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lol I haven't had an actual date in like 7 years. My dad wonders if i'm attractive enough to even date.
At least your mom is nice enough to not say that.
I am sorry your family says such mean things to you. Your album pic certainly doesn't qualify as "too ugly to date" in circles of ordinary people. In fact, someone I know who looks very similar is currently planning his wedding to a young woman who, I've been told, is quite lovely.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Faith2187
I have a black male child and I wouldn't think that immediately if he hadn't brought girl home when he was still in his twenties--I would think he was just [bleep] as many females as possible, and having fun. I would only think he's gay if there were other things going on, beyond just not bringing a female home--usually decent parents aren't that oblivious--they know their children.
She probably knows you aren't gay and that your just struggling with dating. Your pretty vocal in this forum about issues that you believe limit you(your weight, attitude, standards, etc)--I'm sure that you're projecting this, and that she may have some idea about how these limitations effect you in dating. She may just want you to open up with her about it. Then again I don't know.
You're a grown man, you don't have to explain yourself to her if you don't want to. If she assumes your gay just because you aren't dating then that's on her...
My grandma makes comments every time I talk to her, and I've only been a single for a year and a half. I told her I was moving down south the other day, and she immediately said, "Oh those philly men must not be any good. Are you gonna get yourself a country man and get married?"
Meanwhile, she knows, like everyone does why I'm not dating, but asks me every time we talk if I'm dating anyone( no matter that I tell her each time she asks, "I'm in grad school, work full time, and I'm a single mom...And it's not a priority for me right now grandma." She knows that I have dated since living in Philly and that I never once complained about the men, she also knows that I never struggled to date--yet the assumption she makes is that somehow the main reason I'm moving is to get a husband and that I need to be dating and that since I'm not somethings up.
I didn't even address her silly comments. Just changed the subject and let it go. At the end of the day, I don't have to explain to her over and over again that I'm not dating because I don't want to. Likewise, you don't have to tell your mother that you're not dating because it's difficult for you. Now if you want to explain to her, then do--but I wouldn't even concern myself with it. Besides didn't you say in another thread her marriage is dissolving?
Yes, she is in the middle of a divorce, which makes the timing more puzzling. I say more about my struggles here than I'd ever talk about with her so she may not be knowledgeable about the limitations.
Well, I'm not that open with her so this wouldn't work.
I guess if you don't want to go into details, all you can do is reassure her that you aren't gay and you just haven't met the right person yet. I know not all parents are easy to talk to. I much prefer talking to my dad about things than my mom. He will listen to pretty much anything I feel like rambling about, so I really appreciate that. He even listened to me complain about how I was jealous that a guy I went out with a few times more than 5 years ago has a girlfriend now, and he even remembered the guy although he only met him like once or twice.
It'll be 10x's worse if you come down this way lol.
The thing is, my reasons for moving had nothing to do with Philly men, which was why it was crazy that she jumped to that conclusion, and that was even after I told her specifically why I was moving.
I've lived in the south before and I'll admit that it's a different ballpark than some of the other places I've lived but I'll also admit that I didn't struggle with dating. If anything the main difference for me was that the southern men I dated were more traditional and really were trying to "court" me. That being said I would never move to the "A"(Atlanta) and expect a decent singles scene(so nah not moving your way exactly LOL).
The East Coast isn't the best place for dating necessarily either, in fact before I moved here I remember reading an article that said that Philly was an awful place for single black women, but that was not my experience at all. NYC is supposedly the same dating wise as Atlanta(for black women at least) and DC too.
I'm sorry you're getting this pressure from your mother. I expect she knows you're not gay.
I guess I'd be inclined to tell her what you said in your opening post about you're not going to date someone just to say you have someone. You're not settling. That's wise, and if she's a wise woman she'll encourage that attitude.
It's sometimes discouraging and lonely to be alone, I'm well aware. But it's far more discouraging and lonely to be with the wrong person. Don't settle. She's out there, and she's looking for you, too. Continue being/becoming the person for whom the person you're looking for is looking.
The dynamic between children and their parents is different for everyone - so I'm not sure what you feel comfortable telling your mom or what you might say to her that could explain your situation. But I will say this - my sons are only 2 and 4 years old but I don't think there will ever come a time when I won't worry about them. I know my mom still worries about me and I'm almost 40. It's something that you can't really understand until you become a parent. It used to really irritate me when my mom would get so worried about me all the time - even though I love her dearly. Then I became a parent and now I completely understand. Maybe it will help you to know that there's always going to be something that your mom is going to worry about with you - so don't sweat it too much.
I think a lot of people, especially those close to us, have a difficult time coming to terms with a loved one having a difficult time getting in a relationship(like the op). Or in my case, my grandma isn't used to me being single, it's confusing her-I haven't been single this long before and she's starting to get worried for me. It doesn't bother me when she makes silly statements or asks me why I'm not dating. Then again admittingly if I was struggling with it or hadn't ever dated, I think it probably would bother me if people put me in position where I had to admit it. I can see why the op is distressed. I sometimes want to ask my sisters why they have never dated because I worry about them... They are 24 and 27 have not brought any man home or dated to my knowledge.
Still, I try to leave the topic alone because I don't want them to feel bad. I think the op just needs to be okay with where he's at(I don't think he is based on his threads about this topic) and let her know that.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 02-15-2016 at 12:09 PM..
Reason: Orphaned and off-topic.
.......why I have not had a relationship. Sigh, I knew this day would come. It just happened today, I get her calling about my gift to her for V-day and she asks do you have a girlfriend? I just say no. She asks why not? I have to resist the urge to rage out and just say "I've had dates not work out, blah blah." The truth is I have not had a date in 3 years. Some by my own choice, most because I have not had anyone I'm interested in actually reciprocate that interest. I figure I'm was on borrowed time about this issue and it was long due to.
Now as any self-respecting parent with a [snip] male child who has not bought a girl home this late into life, she is going to start to wonder is my son gay, etc. I don't know what to do. How can I explain to her that I just suck at dating in a way that she would understand and stop worrying about it? How can I get her to understand that I'm not going to date someone just to say I have someone?
Just say you haven't found the right one yet mate and when you do she will be the first to meet her .
My mums the opposite, whenever I mention one I'm seeing at the time she says " Stop!.....I'm fed up hearing about them all just tell me about the one you are finally gonna settle down with! "...........
I think a lot of people, especially those close to us, have a difficult time coming to terms with a loved one having a difficult time getting in a relationship(like the op). Or in my case, my grandma isn't used to me being single, it's confusing her-I haven't been single this long before and she's starting to get worried for me. It doesn't bother me when she makes silly statements or asks me why I'm not dating. Then again admittingly if I was struggling with it or hadn't ever dated, I think it probably would bother me if people put me in position where I had to admit it. I can see why the op is distressed. I sometimes want to ask my sisters why they have never dated because I worry about them... They are 24 and 27 have not brought any man home or dated to my knowledge.
Still, I try to leave the topic alone because I don't want them to feel bad. I think the op just needs to be okay with where he's at(I don't think he is based on his threads about this topic) and let her know that.
Definitely leave the topic alone.
Also, for all you may know, they're perfectly content. I get being worried, but if they're perfectly healthy people, then that's what ultimately matters.
Last edited by PJSaturn; 02-15-2016 at 12:10 PM..
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and when you do she will be the first to meet her 
. 
