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If it were me I would have texted her back and said "hey if you have a lot to do still and can't make it I'll go solo" I would have never not gone because she didn't text me back.
Your friend was simply not that invested in meeting up with you. If her text "Still in Louisville" was meant to convey that she was otherwise occupied for the day, it was rude. She had previously indicated that she would meet up with you.
I think this friendship is not active, to say the least.
I don't think it does any good to be angry though. You learned that this person does not value your friendship, or that she is unable to plan ahead enough to keep her commitments. Chalk it up to experience, and move on. There is no need to continue the argument with her via text. She is unavailable to you; she isn't that interested.
Sometimes we find out the true colors of a friend when she does something like this.
I didn't really care that our plans got cancelled, again - it was totally casual and nothing major, but her nonchalant, dismissive attitude really has rubbed me the wrong way.
That attitude is a sign that she doesn't consider you a person of consequence. She may disappoint/cancel on you without wrongdoing. Why she feels that way could vary, but it all comes down to she either doesn't think there's a consequence, or doesn't care. Perhaps she even hopes for one. Either way, she thinks it's acceptable. And to her, probably it is.
In all cases, the situation is already solved. Don't arrange to meet her for anything in the future. Make arrangements with people who handle their portion like adults. If she contacts you and wants to do something, it's up to you, but if you want to make up excuses and not tell her the truth, fine; she has not earned the truth. You're not her social counselor, after all, with a duty to teach her new lessons; she's a grown woman and it's up to her to decide how to be. Devote your attention to people who respect your time and consider events with you to be priorities. This is a situation that needs no further closure because the closure has already occurred. Who cares what her reasoning is?
Location: Scott County, Tennessee/by way of Detroit
3,352 posts, read 2,825,032 times
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You didn't say what time you sent the text to ask about 6:30 but if it was earlier like 2pm or so then yeah. She should have clarified...What does still being in Louisville got to do with hours away from the meeting? ..I would never leave someone hanging like that......
Well she should have said she wasn't going anymore, but some people are unable to communicate clearly. Instead of responding "Ok" you could have sent a confirmation text just to make sure the plans were still on.
"Still in Louisville" implies to me that she's expecting to not be finished with her errands by 6:30. Your saying "OK" implies that you understand that she will be running late and accept it. You should have followed up with "What time works? Or rather postpone to another day?" This would have probably elicited the answer you needed to either wait for her or go by yourself.
That said, she's in the wrong for blaming you for lack of clarity, when she herself didn't do much to clarify the situation either. And her dismissive attitude implies that she doesn't place much value in your friendship. Indeed, it sounds like she's trying to find an excuse to push you away.
Interesting replies. When I want to make sure things don't fall through the cracks I text. It's way better than a phone call which can start the whole who-has-the-better-memory-of-what-was-said (and what was meant) quagmire. One of the best things about texting is it can be used to make plans/agreements crystal clear and put them in writing. But the text feature is just a carrier, not a communicator. Effective communication still depends on the people doing the texting. Sometimes it seems like real communication is one of hardest things in the world to pull off.
Some "friends" are genius at non-responses, they should be diplomats, whose job is to say "no" without ever saying it.
People that treat me this way don't get a second invitation, not because they didn't say yes but because they don't say what they mean. I don't mind people saying "sorry I can't" but leaving things open for their benefit is not friendly.
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