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So for those that may know, i posted about my family some weeks back and I got great responses especially when it came to the name change that I wanted to do. The name change was signed by the judge, and I am in the process of doing so.
One of the traditions that we have always had is that we celebrate Easter and Christmas and our birthdays. Well mine was just the other day. I was expecting a phone call from my sister(I usually at least get that) and ....I didn't get it.
Instead, what I got was a simple text telling me happy birthday and that she would call but she didn't know if I was up, this was at 10 am and yes I was awake. I told her thanks and waited, no phone call. while that seems like not a big deal to most, to someone who has had this tradition for many years, i felt like it was messed up. At this point, for me, this is the final straw. I called my uncle and tried to at least speak with him, to see how he was doing and hear a friendly voice, I moved away 3 months ago and let him and my cousin know, both surprised that I had moved even though i let them know everything that i was doing. I had changed my phone number and he did not take it down(he has caller id), total phone time? 7 mins...
At this point, i am feeling rejected and just feel like this family is a total lost cause and an embarrassment. I want to highlight the worst things that the each member has done(we are not a big family) to provide insight.
Mother: Manipulative, angry, negative, abusive(physically and mentally), controlling. Once i moved out, refused to have anything to do with me, assaulted an ex, assaulted my grandmother, would regularly steal from me as a child and even after I moved out, stopped talking to me after i reported her for food stamp fraud. Makes me feel like a burden
Sister: Lies, manipulates, angry, negative, lack of empathy for me, does not reach out to me at all(I am always the one that does), thinks I throw pity parties, lack of respect, would not help me when I had surgery, told her to invite people for my graduation(i was studying for comps), said she would, then she didn't do it, so my uncles never showed up to my graduation, and nobody knew that I got my master's degree.
Aunt: Lies, bossy, controlling, told me that I took from her mother(my grandmother allowed me to move in), always condescending, i try to avoid. Told one friend of hers, that her granddaughter should NOT date me. Talks to my ex behind my back after my ex was abusive and we divorced(yes she knows this), Never liked that my grandmother helped me, she tried to kick me out of my grandmother's house, while my grandmother was in the hospital.
Three girl cousins: One has disowned our entire family, the other one is like my aunt, exactly like her in fact, she also was telling stuff to my ex as recent as 2012 also tried to set her up with someone WHILE we were married, I have disowned her, last cousin is a liar, spoiled and entitled
Two guy cousins: Like the girl cousins, they always right amongst each other, one is uppity and I have only seen his kids 1 time in 5 years, the other is extremely smart, but lacks people skills, the one that i get along with well doesn't have a cell phone, and he also hates his own race
My two uncles: Pervs, family members have said that they have told them inappropriate things. One of those people includes my sister, who STILL talks to them! My first cousin disowned my entire family because of them. That's all I got on them.
And...that's it! Thats my family in a nutshell. its pretty crazy. I think what stops me from disowning the whole lot, is that once i do, 1. There is no turning back. 2. How do you explain THIS? And thats probably my biggest hang up, people ask questions. I mean I can say my mom is deceased and I have a half sister that I rarely talk to, but other than that, I always feel like I am being judged. So after all this, yeah the bday thing seems like a drop in a bucket, but it meant a lot because at least it was something positive against all this negativity. I am ready to give this all up...what do you think?
FWIW, they know that I have since moved, only my sister has my phone number, not that I won't give it out, but they NEVER make an effort to stay in contact or ask how I am doing...as for my grandmother(god rest her soul) she was the only true mother figure that I had, she took care of me, and helped me out. I finished college because of her. I don't know where I would be with her. I love you grandma....
Last edited by SoundNinia; 05-24-2015 at 11:11 AM..
You can't choose your family. But you can choose your friends.
I don't believe in completely cutting people out of lives. It's not very mature.
Just learn to accept that this is your family, stop it with the expectations, and move on with your life in a positive way and with good friends. No reason to not go to holiday meals a few times a year. Everyone has that weird uncle or crazy family member or selfish sibling. It's life.
You can't choose your family. But you can choose your friends.
I don't believe in completely cutting people out of lives. It's not very mature.
Just learn to accept that this is your family, stop it with the expectations, and move on with your life in a positive way and with good friends. No reason to not go to holiday meals a few times a year. Everyone has that weird uncle or crazy family member or selfish sibling. It's life.
I disagree completely, why would I continue to involve myself with someone who beat the crap out of me just because I was born?
Why would I continue to involve myself with someone who was an alcoholic and thought being in prison was a much better place to live than being home and taking care of your family?
Why would I continue to involve myself with someone who had all of hix ex con friends over all the time and I had to hide under the bed so I would not be molested?
It is sometimes best to completely cut people out of your life and it is not an "immature" action.
It is self preservation and until you can relate to any of this you will never understand.
Not everyone grew up in Mayberry with Sheriff Taylor and Aunt Bea.
Your family sounds like a bunch of lossers, leave them behind and start your own path without them, move far away and never look back. life is way to short to get sucked into that kind of nonsense.
I find it difficult to believe that you cannot get along with a single member of you family, even extended family!
IF you think it is a final straw, make it so.
Sometimes you have to look at the common denominator...that is you.
Personally, you were expecting your sister to invite people to your graduation, instead of doing it yourself...and you are a masters level graduate, so you aren't stupid...I think you are coming across as lazy and entitled, and expect more than you are willing to give obviously.
You are disowning the same folks that you are demeaning because they aren't catering to you....this seems bizarre to me.
I honestly think you should go to counseling ans try to figure out what is really going on....your expecting closeness from folks you say blatantly you want to disown is very conflicting. Do this asap, before you let your misplaced anger guide you into a decision you'll regret.
Ask yourself, what am I doing to make our relationship closer....if it is absolutely nothing but sitting around resenting your family, instead of reaching out to them, then there is your answer. You get what you give in this world if you are lucky....but you can't expect anything unless you try.
I disagree completely, why would I continue to involve myself with someone who beat the crap out of me just because I was born?
Why would I continue to involve myself with someone who was an alcoholic and thought being in prison was a much better place to live than being home and taking care of your family?
Why would I continue to involve myself with someone who had all of hix ex con friends over all the time and I had to hide under the bed so I would not be molested?
It is sometimes best to completely cut people out of your life and it is not an "immature" action.
It is self preservation and until you can relate to any of this you will never understand.
Not everyone grew up in Mayberry with Sheriff Taylor and Aunt Bea.
That's a lot of rage.
I never said continue to involve yourself, I said cutting out completely isn't mature. No reason why you cannot still say "hello" for a holiday. OP is spewing a lot of hurt, yet still desired birthday calls, so OP obviously craves family.
Cut out EVERY family member? You can't get more black and white thinking than that.
Who thinks in black and white terms? Adolescents. The epitome of immaturity.
Not everyone grew up in Mayberry??? No. You don't say. I think you neglected the part where I mentioned that we all have a crazy family member, an addict member of the family, that weird uncle, etc, etc...
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I think you neglected the part where I mentioned that we all have a crazy family member, an addict member of the family, that weird uncle, etc, etc...
