front and straight with her friend about knowing what happened. That's hardly a position from which to claim a moral high ground to honesty.
I don't see it as claiming moral high ground. I see it as having a difference in values. The op's friend is not the person she thought she was.
I can think of a couple friends I've had in similar situations. Our friendships have never been the same. It wasn't a conscious decision to freeze them out. They were in situations I wasn't comfortable with. We grew distant.
In my life I have known many people who have cheated. Some of the people I know seem to have no concept of what marriage is or how to keep vows they took. I cannot tell you how many times I have answered the phone to hear a friend who is devastated because their SO has betrayed them. People who have given their all...their hearts and their trust to someone not worthy. I really have no sympathy for a cheater. Leave, be honest, but do not cheat. Maybe that is one reason I have not married yet; I know that I will not cheat, and I don't want to be with someone who can't or won't be faithful.
Location: The Northeast - hoping one day the Northwest!
1,107 posts, read 1,452,341 times
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Wow, I never thought I would get this many responses! I really hope that they can work on their marriage. Of course I don't know everything that goes on behind close doors, but like someone suggested boredom sometime plays a roll in cheating. I wonder since they don't get to spend a lot of time together (he works like 50-60 hrs a week between the two jobs) if she is bored and ended up cheating. I can't imagine it being how he treats her. But, whatever the reason is I hope they can move past it and do whatever is best for them.. marriage counseling, trial separation, etc. I do want them both happy - even if it means apart. I just wish my friend would have told him a year ago, rather than him have this heartache
Mind your own business. I don't judge my friends by the standards that I would apply to a spouse. My friends include the rich, the poor, the sensible, the foolish, the faithful, and cheaters. My life would be poorer without any of them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin
As the old saying goes "once a cheater always a cheater".
Cheating on a spouse, however, is a conscious decision. It's a decision to put yourself in a position where you can meet someone to cheat with, and then do the actual deed. Don't get me wrong. The spouse that was cheated on has some culpability in that communication and conflict resolution are a two-way street. When people cheat, it's because their emotional or physical needs are not being met. It's the unhappy spouse's responsibility to bring up their dissatisfaction, and it's the other spouse's responsibility to work with him or her to resolve their differences. If the other spouse can't or won't, then the first spouse should leave rather than cheat.
Physical 'needs.' lol.
Sometimes there are people who even when satisfied will cheat no matter what. You see this all the time in Nashville, especially the married women in bachelorette parties.
Mind your own business. I don't judge my friends by the standards that I would apply to a spouse. My friends include the rich, the poor, the sensible, the foolish, the faithful, and cheaters. My life would be poorer without any of them.
Originally Posted by seain dublin
"As the old saying goes "once a cheater always a cheater".
Not so. I would know.
I totally agree! You can't judge a person until you walk in their shoes.
And total BS "once a cheater, always a cheater"
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