Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My family is good friends with another family. We both have two kids that are around the same ages and are the same grade in school (go to different schools, though). Our older kids are 7. Mine is a boy and theirs is a girl. The girl is about 6 months older than my boy and is turning 8 soon, if that makes any difference. The girl has always had a little bit of a moody personality and has always had issues talking to adults. I've offered her cookies before and she has turned her body completely away from me without responding, which is fine, I've thought maybe she is kind of shy around adults other than her parents. However, she has started to also be standoffish with my kid, so I don't know if it's just a grumpy mood that she's in or what exactly. My boy is pretty friendly and always enthusiastic to see her but she often doesn't respond to him when he asks her what she wants to do or just says no when he suggests something. My kid is pretty good at shrugging these rebuffs off but I'm kind of wondering if we need to start limiting whole-family interactions with this family.
What would be the best way to deal with this kind of situation? Should we just ignore it and keep getting together with this family or start not accepting invitations or accept their invitations but not issue out as many of our own? We like the parents a lot and our younger kids get along very well (both 4-year old girls), but I don't always like seeing my boy treated unkindly.
I would deal with it by ignoring it. Just because two kids are the same age has absolutely no bearing on whether they become friends or not.
Do you think if you were stuck in a room alone with someone of the opposite sex that was the same age as you that you would deem it necessary to be friends with them? Of course not, same with your kids.
Get together with the parents as often as you like. Have plenty of toys, games, electronics available to keep the kids amused. They can each wander around doing whatever they individually please. They do not have to do anything together. That's perfectly normal. It's OK if they ignore each other.
Yes, the girl is not the friendly sort. Some kids are like that. Not your problem. Just remind your son not to take anything she says or does personally. He's friendly, she's more standoffish. Because you & the girl's parents are friends does not mean that the kids have to be friends. If the personalities don't click, then they don't click.
I agree. You can't really force it. We have family friends where all of us absolutely love each other except my older one and their older one just never clicked, even though they are same gender, same age, etc. Now of course if she is being downright hostile or really mean to you or your son, that might be a reason you don't want to hang out with them, because it's unpleasant for everyone. But doesn't sound like that's the case right now. It could also be that she thinks your son likes her and she doesn't feel the same way, so she acts more aloof than she might otherwise
I agree that we can't force the kids to be friends, but that's why I'm wondering if it's best to not have this girl over anymore. If she's not enjoying herself and is just acting bored to be at our house and is not interested in interacting with any of us, it just makes me wonder if we should just not have the whole family over anymore. We do have plenty of toys and it's not like we're trying to force her to play with my son. They have been friends in the past, I will say, so I'm not sure if she has just been in a bad mood recently. I guess it just makes me a little uncomfortable to see that she is kind of in a sullen mood about having to be somewhere we invited them to.
It sounds like you think the fact that they are opposite genders is an issue? I will note that her dad likes to brag that she is not a "girly" girl and likes "boy" things, so I guess I never saw that as an issue. My son is friends with both boys and girls at school and does not seem to be interested in girls in "that" way right now. He's kind of like a friendly puppy, but I could tell him to not be too friendly to her when he sees her?
Great lesson for your boy to learn young: Not everyone is going to like him. Better yet that it's a girl who can show him this lesson. Read the Relationships forum. Lots of men on there who never seemed to learn this and feel entitled to dates, sex, and relationships. What we learn as kids carries over into adulthood.
However, if she's outright being mean to him--calling him names, bullying him, getting physically violent with him--then you need to talk to your friend. But if she's just a bit stand-offish, then it's wrong to try to force him on her. Besides, she's 8 years old. Boys have cooties at that age.
I'm not forcing my son on her! Actually the opposite - I'm wondering if we should just stop hanging out with them because of her behavior. My son feels entitled to nothing from her. He just says hi and asks if she wants to play and she ignores him or says no, so he shrugs and does something else and then she acts very sullen.
I'm not forcing my son on her! Actually the opposite - I'm wondering if we should just stop hanging out with them because of her behavior. My son feels entitled to nothing from her. He just says hi and asks if she wants to play and she ignores him or says no, so he shrugs and does something else and then she acts very sullen.
Can't the adults just do "adult things" together? Why do the kids have to be involved at all?
`
Yes, that would be nice, but the kids can't really stay home by themselves just yet and we don't live near family to have people readily available to watch them. Plus, I would feel weird asking them to get a babysitter so we could do something together. I think I'll just stick to meeting with the mom the few times we do moms' nights and leave it at that.
I would never, ever break up a friendship with other adults because of the situation you describe. Nothing terrible is happening between your kids. Like another poster said - the girl just treats your son like he has cooties Pretty typical of this age.
Try not to focus on what they are doing when you are with the other parents. Let the kids be. They need to work things out among themselves. Don't hover over them. As long as each is amusing themselves in some peaceful way, enjoy your time with the other adults.
why are you taking it in otherway between kids and moreover nothing is wrong between your kids.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
