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Usually they just go on to someone else, because they don't want a real friendship, just an audience.
I agree. And so it is with Lisa. I first thought she is really being generous/friendly, etc, but the more I consider her invitations, they involve a large group of us going to some function of hers in which she inevitably becomes the center of attention, mostly because she INSISTS on it. I don't think these individuals really change. I have read several websites call this behavior "conversational narcissism." I don't think all people who talk about themselves constantly have a true narcissistic personality disorder. They may just be self absorbed or self centered. But a few of the people the other posters have mentioned, the ones in which the nonstop talker uses their stories as a bizarre competition in which they tried to one up everyone else in an attempt to be the victors in everything; now that is more of a narcissistic trait than simply talking about yourself excessively.
I agree. And so it is with Lisa. I first thought she is really being generous/friendly, etc, but the more I consider her invitations, they involve a large group of us going to some function of hers in which she inevitably becomes the center of attention, mostly because she INSISTS on it. I don't think these individuals really change. I have read several websites call this behavior "conversational narcissism." I don't think all people who talk about themselves constantly have a true narcissistic personality disorder. They may just be self absorbed or self centered. But a few of the people the other posters have mentioned, the ones in which the nonstop talker uses their stories as a bizarre competition in which they tried to one up everyone else in an attempt to be the victors in everything; now that is more of a narcissistic trait than simply talking about yourself excessively.
I agree the competitive ones are a pain. I started quickly saying "OK, you win" every time one guy started in. He actually got the message, but his solution was to avoid me and just keep blabbing to everyone else. In his mind I was the problem, not him.
There is some interesting research showing that talking about ourselves activates the reward-related regions of the brain- this is a good article on it:
There is some interesting research showing that talking about ourselves activates the reward-related regions of the brain- this is a good article on it:
I agree. And so it is with Lisa. I first thought she is really being generous/friendly, etc, but the more I consider her invitations, they involve a large group of us going to some function of hers in which she inevitably becomes the center of attention, mostly because she INSISTS on it. I don't think these individuals really change. I have read several websites call this behavior "conversational narcissism." I don't think all people who talk about themselves constantly have a true narcissistic personality disorder. They may just be self absorbed or self centered. But a few of the people the other posters have mentioned, the ones in which the nonstop talker uses their stories as a bizarre competition in which they tried to one up everyone else in an attempt to be the victors in everything; now that is more of a narcissistic trait than simply talking about yourself excessively.
How does Lisa act at OTHER peoples' functions, houses, etc.?
How does Lisa act at OTHER peoples' functions, houses, etc.?
I have been to three events in which it was for other people. One was a fair in which 6 of us went and were expected to hang out together all day. She bailed after about two hours, to our surprise, but so did the rest of our group a little later, leaving my wife and I alone. Another was a huge gathering in a warehouse, but she was busy organizing this function, so we didn't see her much at all, which we expected. And the third was a birthday gathering for one of our mutual friend's at a restaurant. She behaved in much the same way, monopolizing the conversation, but fortunately the table was one in which all the chairs were in a long row, so we could break up the conversation into smaller groups, and I just listened (and talked!) to other friends. The party next week is my birthday celebration, and all of the same people will be there.
This is my private theory, but I think this is the reason Alcoholics Anonymous is successful.
People love to talk about themselves. In that sense, it's kind of a drug. It's a high to be the perceived center of attention, to be applauded and praised.
So when you go to AA and stand up and talk about yourself, what you're doing is substituting one form of addiction for another. After all if someone tells you to shut up already while you talk about your addiction nonstop, they are committing the cardinal sin of being non supportive.
I say this as the family member of someone who went through AA. She has been going for 15 years now and, to this day, simply cannot shut up about it.
It makes me wonder how much else she has in her life. You describe her as a SAHM with grown kids-- if I'm assuming the kids are adults then, she is really a stay at home housewife. If she doesn't have a lot of activities going on outside of these nighttime social activities, she's probably itching for adult companionship. She could be talking about herself to make herself sound important and active and adventurous or whatever, or she could be just be socially pretty clueless.
In any case, I would probably do a little behavior shaping . I would comment on her personal sharing as little as possible, but really comment profusely anytime she shows interest in someone else. People like that are exhausting.
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. I would comment on her personal sharing as little as possible, but really comment profusely anytime she shows interest in someone else. People like that are exhausting.
