What are the responsibilities of an uncle? (husband, relatives, cousins)

[GiGi603]

Originally Posted by winterbird

786man

That you are even concerned tells me that you're going to be a wonderful uncle. Caring enough to be involved means the world to the child and the parents. Do what you can, when you can. Make sure the child knows you love him/her and will always love him/her and will always be there for him/her.

[rosebyanothername]

I agree, what a sweet post! It is refreshing to hear someone be so concerned about what is expected of the role of an uncle, and especially someone your age. (You put some of us older folks to shame--me for one, as I have certainly not been the best aunt).

So much good advice has been given. I am sure you will make an awesome uncle!

[pumpkin5]

I agree sounds like you will be an awesome uncle! Find all the wonderful things about your new nephew/niece and comment on them to the parents, they need someone positive around who loves and marvels at their child like they do. As others have said give the child your time that's how you will build a relationship. I am very close to my nieces and nephews and now have 3 great nieces and a great nephew

[Nedibes]

Uncle is one of the absolute most fun family roles in existence. There are zero obligations/duties that you MUST fulfill, as others have mentioned and as you know from your own experience. If you WANT to, though, it can be a wonderful role.

My youngest brother became uncle to my twins (first grandkids in the family) when he was about your age. The main things he's always done with them are play with them, listen to them, and love them. I'm pretty sure he didn't get them any gifts when he was your age and not working full time--even now that he's a hotshot in NYC it's just token Christmas gifts. But the time he spends with them is more precious than anything.

My kids are now 12, 12, and 9, and we live thousands of miles from all three of my brothers. For the past three years, every Sunday we have "family games" where whichever of my brothers is available plays online games with the kids. We started with Webkinz, and now they mostly play Minecraft. I'm not crazy about the screentime, but they all talk while they're playing and it means they're very connected, even if we only see each other in person once a year or less. I expect my oldest brother's two boys, now ages 3 and 1, will probably join the madness in a few more years--back to Webkinz for a while!

Uncle activities, gleaned from my own uncles and brothers

Babies:

• Walk them around and show them stuff
• Talk to them, have "conversations" where they babble and then you say "really? I agree. PC games totally beat consoles" or whatever
• Rock them
• Play your favorite music for them--sing or play an instrument to them yourself if you like.

Toddlers/small children:

• Peek-a-boo
• Play wrestling*, especially where you let them pin you and pretend they're sooo strong
• Airplane*, where you fly them around in the air, either while you lay on your back on the floor and put them on your feet or where you hold them very securely and fly them around the room.
• Piggy-back rides*
• Any sort of bouncing game*
• Tickling*, in moderation.
• Sing silly songs. If you're not a big singer, just learn one goofy song and sing it to them often--it will become "your" song. Doesn't matter whether you can carry a tune.
• READ to them--just one board book (takes 5-15 minutes, depending on the book) every time you visit will make a lasting impression.

Early elementary:

• Practical jokes*, like teaching them to crawl under the table at a family gathering and tie shoelaces together. Be prepared to be the butt of this joke most often; ham it up when you take your pratfall. Remember to teach them not to pick on Grandma with the bad hip!
• Any of the above rough-house games that they are not too heavy for
• Knock-knock and other simple, clean jokes. It will take a while before they really "get" these--be prepared to laugh uproariously at "Knock Knock" "Who's there?" "Surprise!" or similar many times before the jokes that they tell are actually funny.
• Start sharing your own interests with them. Love sports? Watch those with them--take them to a game if you can. Love video games? If it's OK with your brother and SIL, find some that are age-appropriate to play with them. Etc.
• Get them treats that they don't ordinarily get, again in moderation and only if you know your brother and SIL won't really mind (like an extra scoop in their ice cream cone when they usually only get one , not a bacon cheeseburger when their family is kosher vegan )

Older kids:

• Keep in touch
• Find an activity you both enjoy and can share, like a favorite cartoon, sports, video games, movies, musical theatre, whatever
• Get to know them as people, and let them know you as a person
• As you get more involved in your own life, and have your own kids, these relationships will get less of your time and attention. That's normal and OK, but maintain the connection if you can. Get your niece/nephew(s) involved in your own kids' lives in the same way you were involved in theirs.

Obviously you don't need to do all or any of the above, and there are lots of other cool things you could do instead. Just have fun with them in whatever way makes the most sense to you. You're already on track to be a wonderful uncle--enjoy it!

(IMPORTANT NOTE: Don't do the rough-housing activities close to naptime or bedtime unless you want to be known as the "bad uncle"! )

[thinkalot]

Originally Posted by Liberty2011

And some families want more than that. My coworker's teenage brother is babysitting her kids for the summer, so feeding and changing diapers is all part of it. She gets a trusted family member to care for the kids, he gets an income.

The OP's life isn't changing. I didn't advise him to become the live-in nanny, good grief. But there's no reason not to bond with the baby from birth.

That's too bad for those families. Who the hell are they to decide?

Never have a teenage boy babysit. How many horror stories has there been about the so called "trusted" uncle?

He is 17. Let the OP have a normal teenage life and not get conned into watching the kid so the parents can go somewhere.

[nightcrawler]

As an uncle you dont have to do anything. I would NOT recommend changing a baby or anything like that, that is NOT your responsibility at all. I would never do that.

I am very close with one of my uncles, even at my old age, actually more so than my father....

but every child connects differently to their uncle.

I have 3 nephews on my side, that wont even come near me, maybe because my sons dont really get along with them, i dont know, and dont care.

then I have 17 neices and nephews from my partners side, they hang all over us.

[Ts rules]

Quit making your choices and responsibilities someone elses guilt ridden liabilities. A_s wipes

[Ts rules]

Quit making your choices and responsibilities someone elses guilt ridden dilema

[Cida]

What a nice post!

You have no codified responsibilities. However, if you want to be a good, participating uncle, that would be wonderful. It certainly doesn't require major gifts. You could try and see if you like spending time with the baby (and even if you don't like it, you will still compliment your brother and sister-in-law on how cute the baby is). When the baby is older, maybe around 3 or 4, that's when you can step in - playing with it, reading to it, taking it to the park. And when it's even older, maybe 7 or 8, that's when you also start listening. Maybe you'll be the kind of uncle to take it on expeditions, like a trip to the movies or the museum, or secretly going shopping to buy Christmas presents for the parents.

It's all up to you.

[MinivanDriver]

You teach them how to smoke cigars, cuss and tell them that their old man ain't all that. Seems to have worked for me.