How do you deal with a narcissist? (talks, present, narcissists)

[Slowpoke_TX]

Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life

I would come back at her full force.

Don't do that. It will just give her validation.

There is there is no way to win with a narcissist. The best you can do is isolate yourself from them.

[hunterseat]

Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life

I would come back at her full force.

Honestly, I am related to a couple of narcissists and I understand this type very well. It SUCKS, and it totally defies logic. So stop trying to be logical in dealing with her.

I would have no problems whatsoever sending back a scathing email to the wife telling her that her reply was completely out of line, as are her expectations that you will never contact your ex since you are co-parents. I also would throw in that you never expect to hear from her again.

Then I would email your husband, or meet him in person ALONE, and tell him that you are very disappointed that he has allowed this woman to speak for him regarding HIS daughter and that you don't expect him to attend the graduation. I would, in fact, ban the new wife from any graduation events. Protect your daughter. That woman has NO business being there.

Narcissists ARE all about control, and the fortunate thing is that your daughter is grown now. I would equip her by reminding her that we don't get to choose our parents, and that parents are people, too, who don't always make the decisions we wish they would make.

Then go enjoy the graduation.

That's too much energy. Any attention you give her is feeding her. Best to ignore her, imo.
I posted a thread that is sinking quickly with no replies, but it has a link to an article that gives a lot of advise to victims of NPD. I'm about to start researching counseling as we are currently dealing with an adult narcissistic child who is in a downward spiral of self destruction as she thinks she is in total control.

Thank God you, your daughter nor I have to share a household with one of those sadistic psychos.

[Tominftl]

First of all I would tell the wife that this is her husbands daughter. She has nothing to say about anything you and your husband agree on. I wouldn't talk or communicate with her. This is a woman who is obviously very jealous of you so you need to short circuit her ASAP. Let her know if she insists on sending email or communicating with you you will take her to court.
You already have let her lead in this child support matter. I would still go after the money he owes you. Don't be a door mat....

[convextech]

Originally Posted by karenliny

I suppose I should not have been so naive as to think my wishes to move past this, all of us, would not be rebuffed by her, but does anyone have any advice or insight?

If your ex is such a spineless twit that he allows his current wife to browbeat him, then that's his problem, not yours, and they can damn well stay home. Your daughter, as an adult, should be able to see the effect this woman has on her father and can act accordingly and make her own decisions as well.


I do not 'deal' with narcissists. I put them in their place and then ignore them afterward. There is no reason for you to have a relationship with his wife, so cut off all contact. Block her emails and phone calls. If she shows up in your yard, call the police.

[goldenlove]

I feel for you, OP. I had the same sort of dynamics between my ex-husband and his wife (I refused to refer to her as a stepmother, she was never motherly to my son) and me. She insisted on sending the child support, on the occasions they decided to pay it, and she would address the envelope incorrectly every. single. time. Either put the wrong ZIP or the wrong street number in an effort to delay the check arriving. She controlled (and still controls) my ex-husband. At some point, my ex told me that she told him she was jealous of me because I was married to him first and had a child with him first. I wanted to tell her that I also dumped him first and had absolutely no desire to get him back (I have been married to my second husband for almost 25 years and was married to the ex for 4 years).

The sad part? Even though I never spoke badly about my ex to my son, my son saw how spineless his "dad" was when it came to standing up for him. The wife was verbally abusive and on a couple of occasions physically abusive to my son which is when I removed his visitation when the wife was home. My son is now 28 and refuses to have anything to do with my ex. Won't talk, text or interact at all. He blew his relationship with his son.

[LowonLuck]

I pretend he is dead. I don't talk to him about anything because he will never agree, so no need to waste my energy. I have primary custody, with tie breaking authority which gives me the right to make all decisions pertaining to the child. I share no information with him and we pretend he is dead except for pick up and drop offs twice a month.

It has been the only thing that has worked.

[Tarzanman]

Attend the graduation, but in order to keep the peace and not ruin your daughter's day... keep your immediate family separate from the ex-husband.

There is no reason to interact with his wife if nothing productive will come of it.

[Ted Bear]

Have a little chuckle, at my expense.


I was married to the narcissist form h ell. When the oldest daughter's graduation from college came around, I was excluded. Told I was not welcome. That there were not enough tickets. That SHE didn't want me there. Afraid. Basically anything to make me feel hurt and unwelcome.


I wanted to be there, and it was my intention to go.


Outdoor ceremony. Bight, sunny, hot day.


The beetch had the seats right down in the middle of the seating area. Bright hot sunny day.


I brought my lawn chair and a cooler of soft drinks. Set up under a nice large old shade tee on the hill surrounding the "reserved" area. Wonderful view. Cool. Comfortable.


The beetch must have felt right at home. Hotter than H ell. Everyone down there was scalded with burning sunshine. I and those wonderful people around me had a delightful day.


Got a few pictures and a warm, wonderful hug from the daughter. Never had to engage the princess. Left afterwards...completely satisfied...in more ways than one.

[historyfan]

Originally Posted by blueherons

Do what my husband and I did when my stepchildren graduated from high school and college, sit away from them.

We did not celebrate together, my husband and his ex wife dislike each other, the kids all know it, and we always have separate celebrations.

That you let him stop paying child support is just dumb. You could have used that money, it could have payed for her education.

I'd sue him for back child support.

Absolutely. And if you get anything from the deadbeat, you can give it to your daughter of you don't want it.

[Slowpoke_TX]

Originally Posted by hunterseat

Thank God you, your daughter nor I have to share a household with one of those sadistic psychos.

Narcissists tend to be sociopaths, not psychopaths.