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What would you do with a "friend" who keeps saying "let's do something together" but has her calendar too full all the time to pin anything down with you? Keep trying or cut off the relationship?
Another "friend" recently asked me by email, with enthusiasm, to go on a day trip and I procured the passes for where we were going. Didn't hear from her for many days. I emailed her today and find out she's decided to go with her husband and that "maybe we can go in the future." She didn't bother to let me know.
The "overly busy friend" is a front for people with insecurities. They have to always seem busy and important. But they avoid real connection at all costs. They might have 200 acquaintances but 0 friends. Not worth the time and effort to pin down.
The one who made a plan and then changed plans to go with her husband without letting you know is beyond friendship...unless there was a miscommunication? In that case, I'd give her a second chance.
The one who made a plan and then changed plans to go with her husband without letting you know is beyond friendship...unless there was a miscommunication? In that case, I'd give her a second chance.
This is an on-again off-again friend who goes way back to college days. No possible miscommunication. It was just by email. Haven't heard from her for some months. Out of the blue she says she'd like to go on this day trip and would I come. I happened to have access to museum passes and got them, waiting to hear back from her about which date (I let her know the dates I'm free). Days and days pass, I don't hear from her. I figured maybe she just didn't want to go but was afraid to tell me, then I find out just now this:
It is going to be great weather next week on Tues and Wed and that is a time that works for me so I have convinced [husband[ to go with me on one of those days. If I get the lay of the land for traveling this way we could try something else another time.
WTH? I really am tired of this ambivalence. With the first friend, I went out of my way to meet her for coffee so we could finally discuss the event options (after months of saying to each other we really ought to do something together). I brought along a short list of events and she proceeded to tell me she's "booked" (her favorite phrase) till after the holidays.
These people do not have to feel they need to be my friend. They have many others. They are the ones that approach me or at least keep up the illusion of friendship. What to do with these kinds of people? At an advanced age it's not that easy to find new friends, but with these kinds of friends what's the point? Are people so self centered these days it's all about them and they don't have to have the courtesy to respond, especially when they themselves initiate?
I don't blame you for being done with all that. The "booked" friend just needs you in her army of pretend friends to keep herself feeling important and loved by all.
The other...what the heck. That was pretty terrible. I'd really not be excited to make plans again.
This is an on-again off-again friend who goes way back to college days. No possible miscommunication. It was just by email. Haven't heard from her for some months. Out of the blue she says she'd like to go on this day trip and would I come. I happened to have access to museum passes and got them, waiting to hear back from her about which date (I let her know the dates I'm free). Days and days pass, I don't hear from her. I figured maybe she just didn't want to go but was afraid to tell me, then I find out just now this:
It is going to be great weather next week on Tues and Wed and that is a time that works for me so I have convinced [husband[ to go with me on one of those days. If I get the lay of the land for traveling this way we could try something else another time.
WTH? I really am tired of this ambivalence. With the first friend, I went out of my way to meet her for coffee so we could finally discuss the event options (after months of saying to each other we really ought to do something together). I brought along a short list of events and she proceeded to tell me she's "booked" (her favorite phrase) till after the holidays.
These people do not have to feel they need to be my friend. They have many others. They are the ones that approach me or at least keep up the illusion of friendship. What to do with these kinds of people? At an advanced age it's not that easy to find new friends, but with these kinds of friends what's the point? Are people so self centered these days it's all about them and they don't have to have the courtesy to respond, especially when they themselves initiate?
I think the bolded part is beyond rude. She should have said "I would like to include my husband is that OK?". Also sounds like she isn't too bright as you have passes. I don't care how well off someone is, most people like to save a buck when they can.
With the second one, that is just ridiculous. As High Flying Bird said this is one of the "busy busies" as I call them, they have tons of acquaintances but no real friends. Even the President could find time to have coffee with someone who asked before the end of the year, what nonsense.
some inconsiderate people like to be social bees buzz around but never land...
all it takes is once on my part.....then the game changes,,,if you are inconsiderate then I will give you a simple kurt message
" when you can fit me in your busy schedule and mean it let me know
or
cut all communications,,,,part of maturity is treating others as they treat you..
I'm still ruminating over all this. It's hard for me to believe what transpired between me and each of these so-called friends. I'm perplexed as to why they initiated contact. You just know, with these kinds of people (is there a "kind" like this?) that if you let it slide and keep up the contact, it's not a genuine feeling for them and vice versa. To cut off completely means a challenge to connect with new people.
I usually phase out such flaky people. Not making concrete plans or canceling at the last minute are signs of disrespect. Dont expect anything more from them. I am sure there are lot of good people around who value your friendship & will respect your time & efforts. Occasionally you have to pull back & stop contact for a while to see who truly misses you & will come looking for you. By being too available people might take you for granted.
Yes, I do believe many people are self centered today, even at retirement age.
I wouldn't be so quick to accept an invitation in the future, unless they'd call and say can you meet me for coffee this afternoon.
My bf growing up did something like this to me not that long ago and I was excited to see her over the weekend and she even asked me to come to her niece's house and pick her up. I didn't get a call, text or anything. She's never wanted to see me before when she came into town.
We haven't been bf's in many years and I doubt I'll jump the next time she comes into town.
People seem to have forgotten the meaning of common courtesy and taking others for granted. I'm too old to play that BS game.
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