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As for over thinking, everyone has to process emotional crap their own way. It's easy when you have somewhat of a "normal" family.
Thus is very true and I want to thank you for bringing that up. My family was pretty normal growing up so I don't have to process things like this. But for people who weren't as fortunate as I am, they might need to go through these mental gymnastics in order to help themselves work through it.
I hadn't considered that and I thank you for providing a new perspective to consider.
I still think the OP should limit his time around those family members though because it's pretty clear that it's not a healthy environment.
Wow I can't believe the nastiest of some peoples postings here undermining this blog. If this type of situation isn't relevant to you then maybe take your own advice and just move on. However, considering this is something you would have had to search for, or knowingly selected links to navigate to, I can't help but think some trolling is going on by people who are the guilty parties in these types of situations lashing out.
There are some of us who have had these kinds of bad experiences that find this information very beneficial for recovery, especially when the abuse you get as an 'Identified Patient' / Scapegoat is straight up brainwashing and gas lighting that you are the problem and / or you are just over reacting or imagining things. My own experience was so horrific - from the time I was a baby I was picked as the IP - the psychologist who was treating me for PTSD asked me if there was inbreeding in my family, were my grandparents first cousins? Because the closest comparison she could make to my situation was inbred isolationist cult families.
I have a mother with narcissistic personality disorder, a bi-polar father with Stockholm syndrome from my mother, they made my life hell and actively encouraged others to do the same to me. They would lash out when people were nice to me and stop it. As my extended family is full of people with personality disorders, especially my mothers (more narcissism, borderline and anti-social personality disorders) there was no shortage of people who were happy to carry out more abuse. To the extent of death threats from cousins wanting money, active campaigns to destroy my university studies and following work career (I am the only person who has gone to Uni, which is a big no-no in their eyes for anyone, but I was meant to turn out a loser so it was many times worse) turning my friends against me if they were nice (abusive friends who played their game were allowed to stay), and so much more.
I was once forced to visit a cousin whom I had always loathed for her bullying. I left the living room for a couple of minutes and came back to find her stealing money from my purse. She claimed she was just tidying up after her young son made a mess and tried to blame me for leaving my bag out. I looked around the room noting he wasn't there (he had been in his room napping for an hour). She took the hint I was giving, charged at me slamming me up against a wall. I left after that. When I tried to tell my mother (thinking I might get some support) she aggressively gas lighted me telling me I imagined it and I was a terrible person for thinking this and saying anything. She also shoved me around assaulting me while saying this and commanded me to not tell anyone. Months later I found out my mother had been going around telling people I am a depressed psycho lashing out being hurtful making up nasty stories about my cousin. I tried to correct this slander, but it was too late, mum had already convinced everyone, on top of how everyone was already convinced I was a 'psycho' and a 'problem' with all the other slander she would go on with.
The above was the everyday bread and butter stuff, I won't go into the stories about how my mum told that maybe I needed to be raped! Or how she threatened if I ever had children she would happily go to child services and tell lies to have my children taken from if I didn't let her completely control me. While making that threat she bragged she would get away it because she had everyone turned against me they would go along with anything she said. I have been too scared to have children until two years ago when I cut off my mother / family and started to see a psychologist. I finally cut her off when both my best friend and I got sick of her trying to turn my BF against me whenever my back was turned. The context always was I am a dreppressive psycho who needs to be on anti-depressants to stop me from supposedly lashing out and hurting people. All I did was calming let my sisters know I am sick of their nastiness (instigated and endorsed by narc mother) and I no longer wanted anything to do with them.
My family, including extended family members, have been so brazen and blatant they admit it's lies. I have had my sisters and cousins go off their brains at me for standing up for myself. Because if I was successful in getting the rabid hellhounds (that are my mother and her sisters) to back off it would mean they would go looking for another target. It was my 'job' to take their abuse so they left others alone.
Finally having the guts to make that break is actually very hard when so much brainwashing has occurred so you doubt your own sanity, on top of society making such a big deal about family's, and especially respecting mothers / parents. There is a real fear that others would judge you harshly making that choice. Fortunately for me I have had nothing but support, and a lot of that comes down to how sadly my story of familial abuse IS NOT THAT RARE. So.......
Just because you have not had the same experience to some one else, and you have different coping mechanisms, doesn't give you the right to invalidate others people's experiences and how they feel about. Blogs like this do have a lot of value to many people, and there are some who desperately need it.
What I've always seen is that groups of people actually NEED someone to have as a scapegoat. And it really could be anybody. But they need one person they can blame everything on. And scapegoats are often blamed for things that had nothing to do with them.
Wow I can't believe the nastiest of some peoples postings here undermining this blog.
-SNIP-
Blogs like this do have a lot of value to many people, and there are some who desperately need it.
This is NOT a blog. This is a message board. Someone posts their opinion, they open themselves up to all kinds of responses - and they will get those responses (good and bad) as long as the responses don't violate the terms of service. If you want a place where there's sunshine, light, ponies and rainbows and nobody disagrees with anyone, a blog is a good place to start. THIS IS NOT A BLOG, THOUGH. I wouldn't even call it a support group if your idea of support is only people who will validate you - because you won't get that here by a LONG shot, nor should you expect to. So please, stop the lecturing. The answers here were entirely appropriate to what the OP had to "say" and in the spirit of what a message board is and does.
I think, while an interesting title which is why I opened, it was way too long to read.
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