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Seems to me that by the age of 70, you should know how to speak up.
When she insists on everything her way for meeting, you say, "Sorry, my weekends are tied up for the next two months; let me know when you have a weekday free" or "No, I really don't want to have dinner that late; maybe we can do lunch sometime instead" or "I really don't like that Japanese restaurant -let's do Italian or Chinese."
When she piles food on your plate, say, "No, thanks, I don't like tomato sauce." And don't eat it.
As for the arguing, either learn to poke holes in her logic, or just say, "This is too argumentative for me. Let's change the subject." You can also start topics that include your husband, and he can speak up for himself, you know.
Life is too short to waste it on someone like this.
I get it that you feel you don't have any friends, but honestly, this person is not a friend. Friends treat their friends with respect (she does not), take their preferences into consideration (she doesn't). Friends don't treat your spouse like a nothing.
It's not easy to make new friends, but it's not impossible.
Check you local library, senior center, ymca, house of worship, and start going to meetings like bookclubs, but alas I hikes, volunteers your time where you can (food bank, eyc), join hiking and walking groups, etc
Seems to me that by the age of 70, you should know how to speak up.
When she insists on everything her way for meeting, you say, "Sorry, my weekends are tied up for the next two months; let me know when you have a weekday free" or "No, I really don't want to have dinner that late; maybe we can do lunch sometime instead" or "I really don't like that Japanese restaurant -let's do Italian or Chinese."
When she piles food on your plate, say, "No, thanks, I don't like tomato sauce." And don't eat it.
As for the arguing, either learn to poke holes in her logic, or just say, "This is too argumentative for me. Let's change the subject." You can also start topics that include your husband, and he can speak up for himself, you know.
Absolutely.
Funny, the OP has been on CD but never came back to her thread.
I guess she didn't like the responses about not being a doormat.
She says she has few friends, well that's OK. Less can be more.
Better to spend time alone than put up with this nonsense.
Just because you're 70 doesn't mean it's too late to form meaningful friendships. My mother is continually adding new people to her social circle at your age. Heck, my father still makes new friends at his age (85).
-Do things as a couple with your husband, like church events or dances, with other older couples or senior groups.
-My roommate's parents are about your age, and they make friends wherever they go. When they visited, they went to a sports bar that favored their hometown team, and ended up forming a ton of temporary friendships during their stay.
-Go on a cruise with your husband - it's another way older people can make friends in a low-pressure environment.
-I'm 40, and I have a few friends who are approaching 70, so you don't even have to stick to senior groups.
-Volunteer at the hospital
-Get a part-time gig at cute boutique or shop - I have 10-year friendships with people that are remnants of the last time I had a part-time job.
-If you like animals, get a small dog and socialize the bejesus out of it. My mother has met so many people just by walking her Pomeranian it's ridiculous. And I have met many older people who do low-impact dog sports like nosework with their pets.
-Volunteer at the local library.
Your current friend is not worth it. Does she add anything to your overall happiness? Seems like she just causes stress and also strife in your most important relationship, the one with your husband.
I personally would end this friendship & not associate with her anymore, no matter what age I am & no matter how few friends I have. It sounds like pure torture to me & life is too short for that. She's really narcissistic because her mentality is that everything has to revolve around her...people on her jobs that she can't get along with, probably family members of hers, etc.
However, if you honestly don't mind putting up w/ her for shallow conversation & that bit of social interaction once every 2-4 months or longer, then I guess it's up to you...who am I to say NOT to, but ONLY if your husband doesn't have to drive ANYMORE. Why put him through this torture? She's 10 yrs younger than you & works & moves all over, so surely she drives right? She seems very spry & active to me. If she insists she's not driving, then you definitely, definitely don't need her as a friend.
What is important here is how you feel about the future of this relationship regardless of your age. The only prisons we have are the ones we make ourselves.
I have a friendship issue too. After 2 years and feeling drained after every phone call with this friend, I finally had to get the courage to give her a wakeup call. She got in the phone for the umpteenth time without a "how are you", "what's new?" or "weather is beautiful, isn't it?" She proceeded to immediately start her usual rant against her elderly parent. Whose main fault (from what I gather) seems to be mainly complaining about her aches and pains. Certainly not deserving of the disrespectful attitude that this "friend" has towards her on a regular basis. I must add that the friend lives with the elderly parents so they are paying for the major household expenses. The friend isn't working full time and even if she was, she probably couldn't afford to live on her own. Her hatred of her mother is full blown and seems unwarranted to me. The issue seems to be that my friend is unwilling to look at her own life and make changes so it's easier to focus on the parent. Her rants are constant and very draining.
So she got hurt when I told her I'm tired of the negativity and she ended our friendship. In one respect I'm relieved, because I am on a trajectory to live my life to the fullest and am committed to helping people and living in peace and harmony. When I have a spat with someone, I try to look at my stuff and own it and apologize for my part. I'm not perfect but I'm working on it. I take many positive actions every week to stay on the positive beam. I don't want to get sucked into someone else's negativity. I'm not a therapist! Find one if you need one, don't drag someone else down.
Unfortunately, this friend was one of my only friends. I'm single and getting up there in years and it's not easy to meet unattached women. I know a few married women but they are generally not available because their free time is consumed with their husband, kids, grandchildren, and other married couples.
By the way, the comment made above about singles being unable to form relationships was clearly unkind. Whoa! To make a statement like that with the context that a married person is "better" than a single person is just plain wrong, smug, self righteous, and is pretty brazen. There are many reasons why someone is single. Don't assume there's a problem with forming relationships. I'm single because I spent many years taking care of an ailing parent. I'm not suggesting that I didn't have relationship issues but I think everyone does--please explain the 50% divorce rate if every married person is perfect at relationships.
So, bottom line, for me, it's not worth it to hold onto a toxic friendship. Life's too short. I would rather be a little lonely than listen to these negative rants day and night.
If you would really like to save the friendship you could try talking to her about it but I think that it might be best to just let it go since it sounds like the friendship is draining you. There are plenty of places to meet new people (volunteering, special interest groups, classes,etc) so consider looking into that.
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