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Our parents took care of us when we were little and needed them. Eventually the roles are reversed. Your parents need a hand and it just happens to fall during a holiday.
This isn't about the holiday and shouldn't be discussed as such. This is your mom's illness and your dad needing a hand that she cannot give. Don't make it about the holiday but about being a good daughter in their time of need.
Hopefully you married someone who will see the difference.
If your husband is a mature adult he will understand that you need to stay with your parents. The holidays will be there next year and since you've accommodated his family four years in a row it's only fair that he step up and accommodate your family's needs this year. If he insists that you be with him and his family then maybe he's not the keeper you thought he was when you married him ?
Oh I forgot to add that his parents need to realize that he is married now and your family is important and if he needs to miss Christmas due to an EMERGENCY with your family, that's it's okay. It's just Christmas. They will probably lay the Catholic guilt on him but he needs a backbone to stick up for himself and your marriage. What's that passage from the Bible? When a son marries he leaves and cleaves his parents.... So if they raise an issue just throw that Bible verse in their face and tell them to go to church on Christmas morning and pray for your parents
Moderator cut: orphaned response
Original poster: You and our husband need to get this worked out between you no matter what anyone's family thinks about the decision you both come too.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 12-18-2015 at 12:11 PM..
If your husband is a mature adult he will understand that you need to stay with your parents.
The holidays will be there next year and since you've accommodated his family four years in a row it's only fair that he step up and accommodate your family's needs this year.
If he insists that you be with him and his family then maybe he's not the keeper you thought he was when you married him ?
I normally say your marriage comes before any other relationship, but in this case, it's not as if you are just lollygagging around with your parents; they truly need your help. If your husband can't understand that, then that's his problem. I stand with you.
I'm not sure why you're emailing, however. Why not just pick up the phone and tell him your parents need your help and you can't leave yet? Don't phrase it as a question. Make it a statement. He can either come to you, or go to his parents alone this time, and you'll see them next time.
This, your parents need you right now.
I have to ask also, email? You pick up the phone and TALK not text.
My husband and I have only been married two years and his family lives in New York and my family lives in California (we presently live in Illinois). We usually spend Christmas with his family (the past two years and the two years that we dated before being married). Christmas has never been a big holiday in my own family, but it is very important to his (very strict Catholics).
I'm currently visiting my parents now in California and plan to fly to New York next week. The problem is that my mom was admitted yesterday to the hospital (for a bacterial infection but she should be released in 3 or 4 days), my parents business after 25 years is closing at the end of this month, and my dad is planning to sell his house in February (he can no longer afford the house since the business went bankrupt). My parents are dealing with a lot of things and my dad doesn't speak English or know how to use the internet.
Since I've been home, I've been interviewing realtors and trying to sell random things in the house (bicycles, old furniture, etc). I would like to stay another week to make sure my parents business closes ok and help my dad. I sent an email to my husband explaining the situation, but so far he hasn't acknowledged the email. I am waiting for him to bring it up.
One-way tickets back to Chicago are only $120 so it's not an issue of the ticket costing money. It's more that he doesn't think we should be separated during the holidays. I'm not sure what to do. I feel really torn. Right now, our marriage isn't great. I work in Chicago and come home on the weekends- his job is in more rural Illinois so we only see each other on the weekends. This is also a very important time for my parents, and I only see them 3 or 4 times a year (they are 61 and 67 respectively).
Any advice would be appreciated.
You have spent two Christmases with his family. Maybe he should stop being a jerk and support what you need. He should choose to be with you unless his family is the only thing that matters.
Yes it is true I have been Catholic since birth, there is no studying or reading of the bible in the Catholic Religion. There is a very small part of Mass that is read, that is all, no studying, no discussion, no reasons why you are supposed to follow that particular reading.
Other denominations actually read, study and discuss the words of the Bible, the Catholics do not.
Maybe you don't, that doesn't mean that other Catholics don't read, study or discuss the Bible.
Our parents took care of us when we were little and needed them. Eventually the roles are reversed. Your parents need a hand and it just happens to fall during a holiday.
This isn't about the holiday and shouldn't be discussed as such. This is your mom's illness and your dad needing a hand that she cannot give. Don't make it about the holiday but about being a good daughter in their time of need.
Hopefully you married someone who will see the difference.
And one of the hardest things you will ever have to do as an adult, is become your parents parent.
The role reversal thing is common as our parents get older. As another respondent posted, it looks like it's time for your husband to spend time with you in CA for Christmas...
I pray that all your efforts will be successful in helping your parents.
God bless you and your family and Merry Christmas.
...or for you to spend time in California (why does the husband HAVE to join her? Someone 'splain that to me...).
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If your husband is a mature adult he will understand that you need to stay with your parents. The holidays will be there next year and since you've accommodated his family four years in a row it's only fair that he step up and accommodate your family's needs this year. If he insists that you be with him and his family then maybe he's not the keeper you thought he was when you married him ?
You pick up the phone and TALK not text.
