Should I move out of parents house or save money? (boyfriend, father)

[megkay]

My story is as follows:

I am a 21 year old female. I lived up in Flagstaff for 2.5 years going to school at Northern Arizona University. I moved back to Phoenix to get a full-time job back in January of this year (2015). I was living with my boyfriend in Flagstaff and we accepted the long distance challenge. I am starting my senior year of college this fall through NAU online school. (I never took a break from college) I've always been frugal with money and am always looking to save money and make good investments before I start my life.

I moved in with my parents into their spacious 7 bedroom home which they were extremely happy about. I know they really wanted me to move in and spend more time with them. I have my own room and my parents allow me to store all of my previously acquired apartment stuff in one of the 7 bedrooms because it was not being used.


Alongside full-time college, I picked up a Nutritional Therapy course through a different accredited school in order to become a Nutritional Therapist. I am just finishing up my Nutritional Therapy certification also online (All I have left is the final and state registration). My goal is to become very versatile and prepared for my future career. On top of that, I also work full-time in downtown Phoenix. I go into the office two days a week and work from home during the rest of the week.

Since high school, I've been planning and slowly accumulating necessities for my future house/apartment that way I won't go broke later trying to buy everything I need all at once. I already have a couch, desk, general furniture (dining table, coffee table, side tables), ALL kitchen necessities (from silverware to a refrigerator), a bathroom set, storage, a washer and dryer, and just things along those lines.

After I graduate college in May of 2016, I plan to continue working my full-time job. In December of 2016 my boyfriend graduates and we plan to move to Yuma, Arizona for his job connection. (My job can follow me mostly anywhere).


In short, I am initially responsible for:

1. Myself
2. My dog
3. Full-time College
4. Part-time Separate Classes from a different college
5. Full-time Job
6. I voluntarily pay almost $1000/month toward my student loans so I can attempt to have them all paid off before I graduate this May of 2016. (I didn't have that must debt in the first place due to scholarships).

^^^If I were to move out my student loan payments would go down to $100-$200/month.

In the beginning they continued treated me like the adult who left for college and paid her own bills, lived in her own space. Over the past few months things have somewhat reverted into old ways. My parents have began to treat me like I am in high school again. They don't tell me I can't go out, or I can't have friends over. However, they expect me to always pick up siblings and take care of them at any moment. Whether it's picking them up from school, making sure they get to the gym and activities or just feeding them. I almost wonder how they did it without me while I was in college. Out of my 3 siblings, 2 still live at home. My younger brother moved out last fall. My younger sister is 17 and my other younger brother is 16. My sister can drive and 16 year old brother has his permit. I feel like I shouldn't be relied on as much as I am.

My parents also believe they can ask me to do any chore, help them pick out an outfit, or just talk even WHILE I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF SCHOOL WORK. Being an online student I have to set aside time to do homework and I've even gone as far as putting signs on my door that say "Timed Exam, Com Back Later". The signs usually work but when I have homework due at midnight they don't care. I'm still asked to pick up my brother from school and make sure he comes to the gym with me.

Since I am ALMOST done with my schooling for Nutritional Therapy, my dad tends to take advantage of this. I understand his thinking to an extent "my daughter is an expert on this stuff and she will definitely help her own father". Well, I can't always help if I'm busy. They want me to help my brother lose weight and get healthy. They only help by buying the food and paying for his gym membership. They expect me to take him and make sure he gets healthier. On top of that, my dad EXPECTS me to meal prep for him. His exact words are, "I will buy the food and you will meal prep it for me" I always laugh and tell him I can help teach him how to meal prep but I can't do all the work. Then he says, "I pay the bills, buy the food, and you live here rent free so you will meal prep for me". We haven't really discussed it since then because I've been avoiding it. He hasn't forced me to meal prep for him at all, yet.

I understand I'm living here rent free BUT when I moved back in I was told, I "wouldn't have to stress anymore about paying bills, AND I could fully focus on school and work in order to be better prepared for my future after college".

My last problem is that my dad is promising people that I can help them meal prep, give them nutritional advice, AND AT LITTLE TO NO COST, BEFORE I am certified and BEFORE asking me if I even have the time.

My younger brother who doesn't live at home just got engaged and I was asked by his fiance, to be the maid of honor.....that's a big responsibility.

My mom is planning on leaving my dad so it is possible me living at home may not be an option later on. Should I stay and wait it out or move before my semester starts?

In short, my problems are:

1. Chores
2. Being expected to meal prep
3. Taking care of my siblings, younger brother (helping him lose weight)
4. Being advertised to do things without my approval
5. Maid of Honor Duties (Basically means I'm the wedding planner)
6. Possible Divorce


My problem is trying to decide if I should move out now, before my senior year starts to avoid possible drama or issues while I'm in the middle of the semester OR just deal with the possible problems and save money living at home?


That pretty much sums up what is going on in my life and I need guidance from some unbiased parties.

[ScottsdaleMark]

Well, I would say that your parents may have some issues and they may be leaning on you too heavily and not respecting your schoolwork. However, unless you're paying rent, it is reasonable that they expect you to contribute of your time in exchange for the many hundreds of dollars a month living with them is saving you. I'd say you expecting to live there and not be expected to help out is, also, kind of like reverting back to high school in a sense. It's hard to break out of these roles into adult relationships with one's parents so it's understandable that both sides might be frustrated.

Perhaps you could sit down and have a talk with them and see if you can get a list of expectations they have for you and see if it is something you feel is reasonable or not. Approach it objectively...is this a good economic deal for me? I have a feeling if you calculate the hours a month they require of you, versus the amount of money saved each month, you're probably getting a pretty good deal. But if you're not and they literally have you doing their chores for hours each day...maybe you move out and get a part time job instead to make up the difference. Just be calm and polite and appreciative for what they've done for you so far, even if you decide that they are being ridiculous and you need to get out of there ASAP. That way whichever way you go, it'll be relatively mellow and pleasant.

Ultimately this comes down to having an adult conversation with your parents, but some tips as well would be to find other places to study. Take your laptop and go to a library or some other open, public space and get your work done there. You may find that you'll be more efficient anyway going to your "office" to work rather than trying to sandwich tasks in around helping your family and the million distractions your own room surely entails.

[megkay]

I appreciate your logical advice. Although I have to say I realize I was a little unclear. I don't sit around and expect not to help out and do chores. I actually do a handful of things without being asked because that's just kind of what I'm used to from when I lived on my own. But I do understand your points. I haven't considered doing my school work else where; that I will have to try. And of course, communication is key and money makes the world go 'round. Thank you ScottsdaleMark.

[ScottsdaleMark]

Cool. I certainly wasn't trying to imply anything negative about you. It does sound like you are doing a lot of things for them. I know from personal experience that sometimes parents can have the most annoying way of asking you to do something and at the worst times. I guess I'm just trying to say, it's probably annoying, but still probably better than having to pay rent, electric, water, food, etc. Either way it's good that you are saving money and not just spending it, that's a great life trait that will always serve you well. Good job on already paying down your loan debt, etc., and I hope your parents are proud of you for that. So hopefully you all can work out some boundaries/agreements that don't interrupt you or surprise you at bad times as much.

One thing I just thought of as well is that I think parents (well, many parents) are really appreciative of small gestures. Bringing them home a coffee or doing the dishes without being asked or little things like that, can make a big time impact and hopefully makes them back off a little bit about being so pushy/demanding. Although your mileage may vary with that one, I have seen it work myself.

[Bungle]

Get out now. Saving money is nice but saving your sanity is nicer.

[fluffythewondercat]

OP, the only way it could be more clear that you need to move out now would be if it were written in 6 foot tall letters on a billboard on the interstate. Your contingency plan to take the excess money you're using to pay down your student loans and use it for rent seems a good one.

I would start apartment hunting now, because finding one that will allow your dog may be tricky. But not impossible.

[ajonesaz]

Their house, their rules. Your argument is you have to take your brother WITH YOU to the gym? How does that take any more time on your end?

If you want total control over your time and responsibilities you need to move out of their house. That's why I moved out...

Also, if you think your life is stressful now with your work at home and online school along with making meals every now and then...wait until you are married with kids

[Jkgourmet]

How about acting like a grown up and having a discussion with your parents that involves compromise and negotiation?

[Dracarys]

Were any ground rules/expectations laid out at the beginning of this arrangement?

You can't have it all. You either suck it up, stay there with them, and finish school debt free, or you can move out and have things as you want them.

[germaine2626]

Not only are you living rent free in your parent's home but are also using it as an enormous storage unit.

Ask your friends how much they pay in rent for a two or three bedroom apartment (it sounds like you are using that much space). Frankly, I have never in my entire life heard of a person buying a refrigerator and a washer and dryer before they bought their own home. Maybe it is different where you live, but around here every rental apartment has their own refrigerator and most have washers & dryers available.

Are you even paying for your own food and toiletries?

Sheesh, no wonder they are asking you to do a few chores around the house.

Talk to your parents honestly. Do they want you to start to pay rent? Tell them that you need more time to study. If it does not work to study at home go to a library to study (or even a coffee shop if the library is closed).