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Just asking. Because this thanksgiving started good and ended bad. Mainly because of my parents inability to take responsibility for their actions and talk about things that have been bothering me since I was a child. My dad is dismissive and would rather sweep everything under the rug and my mom is a mild narcissist who can't do any wrong and worships her dog. Heres a short story:
My parents ended up packing up and leaving early today because of a massive blow up between me (I started it) and them. My mom has NO respect for the way we do things in our household. She cannot function without her precious dog, which is fine, whatever floats her boat. And my dad can't do any wrong at all. Claims he's never done anything wrong in regards to raising me and when I bring up anything that I know he can't argue, he just chuckles and tries to brush it off. To me, that is massively disrespectful and childish as well as dismissive.
Today I have had enough! We have ONE inside dog, a chocolate lab, that is very WELL trained. The deal is is that when he comes in, we have him sit on the entry way rug to allow his feet to dry before walking around on our carpet. If we don't do that, the carpet will start to smell over time. A stinky smelly house is absolutely unacceptable to my wife and I. We politely told my mom how we would like her to do things with her dog. She agreed and then I observed her following our rules the first few times, then she just casually "didn't". I called her out on it politely and she said she "forgot". BULLSH**! Theres no way she forgot! Then she went back to following the rules, and then I once again observed her doing whatever she wanted and letting her dog in and allowing it to run around our carpet....not ok. We don't mind if the dog is inside, just follow our rules please. She can't do it, probably because its not important to her. And why do I assume that its not important to her? Well because I have had to sit and listen to her complain about how we don't lock our doors at night, both on our house and our vehicles, how we leave our shop open, this and blah blah blah. OK she's paranoid and has been since I can remember.
WE live out in the sticks. Nothing remotely dangerous is going to happen, expect maybe a bear get into the garbage or an elk lick our windows. We intentionally moved here to escape the retarded culture of city life. Anyways, I have told her to not be so worried about it and she replies with "well its not important to you guys, but it is to me." That right there immediately tells me that she does whatever is important to her, and if its not, well she just wont do it. Which is why I can ONLY assume that she had no respect for our rules, and simply tried to humor me (us). The icing on the cake was today, after breakfast, I was cleaning up because my wife cooks. I had cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed etc, swept the floors, yo name it, I cleaned it. Well my mother had her freekin PINK sweatshirt laying on the floor for her dog(blue heeler, Australian shepard mix) to lay on....there was hair all over it. She picks it up off the floor and proceeds to shake it vigorously, obviously in an attempt to shake the hair off. Upon observing this, I felt my forehead begin to sweat immediately and the hair on the back of my neck stand up. I, calmly as I could, asked her to please not do that because of that hair, at which point she walked over closer to me and shook it again, clearly out of spite.
I lost it and the rest is history. I blew up and started yelling and told both of my parents that I have had enough of their ignorant dismissive disrespectful behavior and that they need to leave unless they can talk about this sh**! They, as usual, acted as if they did nothing wrong, didnt say much, packed up and left. I really dont care to see them on any holiday ever again and quite honestly do not want them at my house again. My dad is fine except for his inability to talk about things. My mom on the other hand....shes a basket case for which I have no theories as to why she behaves the way she does.....All I can think of is that her dad always spoke down to her and controlled her every move till she moved out. She's neurotic i guess.
You started it, and you escalated it. All you had to do was provide a towel for your mother to wipe the dog's feet. Lock the door to assuage her fears while she's there. Don't use a holiday to unload on guests, family or not.
I'm guessing her version of how "politely" you asked for things to be done would not match up to your own.
You started it, and you escalated it. All you had to do was provide a towel for your mother to wipe the dog's feet. Lock the door to assuage her fears while she's there. Don't use a holiday to unload on guests, family or not.
I'm guessing her version of how "politely" you asked for things to be done would not match up to your own.
You must have the luxury of a functional family. I didn't use the holiday to unload on my guests.....the situation arose and I'm not going to continue to backdown and digress. At 28 years old, I've had just about enough of my parents sh**. I'm about to disown them!
Just don't invite them over anymore. I am sure they will be relieved.
It amazes me how some people can't let go of their rigid habits, grievances and unrealistic expectations long enough to enjoy a few days with family once or twice a year.
You must have the luxury of a functional family. I didn't use the holiday to unload on my guests.....the situation arose and I'm not going to continue to backdown and digress. At 28 years old, I've had just about enough of my parents sh**. I'm about to disown them!
Keep in mind that turnabout is fair play.
You sound like a very angry and domineering man, especially using the words "shi*" and "hate" to describe your own parents.
I lost it and the rest is history. I blew up and started yelling and told both of my parents that I have had enough of their ignorant dismissive disrespectful behavior and that they need to leave unless they can talk about this sh**! They, as usual, acted as if they did nothing wrong, didnt say much, packed up and left. I really dont care to see them on any holiday ever again and quite honestly do not want them at my house again. My dad is fine except for his inability to talk about things. My mom on the other hand....shes a basket case for which I have no theories as to why she behaves the way she does.....All I can think of is that her dad always spoke down to her and controlled her every move till she moved out. She's neurotic i guess.
You needed to vent.
They do sound obnoxious and lost in their own worlds but it's too bad that this blow-up had to happen on Thanksgiving. The fact that you got so bent out of shape over the sweatshirt incident proves that it was "the straw" to a long problem. But you sound as obstinate as they are. What are you going to do when they become incapable of caring for themselves? I agree with the poster above that having your parents over for T-day is not a good idea.
Except for this year, we host Thanksgiving at our house, and it will get interesting as more people acquire dogs. Because, boy, oh, boy, we are NOT pet people, nor do I allow others dogs in our house.
Somebody's wound just a bit tight. "Hate" is a very strong word, and I don't hate anyone, least of all my very own wonderfully dysfunctional family. I think most people have parents who can get under their skin a bit when they stay together, but I think that blowing up like that is a little over the top since they would be leaving again in a couple days anyway. My parents are both dead now. My mom died far too soon at 65 and I would do anything to have another Thanksgiving with her. My dad pretty much abandoned us when we were little, and I don't even hate him at all.
When grown children call their parents on the carpet regarding what the parents did during their children's growing up time isn't usually going to accomplish anything. I'm not talking about criminal actions. Most parents do the best they know how. I don't approve of several things my parents did, but it would have been pointless to want them to explain themselves. What does it accomplish? Does having a parent admit to making mistakes help? I don't remember exactly how old I was when I realized my parents were just normal human beings. My mother did plenty of things that weren't helpful to me and I tried not to do the same to my children. That's the main thing I learned from her mistakes and I'm sure I made some of my own.
Inviting them to your home for some sort of show down wasn't such a good idea. I don't blame them for leaving. There is truth to the old saying, don't cry over spilled milk.
You started it, and you escalated it. All you had to do was provide a towel for your mother to wipe the dog's feet. Lock the door to assuage her fears while she's there. Don't use a holiday to unload on guests, family or not.
I'm guessing her version of how "politely" you asked for things to be done would not match up to your own.
I agree.
For the OP it is getting to the point where you know what to expect. Either deal with you parents' shortcomings or dont invite them. When you invite people into your home you cannot expect them to live like you do. You either make arrangements to adapt or you avoid the situation all together.
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