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But this isn't kids collecting money to go on a vacation. And it is not a self inflicted emergency.
It is a church member collecting money for others in needs - church goers or not, who cares, they are HUMANS - to help pay for BASIC expenses because their dad suddenly died.
And yes, they are old enough to have jobs, but let's be realistic. A teenager doesn't earn much yet and funeral expenses are $$$$ even if you keep it cheap.
Calling yourself "Christians" but giving $10 to somebody who really needs it is too much? Get out of here!!!!
Church people should be the first ones helping other "brothers" and "sisters."
I worked in a church before and have to say that I keep getting proof that non-believers are often more helpful than the ones preaching it.
I think EVERY church should collect money for such events if the families are hit hard by funeral expenses.
People who go to church have an opportunity to give at almost every church service they attend. In the Bible a church office was formed to take care of situations like this. If I remember correctly Stephen was the first one to help with distributions for widows and orphans. I find it embarrassing for the church, the family, the person getting the specific request for money, etc. that a specific amount of money is being asked for just because this person goes to that church. That is taking advantage. Surely this church has a committee that takes care of members in need. This poster should never have been put into a position of having a specific amount of money practically demanded of her. I am willing to guess someone is out of line with the request. I am more concerned about the family the money is going to. As wife of the chairman of the finance committee, even I did not know who was awarded money when needs came up.
As my boss used to say, "If you think something needs to be done; maybe you should do it." Whoever this person who thinks the family needs money is more than welcome to send the children all the money they want to give them. Nobody is stopping them. They do not have the right to start telling others to do the same and stating how much it should be. Somebody is a control freak in very bad taste.
No, I don't think this is the case here. The mother is not asking for a donation for her kids. Another group member is. Like I said, had the text said "let's take up a donation for (insert name)," that would have been fine. But the text was for the kids of the mother. These kids were not active in our church nor did they attend. I knew / know both the mother and the deceased father and they are great people. I just don't see myself giving a donation to kids I hardly saw and who are grown themselves.
You are absolutely right. Follow your instincts. If you are pressed by this person taking up donations for the kids, tell her you already did something for the Mother on your own. You owe no further explanation.
Original poster, if you want to donate then do so, if not then don't. Personally I would be asking the specific reason why the donation is needed by the grown children.
Also, if you do not want to gift the children directly you could give a donation in the deceased name to a charity and send the family a card showing the donation.
I agree. Send $10 to an organization that opposes gun violence.
At my church a few of us are very close as friends and have grown up together. This past sunday the estranged husband of one of the girls in our little group was shot and killed. Last summer they were working on getting back together and from what I saw it seemed that everything was going good between them. Come to find out they split up again some time later in the year. They have a few kids together who are mostly grown, 18, 19 years old and one of them has a baby of her own. Well, these kids hardly come to church. They may come once every 6 or 8 months or so. Today we get a group text from one of the girls asking if each of us could give $10 each as a donation for the kids. Had we been collecting money for the mom, our friend, I probably wouldn't have a problem with that. You know, to get a flower, to buy some food to take to the house, or just to put in a card. No, the text was specifically for the kids. Yes, the mom is an active member of the church but the kids have gone off on their own and hardy show their face in the place. Am I wrong to not want to give money for this purpose?
Then again, maybe I'm looking at it from the standpoint that about 4 years ago my grandmother passed and it really hit our family hard. There was no donation taken up for me or my kids or mom. Over the years a number of us in the group have experienced loss but this is the first time that we've been asked to give a donation. Why now? Does that make me a bad person?
Some hard facts here. You are born alone and you die alone. NO one escapes that fact. It's probably one of the few places that we are truly equal. I never did like the hand out and begging that comes with this sort of situation....right up there with everyone pumping you for money when their kid graduates, has a kid, gets married, gets divorced, and yes, dies.
I buried my own, I married my own, and when I'm gone my family is under firm rules that I do NOT want a funeral...it only makes your friends sad. Just a small, gravesite ceremony with them and NO one else.
I wish people would stick to this a bit more. I get tired of the non-stop volume of getting hit up for cash every time someone so much as farts in their life. From the "my kid is graduating" (read: donate or I will tell everyone that you didn't) to "we are getting married" (read: this is the first time you have heard from them in YEARS)....etc....right up there with folks that believe they have to post every single event in their lives on facebook....."here I am drinking out of a fountain at McDonald's"....."here I am eating at McDonalds"....."here I am leaving McDonalds...aren't the kids so cute with crap all over their faces???".......ugh.....
Keep family matters to your family...the word will get out and those that care will express it.....no need to "advertise" the tragedies we ALL go through....let alone, hit people up for cash.....right up there with Sarah McLachlan's never ending commercials for abused animals....we get it already!!!! I have a rescue dog, what I am suppose to do, take on 20 of these things? Please!
No, do not contribute...this is some lame brain's family thought of hitting you up for cash in this circumstance.....tell them it will be there for them the next time they go to church.....should save you a few bucks....count on it...
People who go to church have an opportunity to give at almost every church service they attend. In the Bible a church office was formed to take care of situations like this. If I remember correctly Stephen was the first one to help with distributions for widows and orphans. I find it embarrassing for the church, the family, the person getting the specific request for money, etc. that a specific amount of money is being asked for just because this person goes to that church. That is taking advantage. Surely this church has a committee that takes care of members in need. This poster should never have been put into a position of having a specific amount of money practically demanded of her. I am willing to guess someone is out of line with the request. I am more concerned about the family the money is going to. As wife of the chairman of the finance committee, even I did not know who was awarded money when needs came up. Somebody needs to find their place and stay there and stop twisting arms.
As my boss used to say, "If you think something needs to be done; maybe you should do it." Whoever this person who thinks the family needs money is more than welcome to send the children all the money they want to give them. Nobody is stopping them.
You might be right. You might be wrong. I worked for a church and they had a very small amount for families in need. Most members don't realize how much it costs to upkeep a church, the grounds, maintainance, the staff, and everything else around it. Some people give only $5 every time they attend a service ... Just sayin ...
But if something feels fishy, yes, I wouldn't give them a dime.
They only want $10 right?
Whats the big deal?
It'll help a lot
Financial stress tends to soar at times like these
Christians - so unlike Christ
Did you miss the part where it was stated that the money was for the *grown adult children* who no longer live in the home and have their own lives?
The donation was not stated as being specifically for the Mother who more than likely has all of the financial responsibilities.
It is not *unlike* Christ to not give to those who do not need it.
As my boss used to say, "If you think something needs to be done; maybe you should do it." Whoever this person who thinks the family needs money is more than welcome to send the children all the money they want to give them. Nobody is stopping them. They do not have the right to start telling others to do the same and stating how much it should be. Somebody is a control freak in very bad taste.
You see it the way I do. Why now do we need to take up a collection for kids who are grown and hardly ever come to the church? We all have lost loved ones over the years and there was no collection taken up for anyone else. Sometimes it is the principle of the issue. If these kids were active in our church or even if they attended on a regular basis that would be one thing. Had the collection been for the mom that too would have been another thing. No, the money was/is for the kids.
i feel bad for bringing this to your attention since respect for the death of the father is more important. but this is the 3rd time you brought this up.
maybe they are agnostic or budhist; does that mean they are not entitled to our help ?
At my church a few of us are very close as friends and have grown up together. This past sunday the estranged husband of one of the girls in our little group was shot and killed. Last summer they were working on getting back together and from what I saw it seemed that everything was going good between them. Come to find out they split up again some time later in the year. They have a few kids together who are mostly grown, 18, 19 years old and one of them has a baby of her own. Well, these kids hardly come to church. They may come once every 6 or 8 months or so. Today we get a group text from one of the girls asking if each of us could give $10 each as a donation for the kids. Had we been collecting money for the mom, our friend, I probably wouldn't have a problem with that. You know, to get a flower, to buy some food to take to the house, or just to put in a card. No, the text was specifically for the kids. Yes, the mom is an active member of the church but the kids have gone off on their own and hardy show their face in the place. Am I wrong to not want to give money for this purpose?
Then again, maybe I'm looking at it from the standpoint that about 4 years ago my grandmother passed and it really hit our family hard. There was no donation taken up for me or my kids or mom. Over the years a number of us in the group have experienced loss but this is the first time that we've been asked to give a donation. Why now? Does that make me a bad person?
Is it possible that the wife of the deceased is so distraught that the adult children are responsible for organizing and paying for the funeral and that is what the money is for?
Or, the adult child needs to take off of work to care for his/her mother who is grieving and unable to function?
Or, the adult child is organizing & paying for groceries & other essential things for the widow and extended family?
Or, the adult child needs the money to pay for plane fare to get home in time for the funeral?
"Am I wrong for not wanting to give money to a deceased family?"
I'm still wondering how deceased people are going to employ the money
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I agree with this.
