Making new friends and finding new hobbies (spouse, person, definition)

[ImJustWondering016]

I always had at least 5 or 6 friends I could call up to hangout with in middle school, high school, and college. I'm in my late 20s now and I've grown apart from many friends because we now live in different cities, our lives took different paths, and other reasons. I've always been one to partake in the nightlife. Even as far back as middle school and high school, the crew and myself would always be at "teen night" at places like the skating rink. I've been a regular at "the dance nightclub" since 18. I just recently started to move away from that scene toward more laid back, older crowds at sports bars and lounges. I only have 1 real friend in my town now to call now when I want to hangout, and of course, sometimes he has other plans.

I have several questions below, answer as many as choose or had advice with.

Have any of you been in a situation with maybe 1 or no real true friends? I dont know, perhaps moved to a new city and had to make new friends. How did you finally start to meet others? If you're just a natural loner, what do you do to past time by?

What are some things you can do alone for fun that DONT involve just being a home or that you dont necessarily need a bunch of friends for?

Have you ever joined any kind of clubs, organizations, volunteered or anything of the like around town? If so, what did or do you do and how do you like it?

I just need pointers and ideas because there is more to life than what I currently do now, waiting for the weekend to go to a bar or lounge.

[gelofogo]

Hi, IJW. That's a common trajectory. The older I've become, the more I've moved, the fewer friends I have as job, spouse, kids, parents, come first: the obligatory relationships. Friendships are crucial for kids and teens, essential for good emotional health--and especially resilience--and yet they're last in priority.

There was a really good article here:How Friendships Change Over Time - The Atlantic

In a nutshell: friends, and friendships, drop off in adulthood, and return as the obligations of life lessen. There's a really useful definition of what a friend is, for most people, as well.

I joined this forum to help speed things along a little, for me.

Hope this helps!

[cesium]

Originally Posted by ImJustWondering016

Have you ever joined any kind of clubs, organizations, volunteered or anything of the like around town? If so, what did or do you do and how do you like it?

This is the right direction. Places where other people make regular, long-term commitments (and where you would do the same), will be most enriching. This involves trying to figure out, what is worthwhile to you, what would you be willing to put in significant time or energy for. A skill you'd like to become better at, or something you'd like to make better for other people.

It's easier to show up wherever you go, sport, gym, volunteer, hobby, etc., if you are in it for personal interest, rather than worrying what people around you think. Over time, you're a "regular," and maybe you get to know a few other "regulars," but this takes time, and whatever you do, has to have enough personal meaning for you that this time passes quickly.

[silibran]

I think you make good friendships when you and someone go through something arduous together. This might be at work, or if you doing a volunteer job, or maybe when experiencing a physical challenge.

Put yourself into positions where you are jointly trying to achieve something, and see if you don't make friends with a few people.

I have had few really good friends in my adult life. I know how lonely it sometimes is without them. I wish now I had not held myself apart so much. Many times I felt inadequate, or self conscious. What a waste of time those feelings are!

Ultimately I think you just have to put yourself out there to find friends. And don't be afraid to show kindness to strangers--or acquaintances. In other words, be someone who you would want to be friends with.