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My husband and I have only been married two years and his family lives in New York and my family lives in California (we presently live in Illinois). We usually spend Christmas with his family (the past two years and the two years that we dated before being married). Christmas has never been a big holiday in my own family, but it is very important to his (very strict Catholics).
I'm currently visiting my parents now in California and plan to fly to New York next week. The problem is that my mom was admitted yesterday to the hospital (for a bacterial infection but she should be released in 3 or 4 days), my parents business after 25 years is closing at the end of this month, and my dad is planning to sell his house in February (he can no longer afford the house since the business went bankrupt). My parents are dealing with a lot of things and my dad doesn't speak English or know how to use the internet.
Since I've been home, I've been interviewing realtors and trying to sell random things in the house (bicycles, old furniture, etc). I would like to stay another week to make sure my parents business closes ok and help my dad. I sent an email to my husband explaining the situation, but so far he hasn't acknowledged the email. I am waiting for him to bring it up.
One-way tickets back to Chicago are only $120 so it's not an issue of the ticket costing money. It's more that he doesn't think we should be separated during the holidays. I'm not sure what to do. I feel really torn. Right now, our marriage isn't great. I work in Chicago and come home on the weekends- his job is in more rural Illinois so we only see each other on the weekends. This is also a very important time for my parents, and I only see them 3 or 4 times a year (they are 61 and 67 respectively).
Gosh, this is a pickle. It sounds like a time where your parents really need you and you are willing to help them. But on the other hand, spending time, any time with your husband is important. Especially this early in your marriage. If you lived together full time and/or been married a long time, I would think to stay with your parents. But you also need to nurture your relationship with your husband and make sure to put a good amount of effort into that.
There has to be some middle ground, no? A sibling or family friend who can help? Going for Christmas but coming back after?
Our parents took care of us when we were little and needed them. Eventually the roles are reversed. Your parents need a hand and it just happens to fall during a holiday.
This isn't about the holiday and shouldn't be discussed as such. This is your mom's illness and your dad needing a hand that she cannot give. Don't make it about the holiday but about being a good daughter in their time of need.
Hopefully you married someone who will see the difference.
Sounds like your husband should join you in California for Christmas.
I agree.
You spent four Christmases with his family. It is his turn to spend it with your family especially with their ill health and many needs. If he was a real husband he would realize this. If he, or his parents, are selfish or controlling and say that their needs outweigh your needs and the needs of your parents it better to find that out now.
If he does not come I still say that your parents really need you at this time and you should try to stay with them or return very soon.
Last edited by germaine2626; 12-16-2015 at 01:18 PM..
I agree that you should stay in CA and your husband should join you. Yes, his family makes a big deal about Christmas, but this is a time where YOUR family needs you and after spending 4 Christmases with his family, it's not unreasonable to say that this year, it's a time where you need to be with your family.
Suck it up, Buttercup (meant kindly). I'm sure you've spend many Christmases just as you like, and you'll have lots of Christmases without your parents to do what you want. Some of us don't have anyone to spend Christmas with. I'd give anything to have my own dear mother back! Died of a bacterial infection (it happens). It's one year; geez! And we all have to do that going-through-their-stuff-and-selling-or-moving-it thing sooner or later.
Last edited by otterhere; 12-16-2015 at 01:34 PM..
My husband and I have only been married two years and his family lives in New York and my family lives in California (we presently live in Illinois). We usually spend Christmas with his family (the past two years and the two years that we dated before being married). Christmas has never been a big holiday in my own family, but it is very important to his (very strict Catholics).
I'm currently visiting my parents now in California and plan to fly to New York next week. The problem is that my mom was admitted yesterday to the hospital (for a bacterial infection but she should be released in 3 or 4 days), my parents business after 25 years is closing at the end of this month, and my dad is planning to sell his house in February (he can no longer afford the house since the business went bankrupt). My parents are dealing with a lot of things and my dad doesn't speak English or know how to use the internet.
Since I've been home, I've been interviewing realtors and trying to sell random things in the house (bicycles, old furniture, etc). I would like to stay another week to make sure my parents business closes ok and help my dad. I sent an email to my husband explaining the situation, but so far he hasn't acknowledged the email. I am waiting for him to bring it up.
One-way tickets back to Chicago are only $120 so it's not an issue of the ticket costing money. It's more that he doesn't think we should be separated during the holidays. I'm not sure what to do. I feel really torn. Right now, our marriage isn't great. I work in Chicago and come home on the weekends- his job is in more rural Illinois so we only see each other on the weekends. This is also a very important time for my parents, and I only see them 3 or 4 times a year (they are 61 and 67 respectively).
Any advice would be appreciated.
I normally say your marriage comes before any other relationship, but in this case, it's not as if you are just lollygagging around with your parents; they truly need your help. If your husband can't understand that, then that's his problem. I stand with you.
I'm not sure why you're emailing, however. Why not just pick up the phone and tell him your parents need your help and you can't leave yet? Don't phrase it as a question. Make it a statement. He can either come to you, or go to his parents alone this time, and you'll see them next time.
I'm confused, too; seems like a no-brainer. Is he giving you guff about it? He doesn't have to join you, IMO; let him have Christmas with his family, and you have it with yours. What's the problem?
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