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I am living in Atlanta, GA. I live in a condo building with a shared gated yard. Some new neighbors just moved to the house next door, and their adult son is living in the carriage house out back. One of my neighbors alerted me that the son has been asking people in my building about me. He knows my dog's name, he knows what time I leave for work in the morning, what time I get home, he described an outfit I was wearing, and he noted that I was "out of town last weekend" (I was). He's been told to leave our gated courtyard by at least one of my neighbors in my building, telling him it was private property and he needed to leave (the courtyard isn't locked). They said it seems like his social "norms" are warped and he must have some mental disability/disorder of some sort.
This guy MAY be harmless but I'm also being overly cautious because I don't know the guy, his history, or intentions and it's just creepy to know someone is watching you that closely and you've never even seen him before.
Do you think this calls for a restraining order? Or me sending someone over to talk to his parents about it and let them know if this continues, I will be getting a restraining order against their son? What should I do? I don't want to make this into a bigger deal than it needs to be, but honestly who knows what else this guy knows about me or how close he's watching me, and it could be dangerous so I'm being cautious.
Why can't you talk to the parents first before seeking a restraining order? Perhaps he does have special needs. It's hard to restrict older special needs kids 100% of the time, they should have some degree of freedom to move around (I say this as the parent of a special needs person), but these kids can surprise us at times as any kid can, minus, sometimes, the social filter/full understanding of social mores. If this were my son, I'd be horrified and I'd for sure want to know, and I would definitely be having talks with my son and perhaps presenting him with illustrations and social stories. If the police were just called without my even knowing this was going on or if we were slapped with a restraining order I'd be shamed on top of horrified. Give these parents a chance.
If, after you've spoken to them, you see that they don't care, or they're defensive or...whatever, then you might want to pursue other actions for your protection.
I don't think you can get a restraining order unless something threatening has happened, or unless he's harassed you directly. What is it about his behavior that caused your neighbors to tell him to leave the property? Was it the questioning about you, or was there something more?
What you can do is start a log. Write down incidents of his talking to neighbors about you, and the date, neighbor's name, & details. You can report this to police, who now have protocols for dealing with stalking incidents (which includes advising complainants to keep a log). However, since you've never encountered him directly, your case will have a lower priority, but it wouldn't hurt to get it on record, in case the situation escalates. It may not. This could be a case of a crush resulting in a fixation that wouldn't go farther than that. There's no way to know. Do you know his name? You could do a Google search on him.
Keep a factual journal of anything to do with him: dates, times, places, people, everything. If he starts writing to you or sending you gifts, be sure to keep them too, or if it's something perishable like flowers, take photos. It may turn out he's harmless, but just in case he is not, your own written records is going to be the only evidence to back up your word.
You won't get a restraining order if he hasn't threatened you or attempted to harm you. Knowing information about you is not grounds for a restraining order.
I am living in Atlanta, GA. I live in a condo building with a shared gated yard. Some new neighbors just moved to the house next door, and their adult son is living in the carriage house out back. One of my neighbors alerted me that the son has been asking people in my building about me. He knows my dog's name, he knows what time I leave for work in the morning, what time I get home, he described an outfit I was wearing, and he noted that I was "out of town last weekend" (I was). He's been told to leave our gated courtyard by at least one of my neighbors in my building, telling him it was private property and he needed to leave (the courtyard isn't locked). They said it seems like his social "norms" are warped and he must have some mental disability/disorder of some sort.
This guy MAY be harmless but I'm also being overly cautious because I don't know the guy, his history, or intentions and it's just creepy to know someone is watching you that closely and you've never even seen him before.
Do you think this calls for a restraining order? Or me sending someone over to talk to his parents about it and let them know if this continues, I will be getting a restraining order against their son? What should I do? I don't want to make this into a bigger deal than it needs to be, but honestly who knows what else this guy knows about me or how close he's watching me, and it could be dangerous so I'm being cautious.
Thank you!
Have you consider asking him out to coffee, lunch, or diner and get to know him?
Have you consider asking him out to coffee, lunch, or diner and get to know him?
Very bad idea. You have no idea what this person is like. Being the least bit accommodating or encouraging of someone giving unwanted attention can spiral out of control very fast.
Very bad idea. You have no idea what this person is like. Being the least bit accommodating or encouraging of someone giving unwanted attention can spiral out of control very fast.
I agree. Don't give encouragement. Contact the parents.
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What to do about potential stalker?
