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you have not done anything wrong
she gets upset with you when you are sick, because then you are not there for her
as other people have pointed out, this is a toxic person
and it is not nourishing for you, it is damaging to you as you are finding
best wishes; trust your gut that your perceptions about her are true, and it is not a two-way friendship
she knows how to take take take take but not to give
I think I'm going to let this friendship go, as I've come to realize it is very one sided. I have too much going on in my life right now to stress over a selfish person who only looks out for themselves. Here's to a great 2016!
Really bad advice. This coworker is not a friend. She is a user. She used the OP as her free psychiatrist through all her issues, a lot of which sounds like nonsense.
The OP's father is seriously ill and the OP starts having severe depression and she is making jokes like "Oh do you have Alzheimers as well", a real charmer. Now it sounds like she is trying to scam the OP, who bites into a cookie when the night before you say your tooth is hurting? Sounds like she wants money for her dental work.
Maya Angelou said it best "when people show themselves to you believe them".
She has shown herself, time to distance as much as you possibly can, which is awkward since you work together. But stop seeing her outside of work.
Definitely! There were things she would complain about that revealed her bratty character, but I still tried to be there for her, for instance: her grandmother passed away a week before her birthday, so her family said they would postpone taking her out to dinner until the following week. She called me in hysterics saying how life is unfair and that she always gets the crappy end of the stick (not because of her grandmother's passing but because of her birthday being postponed!).
As for the tooth thing, I knew better because I worked as a dental assistant while I was in college....so I knew very well that a healthy tooth would not break from biting into a cookie.
It's easy to avoid her at work, we work on a big floor, and we're not on the same team...so it's really not a problem. If I occasionally bump into her I have no problem giving her a wave or saying hello cordially.
Your "friend" sounds very selfish and needs a lot of attention. If you don't give her attention, then she gets mad at you and retaliates in some way. By not being compassionate to you when your father was sick, shows that she doesn't have much empathy for people. Not a good trait for a friend.
I don't think you lost much of a "friend". You might have had some good times and laughs, but you were more of friend to her than she was to you, so you didn't lose much really. She lost you, which IMO is the bigger loss.
You sound like a good person and someone that would make a good friend, which is probably while you're feeling a loss for her. Because at some point, she added something to your life and now she seems gone.
Just keep being yourself but I would be a little leary of her from this point on. She may try to be friends again, but don't take the bait. Move on and find other friends that value and cherish you the way you should be valued and cherished.
I think I'm going to let this friendship go, as I've come to realize it is very one sided. I have too much going on in my life right now to stress over a selfish person who only looks out for themselves. Here's to a great 2016!
Best choice, let the friendship fade away. This person is definitely not a friend based on what you described in your first post.
Well as it happens, she just messaged me asking if im ok, because I was wishing a happy new year to everyone on facebook and I wrote that 2015 was a tough year and that I was hoping for a better 2016. My initial response was "don't you know"? but I restrained myself and reiterated everything that had went on this year to her. And then of course she began with us not talking anymore, and pinning the whole thing on me because I wasn't compassionate enough to her about her "tooth" problems, and I apparently don't realize how much work she actually needs.
Anyway I said my peace to her, told her that I was there for her all the time, and when I was going through my stuff I didn't even get one call from her! Well of course she had no response to that, so I told her we obviously both feel certain ways, and lets just agree to disagree, and move on with our lives (because I'm not up for arguing).
One day you will learn that friendship is a whole lot more than kvetching to each other about all your "problems."
That sounds really unhealthy to me, actually.
Believe me I know all about friendship, I have been best friends with the same two people since I was 10 years old, and we're like sisters! Problem is I probably hold all my other friends to that standard, and maybe I shouldn't.
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