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Being a maid of honor does not automatically mean endless hours of work. And, if it does start to become endless hours of work then talk to the bride and tell her that is unreasonable.
The maid of honor is not a wedding planner and do not let anyone tell you differently.
My maid of honor showed up to the wedding, and helped me that weekend, and made me happy by her presence. She had absolutely no tasks whatsoever. Sometimes the MOH helps plan a wedding shower and sometimes they do not. Sometimes they help plan a bachelorette party and sometimes they do not. A MOH is primarily to help the bride with last minute things the weekend of the wedding and to love and support her, it is not like having a part time job for several months.
Last edited by germaine2626; 08-20-2015 at 07:00 PM..
1. Chores
2. Being expected to meal prep
3. Taking care of my siblings, younger brother (helping him lose weight)
4. Being advertised to do things without my approval
5. Maid of Honor Duties (Basically means I'm the wedding planner)
6. Possible Divorce
As a parent, all I can say, you raise these little brats hoping when they grow up, they will help you and take care of you. And it ain't happening here
If you don't pay for your room fair market price, and contribute towards household expenses, don't claim you're an independent adult. Even if you do, you may have some respect, but don't think you aren't having any chores. Don't treat your parents worse than you would treat a roommate.
As a parent (all right, I don't have a 21 year old, I have a 17 year old) I can say that you sound like a very level-headed person. Full-time job, full-time school plus a certificate on a side is a LOT of responsibilities. I completely disagree with those who call you a "spoiled brat". Hello, she is in a very good place at her age with full time job and almost complete degree, obviously doing chores and helping out. There are quite a few stories in the Personal Finance forum where 24 year old males live rent-free and spend all the money they are making at their first jobs on pot and toys, not paying a dime on their college loans, claiming they can't afford to move out, because their new car payment is way to high.
OP: I think your only problem is a lack of formal agreement with your parents regarding rent/contribution towards groceries and chores/help that they expect of you. You may want to sit down with them and go over the rules, ask them what's expected of you. Get it all in writing. Perhaps, after they make a list, you will see that you would rather do the help they are asking you to do than move out and pay rent. Or maybe you still want to move out.
Only do this if you know your parents can follow agreements like this. If not - move out now.
I am going to go the other way. Maybe it's because I feel it's a parental duty (my own belief - you are entitled to yours) to provide college for their kids. The duty a kid provides is to take it seriously and earn a degree. An employable degree.
The OP used scholarships and student loans. Her parents live in a SEVEN bedroom house. In Flagstaff, those don't go cheap. Yet she was responsible for getting herself through college, without any help from them.
Currently, she is working a full-time job, going to college full time, AND taking another course for a secondary income stream. That's a full freaking plate. She is 21 - in college - why would she pay rent?
As far as her family taking advantage of the secondary course, it's like my hairdresser told me when she said her entire extended family expected her to do their cuts, perms, color, etc. free - and she had to cut them off that. As far as her family expecting her to babysit late teen siblings and chauffeur them, even though they are capable of driving - I think they are going over the line.
I would suggest sitting down with the dad and asking what amount he would expect to get reimbursed for the extra food the OP is costing him - that it might be more conducive to rent a small apartment elsewhere, if it disturbs the family that she is there (in a SEVEN bedroom house, when she is only 21 AND still in college).
OP - I commend you. You sound extremely mature and responsible. Your dad, on the other hand, sounds like a jacka$$. I may have the inside line why there is to be a divorce soon.
1. Myself
2. My dog
3. Full-time College
4. Part-time Separate Classes from a different college
5. Full-time Job
6. I voluntarily pay almost $1000/month toward my student loans so I can attempt to have them all paid off before I graduate this May of 2016. (I didn't have that must debt in the first place due to scholarships).
In short, my problems are:
1. Chores
2. Being expected to meal prep
3. Taking care of my siblings, younger brother (helping him lose weight)
4. Being advertised to do things without my approval
5. Maid of Honor Duties (Basically means I'm the wedding planner)
6. Possible Divorce
Don't take this as a mean comment....but welcome to real life. That's just how life is. You can move out of your parents house, and then problems just shift to other things.
You should sit down with your parents and have a mature, adult conversation with them. Realize that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Your burdens may shift from taking care of family, to taking care of yourself when you are trying to pay rent, clean, cook and manage life on your own while working and going to school
Life is hard, but the fact is you have a situation that many college students would love to have. You are living rent free, paying down your loans, and working and educating yourself. You really gotta take the bad with the good here and what you do for your family (they are family keep in mind) is all your parents ask of you...which isn't much really.
I'm 10 years older than you. I went though pretty much the same stuff you did. Couldn't WAIT to get out of my parents house while I lived rent free through college..and my dad was pretty harsh. Looking back, I appreciate their help. The problems don't change though.....
1. Chores (replaced with maintaining a house)
2. Being expected to meal prep (If I want to eat, I need to cook.)
3. Taking care of my siblings, younger brother (damn kids don't feed, bathe and maintain themselves )
4. Being advertised to do things without my approval (Relationships! We are doing what this weekend?? )
5. Maid of Honor Duties (My girl is MOH in two weddings (sisters) next year....FML)
6. Possible Divorce (Girl wants a 3rd kid)
And throw in full time job and trying to get Masters Degree in Engineering
I would look to spend less time at the house and just sleep there. Do work from other locations. If that does not improve the dynamics, then be willing to move out. Half way through it still looked good, before all the problems came up. I work from home and occasionally struggle with people wanting to talk to me. Since they can physically see me, I must be available right? I got some big headphones that completely cover the ear and make it much easier for me to focus and not hear people. Thankfully, I'm a DINK (double income, no kids) which helps a great deal. If we had a small child, I don't think working from home would be an option. I would be incapable of accomplishing enough to earn a solid paycheck.
(Note: My wife and I also have a roommate since we bought a large house and wanted to help one of my friends get on with his life since he was nearing 30 and still living with his parents (working 4 to 10 hours/week). Since moving in he started working 2 jobs, around a combined 50 to 55/hours a week on average. Regardless, 3 adults in the house is enough that I need headphones to work.)
Volunteering you to help people is rude, but you may be able to regularly solve it by just not talking to those people / not taking any calls outside your contact list.
Expecting you to help with picking people up or making food is fairly reasonable if you are not paying rent. You have to determine whether you prefer helping with the labor at home or working for an employer more hours to pay your own bills. In my experience the latter can prove superior because you get contacts and work experience for your resume.
It sounds like your dad thought it would be good for you to move home and not be "distracted", but then realized he wasn't collecting rent and wanted labor that he felt was a roughly equal to the value a landlord might require. It is an unfortunate combination because the point of moving home was to avoid having those costs. You may need to discuss with him whether you are there for your benefit or his and set expectations for how many hours in total each week or month you are being expected to contribute to work that is not directly a function of your existence. IE. You clean your own bathroom because you use it, that does not count towards working hours. Preparing your own food does not count. Taking your brother to the gym does count.
I don't understand the harsh tones of some of the responses, but the OP's question is very valid.
OP- I recommend that you move out as soon as possible. It's just part of growing up. It sounds like you have a nice setup with your parents, but you'll never regret getting started on your own. Forget about savings in your early 20's- you will likely be living paycheck to paycheck and that's totally fine. If you run into financial difficulties (i.e. lose your job), it sounds like your family will always be there as a backstop but I suspect, based on your accomplishments thus far, that you won't need them.
The first couple years will definitely be hard. Much harder than college and high school. But it's totally worth it.
I think a big part of the OP's problem stems from all the "stuff" she has accumulated for her first home. OMG, furniture and major appliances?? And she's still buying more?? She's going to end up needing a moving truck to get outta there!
My best advice: Rent a storage unit, and move all that "stuff" into it. Cost: $100-150/mo. depending on amount of stuff. Let that be a lesson to you, not to go through life shackled to a lot of stuff!
Next, get a roommate arrangement. If there's a university near you, that's what you want. Maybe it means moving back to where your BF is. The two of you need to get a grip on the costs of things in life. You should be able to get a living situation for $3-400 per mo. as a roommate. Getting a dog at this stage in your life was a mistake, IMO. You sound like a housewife, without the house!
Life at the folk's place is always going to be a drag. Move out if it's too much.
I'm still asked to pick up my brother from school and make sure he comes to the gym with me.
They want me to help my brother lose weight and get healthy.
This is your brother's responsibility.
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