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I rarely talk on the phone with my friends unless we are making plans to hang out. Or if its a long distance friend. We mostly text. I don't have many friends, but I'm satisfied.
I'm glad you have friends you can at least text with, though it's hard to have a conversation that way.
My grandma would call her everyday and sometimes multiple times a day. Yes that greatly annoyed her. A few months ago I didn't call for about 5 days because she wasn't answering. I knew she was okay because I had been talking to my sister and she didn't say anything bad happened. Then she sent me text asking if I was okay and then called 2 hours later while I was at work. She's done this a few times I've tried to scale back..so I thought it was ok to call her more often.
So your mother doesn't really call her mother?
You sound very involved, and you see them a lot. I wouldn't worry about scaling back on the phone calls impacting the close knitness, relationships naturally ebb and flow, you don't have to force it. You and your mother will probably eventualy get back into the phase where you're in constant contact everyday.
Thanks everyone for your honest and thoughtful replies. To address a few questions- We typically talk for an hour and text random things to each other through out the week. At some point I was talking too much and could tell she was loosing interest. Now our convos are more balanced. Or I'll just mainly listen about her day. She is introverted and doesn't like talking on the phone that much. However, I assumed she'd make an exception for her kids ��. I guess I'm being a big baby about it....I do catch up with my siblings when visiting the house. Maybe I'll contact them a little more too. I hope they don't think I'm indifferent towards them. As someone already mentioned at least she's not overbearing. I don't mean to be clingy...I'm going to work on calling once a week. If she does say something about it I'll kindly tell her why. Sheesh..I'm feeling anxious lol
Gurl an hour is WAY too long.
It is very common for women to speak with moms daily. But I don't know about an hour. Also "introverts" can't really make "exceptions for children" when they're on overload, they're ON OVERLOAD.
Also you VISIT every other weekend you said.
I worked for the phone company in a job ON THE PHONE and all of us DESPISE talking on the phone. NOT because we don't like the stories because we're all chatty. But because it's exhausting.
I have several other friends who talk just too damn LONG. When they start repeating stories they told me the same week I stop answering the phone.
I DON'T HAVE TIME.
See your screen name? Shy? Something else is going on here. That's the anxiety.
But I wish I did have a daughter who would call alot like you. UNLESS YOU'RE ANNOYING HA HA.
I have a son. He DESPISES the phone too!
Just TALK to her about it ask her "Hey mom am I annoying calling you all the time" when you go visit next time.
I think that's the weird part. That you can't discuss it. Maybe cuz you're shy about communicating?
My kid makes no bones about telling me if I call too much! In fact it's an ongoing joke since college when I stopped paying his cellphone for not staying in touch while I paid huge college tuition and all expenses! He's an only child. We "GET" each other.
He'll often say "OK I'm gonna be by the phone because I know after we hang up you're gonna think of two other things you forgot to ask or tell me so I always expect three calls in a row." LMAO.
I talk to my mother everyday we are very close. However, she is retired and not very busy. If she was working and still caring for anyone else I would assume she was too busy to talk.
I think your mom is just trying to put some space between you...which at this age, is expected. I am sure she loves you and feels secure in her relationship with you but a)she's busy and b)you're a big girl now. I think she WANTS you to be more independent. I think it's super sweet that you want her attention so much, but at some point you need to move on and become more independent. All families vary in how often they talk...honestly, sometimes it can be too much. My MIL emails me every day and I find it so annoying. What's the point of emailing just to talk about the weather? I'd rather save up the conversations for when there is something to actually talk about.
I think for adults once a week is pretty average for parent communication. I think those families where everyone is up in everyone else's business are not as common. Plus can you imagine how stressful that would be? A little distance is good. You need to move on in your own life, form bonds with other people who can give you the emotional support and friendship you seem to want from your mom.
Separating from your family of origin is painful, but necessary. Your mom knows you still love her, and she loves you too!
Be grateful she's not like my MIL, who wants both of her sons to not only call 2 or 3 times a DAY, but visit every day also. And an hour or so is not long enough. *argh*
Your mom is a person who has a life, and she expects that you will make your own separate life (that's what we do when we grow up)...not completely separate, but enough that you don't have to call her every day or even 3x a week.
I totally agree with this post. Good advice here. Your not a child anymore. Get a life. ...
This may surprise people based on my past posts about how people should answer their phone and not "screen" calls, but I agree with most of what I've read here. A grown woman calling her mother everyday--forgive me for being ugly, but that is a bit askew. Once a week sounds much more normal, if I can use that word respectfully.
We're all different, but I remember getting out on my own at age 27, I moved all the way from one side of the country to the other (NC to AZ) specifically because I wanted to really put some space between my then current situation (having all of that family all close to me) to one where it was now emphatically MY life now. To me, it's the most natural thing in the world that a person in their 20s is going to be anxious to start their own life and make their own mark. It doesn't work well that way if you're still too "joined at the hip" to your parents. You've got to make friends your own age.
The other thing is, if this person ever marries or has a serious boyfriend, this could be a problem if he thinks his wife/fiancee etc is too much into either of her parents and it cramps their style of living in someway. Me personally, I do like visiting family on occasion, but I also like getting out there and doing things--cycling, jumping in the water, shooting baskets at a hoop etc. I would not want it to be that every time I got a day off we were spending all day in my wife's parent's house. Oh heck no.
You're 30 years old. It's really time for you to be a grown up and have your own life.
Calling mom everyday? That's over the top. She has a life. She has a job. She has other children.
Visiting every other weekend? You really need to get a group of friends who you can do things with.
You sound very needy and co-dependent. Mom clearly has a life. Why don't you?
Dependent, not co-dependent. Co-dependent refers to someone who is enabling another person with an addiction or mental issue. Not picking on you, but I see the term co-dependent misused in that way a lot lately.
But yes, she does sound too dependent on mom for someone her age. My mother is 87. I don't call her every day.
You're 30 years old. It's really time for you to be a grown up and have your own life.
Calling mom everyday? That's over the top. She has a life. She has a job. She has other children.
Visiting every other weekend? You really need to get a group of friends who you can do things with.
You sound very needy and co-dependent. Mom clearly has a life. Why don't you?
Well summed-up. I had a friend who called home often, and visited a couple of times a month. This went on into middle age. I didn't realize it at the time, but her parents pretty much were the mainstay of her social life; she didn't have many friends. When her parents died, she became mentally unhinged. That's when I realized what an oversized role in her life they'd played, and how dependent on them she still was. Sad.
Don't let this happen to you, OP.
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