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First off, though it is 5 days after I still want to wish everyone a happy new year and hope this year brings you plenty of greatness.
So, this past Christmas I was at my sisters place, visiting her, my nephew and the rest of the family which consist of her husband, my brother-in-law and his 2 other children from a previous marriage. I hangout at their place quite often and they're very comfortable with me being there and appreciate my presence since I help them out a lot with house hold work and taking care of my nephew as much as I can when I'm there. I really enjoy being there but my sisters husband can be a REAL pain in the butt and sometimes keeps me from going there for a long time because of his ways.
Basically he is somewhat of a man-child in a lot of ways. My sister is a strong woman and I'm not just being bias. Her husband owns a business (which she works and is apart of) but she does the bulk of the work. Since he suffers from manic-depression or whatever, she ends of doing much more than I feel she should be doing. Between him, his two children (a 13 and 18 year old) they can be of much more assistance. However, he uses his depression to his advantage. My sister works, cooks, cleans, does laundry then cleans after cooking almost always on a daily basis. On top of all that, she takes care of her 2 year old son (my nephew) and usually helps her stepson with homework and the such. Then 80% of the time she gets up at odd hours to give the baby milk. She hardly sleeps while her baby-man usually bums around the house all day.
I can get into much more but it would be a novel. Like I mention I help her a great degree while I am there but I am getting more and more annoyed with her husband. The MAIN reason is that I usually witness the drama unfold because as you can imagine, they end up arguing a lot with my sisters husband usually stressing her to the limits. Its as if she has to take care of 4 children. That's besides the point though, I UNDERSTAND this is the life and family she chose to have and that's not something I have a say in.
However, this past Christmas sent me over the edge. My sisters husband was sick and acting like a spoiled brat and they got into an argument. Though my sister can handle her own I DO NOT like and appreciate how he yells at her and gets a little aggressive and in her face while I am there. I feel disrespected since I noticed he doesn't do this around certain individuals. He NEVER does this in front of his older brothers, my uncle or my father. Around other men he doesn't do this but I feel he has gotten way too comfortable screaming at her the way she does and I'm not tolerating it anymore. Out of ALL the men he doesn't scream at her around, I'm the one who would BEAT him to hell and back EASILY. I train in martial arts, in much better shape and would physically, literally break him in half but that's not something I want to do at all.
I've stayed out of their arguments since I understand couples bump heads but I feel like the aggressive, in-your-face arguments NEED to stop in front of me at least. I think of it from my point-of-view and I personally never have--and would never have--heated arguments in front of a woman I am with family. Those type of things I feel we have between ourselves and behind closed doors. A little quarrel is different but not a yelling match. And the thing is I KNOW he wouldn't want someone or be comfortable with something yelling at his precious daughter in front of him like that. I KNOW he wouldn't tolerate it.
I'm not trying to change their relationship but I would want him/them to have the courtesy not to argue in front of me they way they do or I'm not going to visit as much. Fortunately I didn't explode on him and confront him that Christmas day. I decided to just run out the house and cool down before I say or do anything stupid. I feel they at LEAST should listen to me.
What do you think? Whats yours feeling on this? How should I approach it next time (because there will be a next time) it happens? Anyone been in a similar situation? I'm tired of feeling disrespected and awkward in that situation. I know he doesn't hit my sister or anything but he gets physically close enough that it really makes me uneasy and for the sake of the family, I don't flip out. If it were any other guy, ESPECIALLY a stranger, I wouldn't deal with it. Given the circumstances though, its just a situation that really angers me. Thank you all
I UNDERSTAND this is the life and family she chose to have and that's not something I have a say in.
...snip...
I feel they at LEAST should listen to me.
Nothing you do will change them, and there is no reason why they should "at LEAST listen" to you.
All you can do is change how you react... just walk away.
Best advice...stay out of it. Its your sister's life, she is a big girl. Anything you do will not be appreciated, helpful or needed. If it bothers you too much, stay away from them.
My ex-husband used to do that to me in front of his family. One day, his sister pulled him aside, and said they were never coming over again if he didn't learn to at least control himself in front of company. He never did it again.
In your case, I would tell your sister that you won't be coming back if they can't get along civilly in front of you. Then it's up to her to tell her husband to have some class.
You understand that your sister is fine with this, right?
Her ongoing presence and her allowing him to treat her this way.
She's not a victim. She's a participant.
If you don't like it, tell them you're not spending time in their company if they're going to act like goons.
It's impolite to argue in front of company, anyway.
Stay out of the relationship between your sister and her huband. None of your business, not your concern and when an argument starts leave the room, leave the house and stay out of it as well. As far as all the things your sister does at the business and caring for the home, her choice to change it or not.
First off, though it is 5 days after I still want to wish everyone a happy new year and hope this year brings you plenty of greatness.
So, this past Christmas I was at my sisters place, visiting her, my nephew and the rest of the family which consist of her husband, my brother-in-law and his 2 other children from a previous marriage. I hangout at their place quite often and they're very comfortable with me being there and appreciate my presence since I help them out a lot with house hold work and taking care of my nephew as much as I can when I'm there. I really enjoy being there but my sisters husband can be a REAL pain in the butt and sometimes keeps me from going there for a long time because of his ways.
Basically he is somewhat of a man-child in a lot of ways. My sister is a strong woman and I'm not just being bias. Her husband owns a business (which she works and is apart of) but she does the bulk of the work. Since he suffers from manic-depression or whatever, she ends of doing much more than I feel she should be doing. Between him, his two children (a 13 and 18 year old) they can be of much more assistance. However, he uses his depression to his advantage. My sister works, cooks, cleans, does laundry then cleans after cooking almost always on a daily basis. On top of all that, she takes care of her 2 year old son (my nephew) and usually helps her stepson with homework and the such. Then 80% of the time she gets up at odd hours to give the baby milk. She hardly sleeps while her baby-man usually bums around the house all day.
I can get into much more but it would be a novel. Like I mention I help her a great degree while I am there but I am getting more and more annoyed with her husband. The MAIN reason is that I usually witness the drama unfold because as you can imagine, they end up arguing a lot with my sisters husband usually stressing her to the limits. Its as if she has to take care of 4 children. That's besides the point though, I UNDERSTAND this is the life and family she chose to have and that's not something I have a say in.
However, this past Christmas sent me over the edge. My sisters husband was sick and acting like a spoiled brat and they got into an argument. Though my sister can handle her own I DO NOT like and appreciate how he yells at her and gets a little aggressive and in her face while I am there. I feel disrespected since I noticed he doesn't do this around certain individuals. He NEVER does this in front of his older brothers, my uncle or my father. Around other men he doesn't do this but I feel he has gotten way too comfortable screaming at her the way she does and I'm not tolerating it anymore. Out of ALL the men he doesn't scream at her around, I'm the one who would BEAT him to hell and back EASILY. I train in martial arts, in much better shape and would physically, literally break him in half but that's not something I want to do at all.
I've stayed out of their arguments since I understand couples bump heads but I feel like the aggressive, in-your-face arguments NEED to stop in front of me at least. I think of it from my point-of-view and I personally never have--and would never have--heated arguments in front of a woman I am with family. Those type of things I feel we have between ourselves and behind closed doors. A little quarrel is different but not a yelling match. And the thing is I KNOW he wouldn't want someone or be comfortable with something yelling at his precious daughter in front of him like that. I KNOW he wouldn't tolerate it.
I'm not trying to change their relationship but I would want him/them to have the courtesy not to argue in front of me they way they do or I'm not going to visit as much. Fortunately I didn't explode on him and confront him that Christmas day. I decided to just run out the house and cool down before I say or do anything stupid. I feel they at LEAST should listen to me.
What do you think? Whats yours feeling on this? How should I approach it next time (because there will be a next time) it happens? Anyone been in a similar situation? I'm tired of feeling disrespected and awkward in that situation. I know he doesn't hit my sister or anything but he gets physically close enough that it really makes me uneasy and for the sake of the family, I don't flip out. If it were any other guy, ESPECIALLY a stranger, I wouldn't deal with it. Given the circumstances though, its just a situation that really angers me. Thank you all
I think:
You spend too much time in their house. Don't you have your own life?
"They should argue behind closed doors" - actually, they do. But you are behind those doors, too.
They don't fight in public. They fight at home. THEIR home. Where they should fight if they have to.
Yeah, maybe you shouldn't visit that much. Let them have some privacy.
You might not like him, but don't forget, he is letting YOU live in his place. I would not want my sister or sister in law around every day. So you are LUCKY, he doesn't ever tell you to get out of his house.
It verges on creepy that you are at your sister's house so much. You imagine you are justified in telling your BIL how to behave in his own home. That makes me wonder if you are really as welcome there as you think.
First off, though it is 5 days after I still want to wish everyone a happy new year and hope this year brings you plenty of greatness.
So, this past Christmas I was at my sisters place, visiting her, my nephew and the rest of the family which consist of her husband, my brother-in-law and his 2 other children from a previous marriage. I hangout at their place quite often and they're very comfortable with me being there and appreciate my presence since I help them out a lot with house hold work and taking care of my nephew as much as I can when I'm there. I really enjoy being there but my sisters husband can be a REAL pain in the butt and sometimes keeps me from going there for a long time because of his ways.
Basically he is somewhat of a man-child in a lot of ways. My sister is a strong woman and I'm not just being bias. Her husband owns a business (which she works and is apart of) but she does the bulk of the work. Since he suffers from manic-depression or whatever, she ends of doing much more than I feel she should be doing. Between him, his two children (a 13 and 18 year old) they can be of much more assistance. However, he uses his depression to his advantage. My sister works, cooks, cleans, does laundry then cleans after cooking almost always on a daily basis. On top of all that, she takes care of her 2 year old son (my nephew) and usually helps her stepson with homework and the such. Then 80% of the time she gets up at odd hours to give the baby milk. She hardly sleeps while her baby-man usually bums around the house all day.
I can get into much more but it would be a novel. Like I mention I help her a great degree while I am there but I am getting more and more annoyed with her husband. The MAIN reason is that I usually witness the drama unfold because as you can imagine, they end up arguing a lot with my sisters husband usually stressing her to the limits. Its as if she has to take care of 4 children. That's besides the point though, I UNDERSTAND this is the life and family she chose to have and that's not something I have a say in.
However, this past Christmas sent me over the edge. My sisters husband was sick and acting like a spoiled brat and they got into an argument. Though my sister can handle her own I DO NOT like and appreciate how he yells at her and gets a little aggressive and in her face while I am there. I feel disrespected since I noticed he doesn't do this around certain individuals. He NEVER does this in front of his older brothers, my uncle or my father. Around other men he doesn't do this but I feel he has gotten way too comfortable screaming at her the way she does and I'm not tolerating it anymore. Out of ALL the men he doesn't scream at her around, I'm the one who would BEAT him to hell and back EASILY. I train in martial arts, in much better shape and would physically, literally break him in half but that's not something I want to do at all.
I've stayed out of their arguments since I understand couples bump heads but I feel like the aggressive, in-your-face arguments NEED to stop in front of me at least. I think of it from my point-of-view and I personally never have--and would never have--heated arguments in front of a woman I am with family. Those type of things I feel we have between ourselves and behind closed doors. A little quarrel is different but not a yelling match. And the thing is I KNOW he wouldn't want someone or be comfortable with something yelling at his precious daughter in front of him like that. I KNOW he wouldn't tolerate it.
I'm not trying to change their relationship but I would want him/them to have the courtesy not to argue in front of me they way they do or I'm not going to visit as much. Fortunately I didn't explode on him and confront him that Christmas day. I decided to just run out the house and cool down before I say or do anything stupid. I feel they at LEAST should listen to me.
What do you think? Whats yours feeling on this? How should I approach it next time (because there will be a next time) it happens? Anyone been in a similar situation? I'm tired of feeling disrespected and awkward in that situation. I know he doesn't hit my sister or anything but he gets physically close enough that it really makes me uneasy and for the sake of the family, I don't flip out. If it were any other guy, ESPECIALLY a stranger, I wouldn't deal with it. Given the circumstances though, its just a situation that really angers me. Thank you all
As others have said stay out if, I have to say the part I bolded is very flippant on your part. As if you think depression or being bipolar is a joke or something fake.
It isn't.
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, she ends of doing much more than I feel she should be doing. Between him, his two children (a 13 and 18 year old) they can be of much more assistance. However, he uses his depression to his advantage. My sister works, cooks, cleans, does laundry then cleans after cooking almost always on a daily basis. On top of all that, she takes care of her 2 year old son (my nephew) and usually helps her stepson with homework and the such. Then 80% of the time she gets up at odd hours to give the baby milk. She hardly sleeps while her baby-man usually bums around the house all day.
