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I've got a rather volatile mother who had some truly awful moments while I was growing up. She could tear me down like nobody's business, and has always had a hair-trigger temper. You're in your 20s, and it's time to consider the kind of person you want to be. You've been habituated all your life to think this kind of emotional chaos is normal.
Do you really want to be the sort of person who starts arguments for the entertainment value? Do you really want to add strife to your life by pushing your mother's buttons? Do these encounters add to your personal happiness?
What worked for me was setting boundaries with my mother and putting her at an emotional distance. This is easier to do when you're not living together, so you should probably move out.
My mother knows that I will leave, hang up the phone or simply disengage if she crosses lines. I don't want to participate in her drama. My mother was very unhappy in her marriage when I was growing up, and she took a lot of her frustration and anger out on me. I understand WHY she did it, and I basically feel bad she couldn't figure out how to be happy. I'm not gonna say I forgive her, but I understand it. I accept the fact that she will never apologize for some of the things she said to me or the misery she caused me. It just doesn't signify anymore, except as a warning to me about how much I let her in.
I love her, but I am 40 years old and right now I'm JUST letting her begin to get closer to me. My focus has not been on getting back at my mother for all those accumulated offenses, but on living a happy life. And it's worked - I'm amazingly happy. And my mother is not my problem.
Location: New Albany, Indiana (Greater Louisville)
11,974 posts, read 25,470,414 times
Reputation: 12187
I had a toxic relationship with most of my family. Over the past few years I have cut ties with them and have no regrets. If your relationship with someone is still bad by the time you hit 30 it is never going to work. Time to move on.
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