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She's not a friend but an acquaintance, so why torture yourself over this? if all these people in the circle treated you poorly, it's time to leave the circle.
Or you might consider that she is walking a tightrope between different friends and trying to keep peace with both sides? Without knowing both sides and what this horrible thing was, we can't make any more judgment than that.
I am really angry at a friend. She's not a close friend, more of an acquaintance, but I see her a lot and we share some social circles. Not too long ago I had a really bad experience with a couple of people in our circle. They treated me horribly. I won't go into details, but I'll ask you to take my word for it that what they did was really wrong and hurtful, and I did not do anything to bring it on myself. They've done the same thing to some other people also.
Well, I was talking to this friend, and the subject of what happened came up, and she said something like, well I know you don't like them but I love them and think they're wonderful people. And then she waxed poetic about these people for several minutes. It made me furious. I know they have treated her well, but isn't it rude to say that someone is a wonderful person and you love them when you are speaking to someone that you know was badly wronged by that person? Up until now I've considered her a nice person, but after those comments I'm feeling differently. I think it makes her almost as bad when she knows they've hurt someone but still says they are wonderful people just because they have been nice to her.
Not enough information to give an opinion.
Because opinions differ widely on what "being wronged" is, especially among women.
I don't know you, so I don't know what it means when you say, "They treated me horribly." Did they run over your cat? Did they break into your house and steal prescription drugs? Did they key your car?
Or did they just express a negative opinion of you to someone else, who turned around and told you?
Because opinions differ widely on what "being wronged" is, especially among women.
I don't know you, so I don't know what it means when you say, "They treated me horribly." Did they run over your cat? Did they break into your house and steal prescription drugs? Did they key your car?
Or did they just express a negative opinion of you to someone else, who turned around and told you?
Yes, it's hard to say anything without the facts, I know. But for anonymity I don't feel comfortable stating them, so I just asked responders to imagine that it was definitely something wrong. I'll go one step further and say that it caused my family months of anguish and we nearly had to move. But beyond that I can't give any details.
This person may be entitled to her own loves/hates.. but to go on & on about someone who caused great harm to someone else- TO the person they hurt..? Not only rude and cruel
but maybe even a bit of a power play. People do weird shlt and who knows why..? But the fact that this person clearly chose a side and did not care about hurting you further by praising the other couple to your face- clearly shows that your friendship is not a priority to her.
There are ways of being TACTFUL (increasingly a lost art, apparently!) in these situations.. where she could've said 'well...... I've had a good relationship with them so far- but I do understand you had a huge falling out with them- I have a different relationship and see another side of them, I guess they never showed that side with me.. but it sounds terrible & must have been an awful thing to go through.. I don't know why they did that to you, sorry you had to go through that'.. etc etc.
And really, they should be careful about putting the other couple too high on a pedestal.. because if they did that evil stuff to you- they may just as easily do the same to THEM. So they should take your story seriously and at least listen with an open mind. Because they could be next....!
I am really angry at a friend. She's not a close friend, more of an acquaintance, but I see her a lot and we share some social circles. Not too long ago I had a really bad experience with a couple of people in our circle. They treated me horribly. I won't go into details, but I'll ask you to take my word for it that what they did was really wrong and hurtful, and I did not do anything to bring it on myself. They've done the same thing to some other people also.
Well, I was talking to this friend, and the subject of what happened came up, and she said something like, well I know you don't like them but I love them and think they're wonderful people. And then she waxed poetic about these people for several minutes. It made me furious. I know they have treated her well, but isn't it rude to say that someone is a wonderful person and you love them when you are speaking to someone that you know was badly wronged by that person? Up until now I've considered her a nice person, but after those comments I'm feeling differently. I think it makes her almost as bad when she knows they've hurt someone but still says they are wonderful people just because they have been nice to her.
And what was your response when they treated others poorly?
I'm not unsympathetic but from your post (and the limited details which I totally understand) it sounds as if you were perhaps aware of their bad behavior but ignored it until you were the recipient. Your friend might be doing the same.
Doesn't make it right but just pointing out a perspective.
Last edited by maciesmom; 05-29-2016 at 09:56 PM..
I am really angry at a friend. She's not a close friend, more of an acquaintance, but I see her a lot and we share some social circles. Not too long ago I had a really bad experience with a couple of people in our circle. They treated me horribly. I won't go into details, but I'll ask you to take my word for it that what they did was really wrong and hurtful, and I did not do anything to bring it on myself. They've done the same thing to some other people also.
Well, I was talking to this friend, and the subject of what happened came up, and she said something like, well I know you don't like them but I love them and think they're wonderful people. And then she waxed poetic about these people for several minutes. It made me furious. I know they have treated her well, but isn't it rude to say that someone is a wonderful person and you love them when you are speaking to someone that you know was badly wronged by that person? Up until now I've considered her a nice person, but after those comments I'm feeling differently. I think it makes her almost as bad when she knows they've hurt someone but still says they are wonderful people just because they have been nice to her.
She is your acquaintance, but she is their friend. Talking to her about them put her into a defensive mode.
Choose who you open up to wisely. These are not your friends, walk away and make some real friends.
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