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I kinda understand the OP but I suspect her situation is not unusual. In this new online world, people are spending all their free time typing away at strangers. Look what we are doing right now. It is Saturday afternoon. Why aren't we out and about? I don't think I have a single friend that I can just drop in and have a beer with. I am not that close to anybody. For most people it is work-home-internet/TV then sleep. It's becoming a lonely world by the day.
There has been a lot written about how the Internet is making us more lonely.
It could be true. But then if you go back and look - I just did - throughout the modern era people have written books about how lonely people are.
maybe it is due to the characteristic of modern times, such as:
- we don't have much community any more. we don't know our neighbors.
- families move away
I never had many friends when I was young and I didn't feel like I fit in then (and I've never tried to fit in) so it's been this way my whole life. I'm just not a sociable person. I have very specific interests and if other people don't share them, then I don't really have much to say to them. Not that the conversation always has to be about me and my interests, but I'm just saying that I don't like to just talk for the sake of talking. You sound like you're at least trying to make connections so I'm sorry that things aren't working out for you.
I'm the same way as you.
I more blame my own personality for being alone than on society.
Bec. if one is fond of talking about trivia one can find a lot of people to talk to.
and I am NOT putting down people who talk about trivia,
just that it doesn't interest me.
I wish it did.
I am more interested in things like science, culture, politics, and most people I know find these things boring...
You were using moving as an example, that if you had friends they would help you move.
You were not saying all you want out of people is to use them.
It is a natural thing, when I was in college we all helped each other move. Nobody even needed to ask.
these responders are misunderstanding.
btw, I am in the same situation.
I have lots of acquaintances, no 'best friend', that person you can count on no matter what.
People always say to me, "Oh you have so many friends", bec. anywhere I go in the small town where I live, I am likely to run into someone I know.
but these are not friends.
Yes, when you were in college. The OP is her 30s.
While that is still on the young side as people get older asking them to move heavy objects isn't a good idea, that's why there are professional movers who wear back braces, and know how to lift properly,and have the equipment to do so.
No one is misunderstanding. When you're a professional person pay for movers. The only exception I could see is if someone is in dire financial straits and is getting evicted or foreclosed on, or getting out of an abusive relationship and needs to get ASAP.
But if you're just moving because you bought a new house or condo, get movers.
I know what you mean OP. Do you have any specific interests or hobbies? Like writing, bird watching, going to the gym, reading comics, etc? Literally anything? There is a site called meetup.com that I have heard many people use, where people pick their interest and find like minded people that way. I would think having that kind of commonality, something that you are truly passionate about, would be a much better way to bond than just a kickball team or whatever, which tends to attracts all types.
It happens to everyone. I have moved twice over the past couple years and I can attest to feeling lonely, especially because I went from a city where I did have a lot of friends. Now I have started putting together a friend group but the fact is it does take time, and it's tough. Plenty of people who are older than 25 already have friend groups set and they're not looking to add more.
I think finding someone with a common interest would be your best bet. Its something to hold onto even during the awkward beginning stage of a friendship where you might not know what to say.
Good luck!
what I find in these interest groups, is that I make more acquaintances, not close friends.
I am 69, and in earlier years - right up to about 10 or 15 years ago - I always had a close friend.
I don't think it is inevitable that as we age, we find more difficulty in making friendships.
But something changed in my life - maybe the ability to Trust.
I think the ability to trust is key to making and keeping friends.
Oddly, this thread is actually making me feel good, or at least like I'm not alone in this "no friends" thing. I'm 64. When I was in my 20s & 30s it seems all my friends came from work. We'd go to lunch together or get together for drinks after work and this would lead to other outings, playing racquetball, going to a game, etc.. I got married at 37, became a Dad at 38 and this became my world. My single friends faded away, but we had "couple friends" to hang out with. When I was 43, we were getting divorced . I quickly found out that the couples friends don't remain your friends after this. The wives don't want their husbands hanging out with a single guy and any sort of get-togethers become awkward. I buried myself in my work and in taking care of my kid. By then I was in my own business and I worked alone. There were no friends from work to hang out with. When my son left home for college in another state, it really hit me. I have very few real friends. I have business associates & clients who I talk to and I chat with the people I visit in my daily work day, but no close friends to hang out with like the old days. I find that as this has gone on, I have adjusted and become less engaging as well. I'm so used to being on my own, that I've found enjoyable ways to spend my time and now other people are more of a hassle than a comfort. I'm good with phone calls to keep in touch and the occasional get together, but mostly I'm on my own. Sounds like I'm not the only one.
I read in a book that chronic loneliness actually changes the shape of the brain.
And lonely people are less likely to take risks, and more likely to see a slight.
I think there is something to this-- I know people who are very secure, and they will call someone all the time, even if that person doesn't call them. They don't worry about whether that person likes them or not. Whereas for me - I would feel, well they must not want to hang out with me.
I read in a book that chronic loneliness actually changes the shape of the brain.
And lonely people are less likely to take risks, and more likely to see a slight.
I think there is something to this-- I know people who are very secure, and they will call someone all the time, even if that person doesn't call them. They don't worry about whether that person likes them or not. Whereas for me - I would feel, well they must not want to hang out with me.
I don't think it's emotionally healthy to keep calling someone who isn't returning calls. When people don't reciprocate things, I let them go.
I don't think it's emotionally healthy to keep calling someone who isn't returning calls. When people don't reciprocate things, I let them go.
Completely agree I am tired of being the person who calls or text to see how ppl are doing. People kill me with I am soooooooooooo busy..yeah until they have problems then all of a sudden they want you to listen.
Completely agree I am tired of being the person who calls or text to see how ppl are doing. People kill me with I am soooooooooooo busy..yeah until they have problems then all of a sudden they want you to listen.
Agree, busy is the buzz word now for "I just don't want to be bothered".
With technology today people should actually have more time. You don't have to go to stores to buy clothes, you can do it online. Cooking takes less time. Just about everything takes less time.
I don't think it's emotionally healthy to keep calling someone who isn't returning calls. When people don't reciprocate things, I let them go.
I dunno. I think it's a matter of personality.
The person I referred to who always calls the one who doesn't make calls -
she accepts that the person is not going to reciprocate, and she feels that what this person offers in friendship makes it worthwhile to be the one who reaches out.
so for her it works.
but for me, I must have some reciprocity-- not that for every call there must be one back-- I don't keep score - but in general.
Lots of females are busy with the family routine....Can sometimes stay around if single if you are kid-friendly or babysitter type.
Recommend you check out meetup.com groups for your city to find some new people.
Can also take up the RV thing part-time and meet some of the networking groups that travel together to RV. Just do google search to find them....
May be good time to just work on freelance work for your own side business or get a pet.
I'm stuck in same situation but finding too many friends locally who went with the hate-monger church approach and their behavior is just too stupid to keep spending time with them out in public. They don't know what they do and since I work in marketing/PR, I have to give a damn about how I present myself. Some locally who chose not to pursue higher education really are an embarrassment..Is idiot show.
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. I quickly found out that the couples friends don't remain your friends after this. The wives don't want their husbands hanging out with a single guy and any sort of get-togethers become awkward. I buried myself in my work and in taking care of my kid. By then I was in my own business and I worked alone. There were no friends from work to hang out with. When my son left home for college in another state, it really hit me. I have very few real friends. I have business associates & clients who I talk to and I chat with the people I visit in my daily work day, but no close friends to hang out with like the old days. I find that as this has gone on, I have adjusted and become less engaging as well. I'm so used to being on my own, that I've found enjoyable ways to spend my time and now other people are more of a hassle than a comfort. I'm good with phone calls to keep in touch and the occasional get together, but mostly I'm on my own. Sounds like I'm not the only one.
