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It's narcissism. There's no point in confronting her about it, because she likely will never recognize it in herself, and will just get angry and defensive and make it all about how you're attacking her.
Exactly. Kathryn made an important point on another thread earlier today. People who monopolize conversations are actually losing out on a very important part of relationships, even if they don't see that. When we listen to other people, it increases our skills as social beings. Being a person, a social being, involves giving as well as taking, and listening is an essential part of the giving. That doesn't mean pretending to listen until the person pauses for breath so we can immediately interject a comment (something me, and probably most of us, are occasionally guilty of). It means actively listening to the speaker's words, tone of voice, and observing their body language and thoroughly processing what he/she is saying before responding.
RIGHT ON.
Thanks for the shout out. I have learned this by trial and error, being a naturally extroverted person. I have to remind myself sometimes to take a step back and really look at the whole person who is talking to me, not just the words they're saying.
Sometimes it's almost pitiful. These frantic, hyperactive, breathless people who monopolize conversations are often so frazzled and distracted that it's pretty easy to see the chaos in their heads.
Then again, you could just be being held captive by a sociopath. That's always a possibility.
It's narcissism. There's no point in confronting her about it, because she likely will never recognize it in herself, and will just get angry and defensive and make it all about how you're attacking her.
I agree with you. It seems that more people suffer (or the rest of us suffer, if you will) from narcissistic personalities. You can't even admit negative aspects of you own personality without them attempting to one up you.
............I'm sure you guys have dealt with people like this. What did you do? Did you drop them as friends? .........[/youtube]
Can't drop her as a friend. She is my step daughter; has been, for 25 years.
I can tell you how bad it gets, though. She just found out LAST MONTH that I have a brother. Never even asked his name or whether he is older or younger. 25 years.
It's a character trait that runs in my wife's family.
But as a friend? No. I will not have such people as "friends".
I agree with you. It seems that more people suffer (or the rest of us suffer, if you will) from narcissistic personalities. You can't even admit negative aspects of you own personality without them attempting to one up you.
"I know, right? You think YOU'RE narcissistic - I'm so narcissistic that I keep myself awake at night talking about myself. I'm so tired of myself that I want to die sometimes, but then I'd hate for the world to lose such a beautiful being."
"I know, right? You think YOU'RE narcissistic - I'm so narcissistic that I keep myself awake at night talking about myself. I'm so tired of myself that I want to die sometimes, but then I'd hate for the world to lose such a beautiful being."
Ha ha! This woman wanted to one-up me when I had to tell my work mates that my mom's cancer had spread to her lungs and she needed surgery. Of course then her mother had had lung cancer for years but chose not to have it treated and was so tough that she was surviving just fine....yeah, right.
After many years, I still can't get that out of my head. Why would someone want to one-up your parent's cancer??? She really needed attention that badly?
If you can have conversations with others and it doesn't turn into a whole multi-hour hostage situation where you are listening to her and no one there can get a word in edgewise then it's worth going to enjoy the people who are there. But if you do feel like you're a hostage with a desire to run away screaming, then that's the sign it's time to move on.
Ha ha! This woman wanted to one-up me when I had to tell my work mates that my mom's cancer had spread to her lungs and she needed surgery. Of course then her mother had had lung cancer for years but chose not to have it treated and was so tough that she was surviving just fine....yeah, right.
After many years, I still can't get that out of my head. Why would someone want to one-up your parent's cancer??? She really needed attention that badly?
I do know people like that and I respond in much the same way as you have been over the last few months by tuning them out. It's weird but they don't even seem to notice that.
Of course they don't notice when others tune them out - that would require them to focus on someone other than themselves.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MissTerri
It's like as long as other people are in the room they can continue on with the monologue whether anyone is listening or not.
These people want an audience, they want to be heard. They have no desire to engage in a conversation where multiple people actually exchange information.
I've known several women who do this. It comes across as a stream of consciousness - as if they can't help but vocalize every thought that pops into their heads, bless their hearts.
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25 years.
