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So have you just forgotten about the 70k or was there an explanation for that? If you have real concern you should have asked grandma about it and followed up with the bank if necessary. No one wants to live with a thief.
So have you just forgotten about the 70k or was there an explanation for that? If you have real concern you should have asked grandma about it and followed up with the bank if necessary. No one wants to live with a thief.
Thank you. I can't believe all this FB nonsense and "I wrote this, and she said this, and should I block her"....when you have a criminal act going on.
Worried about minor stuff, when it looks like grandma is being cleaned out....AMAZING.
Thank you. I can't believe all this FB nonsense and "I wrote this, and she said this, and should I block her"....when you have a criminal act going on.
Worried about minor stuff, when it looks like grandma is being cleaned out....AMAZING.
There isn't much I can do on that. My grandma is 90 and distrusted banks... it wasn't a super secret to the family that it was there in her house. My grandfather left it there and no one would have messed with it while he was alive, because he knew everything down to the cent and was tough as nails. That being said, when it went missing, there were only a few people with access to her house at the time and only one person who seemed to suddenly fall into a ton of money. I have since set my grandmother up with her bank account, taught her how to write a check, and how to pay bills. She didn't do any of that while my grandfather was alive because she didn't have to.
Sadly, it is just a thing where most of us know, but none of us have the hard proof. You know? As is, I feel uncomfortable with my aunt being there as she has some weird anger issues and lies about stuff. But that is really a conversation for my mom and her other siblings. But it adds to the - I am certain your son stole money from gram and you block me for saying something about a baby shower while I defended you saying I didn't think you personally stole anything from gram.... it's just weird and adds a weird level to it which was why i explained it.
It was mostly - there is a lot of resentment towards these family members. A LOT. And unfortunately, you can't avoid them. And this adds to just wanting to tell them off, particularly my aunt who got ticked that my brother and I said anything about the baby shower crap.
Thank you. I can't believe all this FB nonsense and "I wrote this, and she said this, and should I block her"....when you have a criminal act going on.
Worried about minor stuff, when it looks like grandma is being cleaned out....AMAZING.
Exactly....the money pretty much explains the rest.
There isn't much I can do on that. My grandma is 90 and distrusted banks... it wasn't a super secret to the family that it was there in her house. My grandfather left it there and no one would have messed with it while he was alive, because he knew everything down to the cent and was tough as nails. That being said, when it went missing, there were only a few people with access to her house at the time and only one person who seemed to suddenly fall into a ton of money. I have since set my grandmother up with her bank account, taught her how to write a check, and how to pay bills. She didn't do any of that while my grandfather was alive because she didn't have to.
Sadly, it is just a thing where most of us know, but none of us have the hard proof. You know? As is, I feel uncomfortable with my aunt being there as she has some weird anger issues and lies about stuff. But that is really a conversation for my mom and her other siblings. But it adds to the - I am certain your son stole money from gram and you block me for saying something about a baby shower while I defended you saying I didn't think you personally stole anything from gram.... it's just weird and adds a weird level to it which was why i explained it.
It was mostly - there is a lot of resentment towards these family members. A LOT. And unfortunately, you can't avoid them. And this adds to just wanting to tell them off, particularly my aunt who got ticked that my brother and I said anything about the baby shower crap.
I understand about what you said about hard proof. But you have a cousin who has four new cars, you know him and his wife didn't get it from their combined salaries. Time for a "come to Jesus meeting", sell those four cars and try and recoup some of the money and no charges will be filed.
What happens if grandma lives till 95 and needs a NH or an AL, they average at least $5K a month, the missing 70K would have covered a year and couple of months?
Quote:
Originally Posted by virgode
Exactly....the money pretty much explains the rest.
There is something that you can do. A tip to the IRS to look into the son's sudden windfall will work out the details without your getting involved. Any award paid to you could be held in an account in your grandmother's name.
You are overreacting to the little stuff. It will blow over eventually if either party refuses to escalate further.
also welcome to life. we often find out the harsh way how important money is to some family members and how the scrambling for it begins when the parent is near the end or vulnerable.
Call the IRS, have a family meeting, or address the pilferage some way. Tell Grandma either way.
Other than that be nice when you meet and don't care beyond that.
Yes - luckily my wedding has since passed and my grandma was able to attend! We had to struggle to work it out in ways that we shouldn't have had to, but I was lucky my other grandma lives in the same town.... and my uncle from the other side of the family flew in from Colorado and drove them both down!
It was some very stressful couple of weeks at the time, filled with a lot of anger on my end for them making it so difficult. They had the date for six months to avoid this type of scenario. I didn't think she should have been put in a position of having to choose any one person's thing over another thing.
I have just never been blocked on facebook before and find it a little passive-aggressive towards a situation I didn't intend! My cousin is mad my gram missed their baby shower and it is another point of contention that my brother, sister, and I are the "favorites."
I guess I habor a little resentment because that was my greatest point of stress through the whole thing... and I know had I done that, my parents sure as heck would have told me not to, that I was being selfish, that I shouldn't do that. Instead, it just feels like a huge squabble over events that are in the past.... but no one is working to move on from it (and I admit, myself included on that because if she answers the phone I feel uncomfortable).
This would be my first time going up in about eight months and the first time since being "unfriended."
If your grandma made it to your wedding, I don't understand why you are so upset. Except that your aunt should've told you before that she couldn't take your grandma? Yes, she should have. Had you called and asked her and your grandma? It was inconsiderate, but in the scheme of things, it wasn't so horrible that you and your aunt aren't on speaking terms, IMO. Did you have an RSVP, and she RSVPd then took it back, after you included her in the head count for food? I'd be upset about that, but don't people always expect that a few people won't show up?
My guess is that your aunt and her kids didn't want to go to the expense and time and hassle of traveling to see a wedding of someone they are not close with. They would've had travel expenses and I guess a hotel, and food costs. And I suppose she'd had to take time off work, which costs (even if they are paid days...they cost).
I know your wedding was super special to you, a big day in your life. But seriously, there are people (and I am one of them) to whom a wedding isn't a big deal. If it's someone in my immediate family, and the wedding is in town or I can get there with no hassle or too much expense, I'd go. Otherwise, I probably wouldn't. But I'd send a card and maybe a gift (if I know them well enough).
I can also see where it may have been difficult to decide on a date for a baby shower with multiple people going. A baby shower is a big deal, too....to the pregnant woman and her immediate family. Again, baby showers are not a big deal to me, and I wouldn't go if it involved expense or time off work.
You know what invitations from my out of state family say, to me? They send me invites and say "I know you may not be able to attend because of where you live and your work schedule, but I wanted to invite you, in case you can. Hope you can make it."
I don't know what was in your aunt's mind, and apparently she won't tell you (it wasn't just about the baby shower, probably). She could also feel that living with and caring for grandma doesn't obligate her to take grandma out of town.
As for the money, I'm not sure what you mean by the money turned up missing. Who noticed it missing? Was it grandma? If it was someone else, it's possible grandma gave the aunt the money, in return for living with her. I think that's common. If she didn't give it to her, yeah...I think the aunt probably took it, thinking she deserves it for the care she's giving grandma. Since she may think (or know) that she won't get much if anything of the inheritance, when grandma passes on.
I live out of state. One of my sisters (the unethical, mental one who lived off my mother most of her life) lived with my mom at the end, in return for free room and board and other expenses. My mother was not well. When someone lives out of state, like I did, there's no way to control the passing of the money. I have other sisters who lived in the same town as my mom, and I know that mom set up financial accounts for them (they have kids...I don't). It really irritates me all these years later, since I've worked hard all my life, scratching and saving, enduring hardship, while the bum sisters (they are truly self-centered people...all three of them) walked away with money (they think I don't know). I got my share of the inheritance, which wasn't much (she had given the sisters money beforehand!). So that's the way it is, when you're out of state. You can't keep tabs on things. If your mother is local, though, she may be able to keep tabs on the money, now that you all know.
I can understand. Your feelings are hurt. They unfriend you as if you've done ANYTHING wrong when you haven't. They're the hypocritical, thieving bunch. I can see the dilemma about the money but I wish someone would try to do something about that. I think Grandma would have to report the theft.
I'd stay at a hotel if I were you and I'd try not to deal with the aunt but try to enjoy your grandmother. What a mess. Stay far, far away in every social setting, media included. BLOCK them. Disown them. Your mom should respect your wishes and not gossip about you to them.
No one called the police when $70,000 cash (SEVENTY THOUSAND DOLLARS) went missing from an elderly dependent person, and one of the only people with access has been openly spending beyond their apparent means?
I find that unfathomable. It would be an easy matter to look into those cash or money-laundered purchases and trace the money.
I like the idea of contacting the IRS though!
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....when you have a criminal act going on.
