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What is the proper greeting of someone you haven't seen in a long time that is now handicapped? Should you just ignore it and ask how they are doing or what they have been up to?
My friend saw someone who has lost a lot of weight and used a cane at a social function. He was taken aback and didn't want to offend the person by asking what happened to him. At the same time my friend wondered if he should have acknowledged that person's situation.
Say if you saw someone who's obviously been in an accident or illness, should you not ask and just have a normal conversation and wait till that person brings it up? Or should you offer sympathies?
I'm not prejudiced against handicapped people because I know anything can happen and our health is never guaranteed.
Just ignore it and greet them as you do everyone else. Then if circumstances lead you to actually have a true conversation, you can ask open ended questions like, "What have you been doing since we last saw each other in (school, church, work, whatever). That way you gracefully provide them with a way to either bring it up or not. But don't bring it up yourself, and don't dwell on it if they do bring it up. BTW I am one of them, and appreciate your inquiry.
OP, why not just ask he person how they are doing? You can show support and concern without embarrassing yourself, I hope.
Completely agree. I think it would be really awkward to "not" notice a significant change in health/mobility. Shock would be overboard, but certainly it's fine to ask how things are going.
Your friend is so lucky you're not prejudiced... That seems an odd comment. I would hope you wouldn't hold people's health status against them!
I think the only "should" is to do/say what you're comfortable with. It isn't right or wrong to mention any changes or to ignore them. Knowing me, after we greeted each other, if we continued to chat, I'd almost always ask about an obvious change like that directly. For one thing, I'd be genuinely concerned, and for another I might be able to assist them in some way - like with useful information or resources. I work with people with special needs, am a naturally curious and caring person, and people tend to open up with me. When you're not self-conscious about discussing personal matters, others tend to be receptive to the inquiry. If you feel awkward asking, it could come across more like you're being nosy or gossipy instead of just being real with someone.
I would never, ever, ever ask about a person's change in weight in either direction. What you perceive and what they might actually be experiencing can be two completely different things and can be highly personal.
If someone I know suddenly showed up with something obvious but temporary looking, like crutches or a cast, I think it would be almost silly not to ask what happened, express sympathy and wishes for a speedy recovery and refrain from telling every tale of every person you ever heard of with a similar condition.
To me, a cane is like eye glasses or a hearing aid. I don't comment on those so I wouldn't comment on the cane either. The nature of these devices really tell you all you need to know about the person's condition as it relates to you in that moment. If you really are entitled to know why they have a hearing loss or mobility issue, then you probably already do.
I have a lot of friends with disabilities and serious health problems (weird, random chance). Frankly, if this was a friend I cared about with an obvious disability I had not seen before, I'd just say "What happened? How are you feeling?" He or she is my friend and I care about whether they're in pain or suffering or if I should accommodate their disability.
For example, my roommate hears great with her hearing aids in, so if I was speaking loudly and clearly right at her face, she'd find it annoying. However, I know some people who can only hear a little with a hearing aid and still need someone to speak clearly and loudly to them while facing them.
And if the person in question doesn't want to talk about it, they can just tell me they don't want to talk about it. Anyone who knows me even a little bit knows why I'm asking and that I'm going to respect their boundaries.
If it was just weight loss and no visible disability, then I'd just ask how they were doing and let them tell me. Sometimes that can be a good thing and sometimes it's a bad thing.
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That seems an odd comment. I would hope you wouldn't hold people's health status against them!
