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Right after being out of prison, he starts hanging around her family again, primarily her parents, and her sister's boyfriend. Him and my friend have no kids together so there's really no reason to be hanging around. He had burned bridges with people with his past drug use. When he and my friend were exclusive at one point, that was when his troubles started including screwing my friend over stealing lots of money among other things he had done to her.
Would any functional, normal family be friends with the ex of their Adult child after the ex screwed their Adult child over? My theory is they see him as a "drinking buddy". They are a family of functional alcoholics, including my friend. She told me it doesn't bother her that he's hanging around. She told me they aren't together anymore They all like to drink regularly on the weekends together. My friend isn't always there since she busy with other things in her life.
Alcoholics, even functional ones, make strange decisions. Things don't function normally in their sphere. That's all I can tell you. He may have thought that if they were sympathetic to him when he was going with their daughter, that's a place where he could go for some support. (Dumb, considering he ripped their daughter off and caused problems.) Or it could, indeed, be a "drinking buddies" kind of thing.
And no, this would not be normal for a psychologically-healthy, well-adjusted family.
It doesn't seem out of the ordinary for alcoholics or for people who have associates who've done jail/prison time. Once you've accounted for those two dysfunctions - alcohol and prison - it doesn't seem particularly dysfunctional to me.
Right after being out of prison, he starts hanging around her family again, primarily her parents, and her sister's boyfriend. Him and my friend have no kids together so there's really no reason to be hanging around. He had burned bridges with people with his past drug use. When he and my friend were exclusive at one point, that was when his troubles started including screwing my friend over stealing lots of money among other things he had done to her.
Would any functional, normal family be friends with the ex of their Adult child after the ex screwed their Adult child over? My theory is they see him as a "drinking buddy". They are a family of functional alcoholics, including my friend. She told me it doesn't bother her that he's hanging around. She told me they aren't together anymore They all like to drink regularly on the weekends together. My friend isn't always there since she busy with other things in her life.
uhm.
No.
And him hanging around alcoholics will take him right back to old habits.
It's about as dysfunctional as it gets. He's just going back into the same situation he left. He'd be getting back on track if he found new, non alcoholic, non drug using friends and joined and stayed in AA .
For him to really have a better life, he's have to move away from the past ( to another area) and start over. Instead he is putting himself right back into his past. I'm amazed you can't recognize that.
It's about as dysfunctional as it gets. He's just going back into the same situation he left. He'd be getting back on track if he found new, non alcoholic, non drug using friends and joined and stayed in AA .
For him to really have a better life, he's have to move away from the past ( to another area) and start over. Instead he is putting himself right back into his past. I'm amazed you can't recognize that.
My impression is that the OP does recognize that and is here seeking validation and perspectives.
It's about as dysfunctional as it gets. He's just going back into the same situation he left. He'd be getting back on track if he found new, non alcoholic, non drug using friends and joined and stayed in AA .
For him to really have a better life, he's have to move away from the past ( to another area) and start over. Instead he is putting himself right back into his past. I'm amazed you can't recognize that.
This. When I was young I was a bit on the wild side. I had a group I considered my friends, but when I decided to clean up my act and stopped using, I discovered that I actually had nothing in common with these people outside of our shared substance use. And they didn't really want me around when I wasn't using, either. It felt like judgment to them when I was around and sober.
The family doesn't mind his company because he is a drinking buddy, and like my "friends," alcoholics like hanging out with other alcoholics. It gives them an excuse to drink and they don't have to justify their addiction when they're with a fellow addict.
This is the last place this guy needs to be. It's going to lead him right back down the path that landed him in jail to begin with.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by willow wind
It's about as dysfunctional as it gets. He's just going back into the same situation he left. He'd be getting back on track if he found new, non alcoholic, non drug using friends and joined and stayed in AA .
For him to really have a better life, he's have to move away from the past ( to another area) and start over. Instead he is putting himself right back into his past. I'm amazed you can't recognize that.
That's why I was having doubts about whether what was he was doing was "normal" or not. It seems he's stuck in the past of what may of been "good times" to him with familiar faces. In reality, all it did was bring him down.
For him to better himself and move foward, he really needs to stop "partying" with his ex's family. My friend's dad is being desperate to have drinking buddies around at his home even if it's her ex.
Quote:
Originally Posted by toosie
My impression is that the OP does recognize that and is here seeking validation and perspectives.
Nooo, it's good to have other people's perspective when I'm not sure of it myself
Quote:
Originally Posted by JAMS14
This. When I was young I was a bit on the wild side. I had a group I considered my friends, but when I decided to clean up my act and stopped using, I discovered that I actually had nothing in common with these people outside of our shared substance use. And they didn't really want me around when I wasn't using, either. It felt like judgment to them when I was around and sober.
The family doesn't mind his company because he is a drinking buddy, and like my "friends," alcoholics like hanging out with other alcoholics. It gives them an excuse to drink and they don't have to justify their addiction when they're with a fellow addict.
This is the last place this guy needs to be. It's going to lead him right back down the path that landed him in jail to begin with.
I have found that to be true also.... And yes, alcoholics like being around others that drink as much as they do. They may not even enjoy being around "social drinkers" that know when to quit after 2-3 drinks
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(set 27 days ago)
Location: USA
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Would like more insight please
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