Is it easier to make friends when you're older? (husbands, female, male)
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(DON'T REPLY IF YOU'RE ONLY GOING TO BE NEGATIVE!) I was thinking the other day. I have lost contact with basically all of my graduating classmates. Since graduating in 2008, I've talked to a total of three classmates. I'm not gonna lie, I wasn't the most popular guy in school. I wasn't the creepy type, but I was quiet. I wasn't a drinker and I stayed away from most parties, so that may of hurt me a bit. However, eight years later and I'm still the same person but people seem to be more understanding and I'm actually a pretty likable guy. I can actually make friends! Over the past couple of years, I've sent a few messages and friend requests to my classmates, but have had zero success. I haven't gotten any replies and those requests were all denied. I assume that the person they have assumed that I was is the same person that they still assume I am, if that makes sense? So I ask, are people more understanding as they get older? I mean, if a 15 year old comes in contact with a stranger, are they going to react and be more prone to judge than if a 25 year old were to come in contact with a stranger? It just strikes me as odd how I can easily make friends now, but wasn't able to do so in high school and still can't do so with those who I went to high school with.
The high school years---what can I say? Teens tend to be very concerned about what others think of them and how they are dressed. Not only that, but there are cliques where outsiders can't gain entry. Often, if you grew up in one town, people will remember what you did back in first grade. It's a very insular way of life---if you know what I mean.
Once people get older and become more mature, all that nonsense that went on in high school no longer matters. In fact, many are glad to put it all behind them. Once you're out on your own, you have different concerns, such has having a job, being able to make the rent, etc.
You can make friends more easily now because you are no longer defined by your high school personality. People you meet don't care what you were like in high school or how popular you were. Again---that's what happens when people mature.
If I were you, I would forget about trying to friend old high school classmates on FB. They weren't interested in being friends or getting to know you back then and now you've reached out and got rebuffed. Time to move on.
It sounds like you are now able to forge friendships or acquaintances. Just take note --- making a true lifelong friend can be difficult. When people find their life paths diverging, many don't want to make the effort to maintain friendships. For example, someone you became friends with may get married, while you remain single. When that happens, often friendships come to an end.
Won't you have a 10 year HS class reunion? You can go back then, and impress everyone with your success in life. But if people aren't responding to your FB requests, then that tells you they aren't interested in being friendly now.
This is not the end of the world. You can function very well, with many friends, as an adult. You don't need those old HS acquaintances. Move on. Make a name for yourself. Do well. You will see that HS was basically irrelevant to your life.
(DON'T REPLY IF YOU'RE ONLY GOING TO BE NEGATIVE!) I was thinking the other day. I have lost contact with basically all of my graduating classmates. Since graduating in 2008, I've talked to a total of three classmates. I'm not gonna lie, I wasn't the most popular guy in school. I wasn't the creepy type, but I was quiet. I wasn't a drinker and I stayed away from most parties, so that may of hurt me a bit. However, eight years later and I'm still the same person but people seem to be more understanding and I'm actually a pretty likable guy. I can actually make friends! Over the past couple of years, I've sent a few messages and friend requests to my classmates, but have had zero success. I haven't gotten any replies and those requests were all denied. I assume that the person they have assumed that I was is the same person that they still assume I am, if that makes sense? So I ask, are people more understanding as they get older? I mean, if a 15 year old comes in contact with a stranger, are they going to react and be more prone to judge than if a 25 year old were to come in contact with a stranger? It just strikes me as odd how I can easily make friends now, but wasn't able to do so in high school and still can't do so with those who I went to high school with.
Over the years we all change and maybe you've bevome more confident which helps with making friends. I wouldn't worry too much about not being able to make friends with old classmates. You're probably not missing much from them. Just focus onthosw who want to be your friend
I was one of the "in" crowd but after HS I left and never looked back. I have maybe 2 people that I was closest to that I hear from randomly maybe every 5 or so years. I never went back to any of my class reunions. I would have had to take time from work to fly 3600 miles for a one evening event that I didn't care much about, though I did spend a half hour on the phone with multiple classmates during the 15th reunion. It was nice to talk to them but I didn't have much in common with them. And yes, in some ways you will always be in the "box" that you were placed in when in HS with your classmates unless the difference is so startling that it breaks expectations. That's my experience.
FWIW, for many people time is the great equalizer. The nerdy/nose in books kids often enough became successes in their various fields if well chosen, the kid with ragged clothes is a millionaire, the cheerleaders got fat and have run through three or four husbands, the jocks were non-starters in life that peaked in the 12th grade, the popular kids have kids in jail or rehab. Not always but often enough the tables are turned and the deck has been reshuffled. Some winners are always winners, some losers are always losers and the rest, who knows what life has dealt out and what they made of their hand. One of my favorite movies in this regard is a silly bit of fluff called Romy and Michele's High School Reunion. It's of course told from a female perspective and is lightweight but also carries large nuggets of truth.
I'm interested in why the OP might want to reach out to former classmates that apparently weren't his friends. OP if you are having success now with people, try not to worry about your HS experience. HS is an artificial social construct that shoves too many immature, inexperienced people at one of the most vulnerable periods of their life into a cauldron of make believe. HS has zero bearing (if you let it) on what you might become. I won't downgrade the agony of defeat in that hot house environment but you have to understand it for what it was. I gave this speech to my BIL (a great guy) who apparently had similar experiences as the OP in HS. He was wondering whether to go to the reunion and worried about his prior experiences in HS.
My advice: Put it behind you. Living well is the best revenge....
I actually had the opposite problem when I went on FB. People who wouldn't hardly speak to me in HS were wanting to be my friend. I think it all depends on the individual and memories associated with the people involved, plus how much each person changed over the years.
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