Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I totally didn't realize this, but I became one of those friends. I have been a little needy lately. I have had a really packed 4-6 weeks and I have been fixated by stuff at work, a job search, a flirtation going on where I am uncertain how it will progress, and just generally life stuff. And maybe I haven't been as supportive as I could be to one of my friends.
I wrapped up a surprise job hunt. Well it really wasn't even a hunt, it fell into my lap and I am starting a new job in a few weeks. The interview process took about 2 weeks, and only because I slowed it down and it was a breeze. I've been also really fixated on the flirtation I have happening too, and I am acting like a 20-something, with updates on the details. So I have been sharing more than usual.
And I think my friend is annoyed. She has a hard deadline for a job search and she has been looking for a few months. Her prospects have fallen through. She is dealing with some injuries which is blocking her from her fitness goals. She is in a minor rough patch.
And I realize I am accidentally "boasting" about all the awesome stuff happening to me right now. I think my timing is horrible. So I am not being as supportive as I can. And she is not sharing as much as usual. So it is probably my fault.
Not sure what to do! She has been a little busy lately so we haven't been hanging out much. That is also part of our normal pattern. We typically have a fairly regular text cadence, a slew of messages every day or 2 on minor stuff that is happening. Then silence. She hasn't been sending any comments my way on my updates. But she could be totally sick of my updates and taking a break! I have no idea, it is slightly out of pattern.
I agree with calling her ... or send her a card with a written message. No one does that any more, so it kind of makes it more special when it does happen. Don't text, don't email.
Say something like "I feel bad because I've been so wrapped up in my own life that I haven't recognized that you have stuff going on in yours. I've been a bad friend. I hope I have a chance to correct this. Let's get together this weekend." Then when you do get together, focus on her as much as she seems comfortable with (she may not want to dwell on her woes).
Just avoid wishy-washy apologies. Don't say "if I've been a bad friend, I'm sorry." Own it and say "I haven't been a supportive friend. I'm sorry."
You are right about her feeling annoyed with you. This happens among friends & its a test of friendship. Realizing what you are doing wrong, without having others point it out to you shows a lot of maturity on your part. Your friend is going through a phase & I hope she will be back to her normal self when everything works out for her. Until then, just try being there for her. Act normal but filter out some of the great things going on in your life. Play it down if you can. Invite her to a movie or just hang out. Its holiday season so you have plenty of excuses to plan an outing to a local event. Talk about things other than your job or dating life, like your hobbies, interests, movies, tv shows, etc. Keep the conversation neutral. Sometimes just being there on someone's side without saying anything at all is more than enough.
I think it would be lovely to invite your friend out for a coffee or a drink and say "hey, I've been pretty self absorbed lately. What's been going on with you". And just give your friend the floor. Practice your active listening skills. :-)
Now if it's pure jealousy this won't get you far and then it is your friends issue, not yours. But otherwise it could mend fences well.
Well, of course...."Dirk Diggler" would say something like that.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
