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I am completely burned out of my mother. I can't take anymore of her behavior. My dad ended up in the hospital because of a bad infection in his abdomen. Thank goodness he is stable and doing better. My mom is freaking out and I keep telling her to calm down. She acts ok one minute and the next she is acting like everyone is her fault and especially me that I don't care about her. I take my time out helping my folks out whenever they need me. I am 42
Years old and have my own life. I still
Want to have a family of my own. And she tends to be narcissistic once in a while. Many people have seen it
. I was supposed to do a few errands for my mom
Last weekend. Her attitude really got on my nerves that I just got in my car and went home. She then kept calling my cell phone leaving me voicemails calling me bad names and that she was going to ban me from seeing my father at the hospital . I finally picked up the phone on Saturday and she started again . I told her to calm down and cool off. That I
Would help
Her and it was like talking to the wall. Then she had an outburst crying that she was going to commit suicide and I got scared. I immediately called 911 and said what was happening and the police came over
To the house and calmed her down. And then I explained to
The police how she was behaving
. I spoke with her later on in the day and she started again and I told her about the voicemails she left me and that if she didn't stop acting that I would
Play the voicemails for people she knows and they will think differently of her. Then she goes about saying that she will find an attorney to go after me for blackmailing her reputation with the voicemails if I play them to role she knows. Can she really do
That and win? One thing I have is that I called 911!and the police came because she wanted to attempt
Suicide? Please let m e know where I stand with this
If she is truly a narcissist, you are wasting your breath. You might as well try herding cats (although I think you would be successful there).
There is no compromise with a narcissist. Your only option is to minimize contact with them.
Yes but she go to an attorney claiming that I threatened to play the voicemails to a person she knows and wants to sue me for blackmail? Would an attorney listen to her and take a case like that? Because I do not plan of playing the voicemails she left me to anyone
Yes but she go to an attorney claiming that I threatened to play the voicemails to a person she knows and wants to sue me for blackmail? Would an attorney listen to her and take a case like that? Because I do not plan of playing the voicemails she left me to anyone
I doubt she would do that, but then again, I'm not a lawyer.
I doubt she would do that, but then again, I'm not a lawyer.
And usually when tries to be sorry she wants to buy me dinner. I know I will refuse. Am I doing the right thing of sticking to my word?
Also I didn't leave any threat messages or any insults. So basically can I just ignore and go completely no contact with her and then she can't go attacking me with anything?
Mickey,
You were already told the answer. The above poster, red, follow his advise.
Get a new cell phone, or new phone number if you have a land line, and don't
have any more contact with her.
When you want to see your father, go to the house and see him.
Don't stay long, just a real short visit.
Then leave, and DO NOT TALK to her when you are there.
Good luck with that, I had an entire family like that, drove me crazy to the point
I had to cease contact to save my sanity.
Mickey,
You were already told the answer. The above poster, red, follow his advise.
Get a new cell phone, or new phone number if you have a land line, and don't
have any more contact with her.
When you want to see your father, go to the house and see him.
Don't stay long, just a real short visit.
Then leave, and DO NOT TALK to her when you are there.
Good luck with that, I had an entire family like that, drove me crazy to the point
I had to cease contact to save my sanity.
I know what you mean. That is why I have to be careful what I tell her because she is threatening me with running to an attorney and I have the voicemails of how she acted . But would a lawyer really listen to her and take her case if I go no contact with her? And I worry she will fill my dads mind with complete nonsense and they run to a lawyer
I am completely burned out of my mother. I can't take anymore of her behavior. My dad ended up in the hospital because of a bad infection in his abdomen. Thank goodness he is stable and doing better. My mom is freaking out and I keep telling her to calm down. She acts ok one minute and the next she is acting like everyone is her fault and especially me that I don't care about her. I take my time out helping my folks out whenever they need me. I am 42
Years old and have my own life. I still
Want to have a family of my own. And she tends to be narcissistic once in a while. Many people have seen it
. I was supposed to do a few errands for my mom
Last weekend. Her attitude really got on my nerves that I just got in my car and went home. She then kept calling my cell phone leaving me voicemails calling me bad names and that she was going to ban me from seeing my father at the hospital . I finally picked up the phone on Saturday and she started again . I told her to calm down and cool off. That I
Would help
Her and it was like talking to the wall. Then she had an outburst crying that she was going to commit suicide and I got scared. I immediately called 911 and said what was happening and the police came over
To the house and calmed her down. And then I explained to
The police how she was behaving
. I spoke with her later on in the day and she started again and I told her about the voicemails she left me and that if she didn't stop acting that I would
Play the voicemails for people she knows and they will think differently of her. Then she goes about saying that she will find an attorney to go after me for blackmailing her reputation with the voicemails if I play them to role she knows. Can she really do
That and win? One thing I have is that I called 911!and the police came because she wanted to attempt
Suicide? Please let m e know where I stand with this
My own mother had an extreme case of narcissistic personality disorder. She made life hell for anyone who came near her, especially me and my Dad. She was so awful that my Dad started drinking just to block out her nasty tirades. Family friends were always telling me that they'd drink too if they had to live with her. One time she actually attacked and elderly neighbor who was just trying to give her some Christmas cookies. The cops got called and they came and told my mom she needed to chill out, but of course she never did. I've spent I don't know how many hours talking to therapists and trying to undo the wreckage my mother made of my childhood. Time after time I was told that I should just "divorce" my mom, but I'd been given the role of caretaker from the age of six or so on. and I felt it was wrong to just walk away from her. I wish I would have because long story short after I acquired a brain injury, she threw me out of the duplex I rented from her and put me out on the streets. That duplex had actually belonged to my Dad, but as soon as he passed, she grabbed it up in defiance of the courts. She was awful, awful, awful. How I wish I'd followed my therapists' advise, but hindsight is always 20-20.
In your case, I realize how hard it would be to walk away from your mother without also losing touch with your dad. I will say that when a narcissist threatens suicide, they are not crying out for help, they are trying to control you and force you to do whatever it is that they want you to do. I had that number pulled on me, too. It was extremely controlling. Ignore her suicide threats - the last thing a narcissist would do is to kill themselves. They would kill you first, believe me. Delete her e-mails unread and the same thing goes with her voice mails. You will never ever be make her happy or please her. A narcissist's world is all about them and everything else - even their own children - are just tools to be manipulated for the narcissist's own benefit. I suggest talking with a therapist so you can get some support and also back away far enough emotionally to see the big picture. You have my deepest sympathy. Please get professional help for yourself.
My own mother had an extreme case of narcissistic personality disorder. She made life hell for anyone who came near her, especially me and my Dad. She was so awful that my Dad started drinking just to block out her nasty tirades. Family friends were always telling me that they'd drink too if they had to live with her. One time she actually attacked and elderly neighbor who was just trying to give her some Christmas cookies. The cops got called and they came and told my mom she needed to chill out, but of course she never did. I've spent I don't know how many hours talking to therapists and trying to undo the wreckage my mother made of my childhood. Time after time I was told that I should just "divorce" my mom, but I'd been given the role of caretaker from the age of six or so on. and I felt it was wrong to just walk away from her. I wish I would have because long story short after I acquired a brain injury, she threw me out of the duplex I rented from her and put me out on the streets. That duplex had actually belonged to my Dad, but as soon as he passed, she grabbed it up in defiance of the courts. She was awful, awful, awful. How I wish I'd followed my therapists' advise, but hindsight is always 20-20.
In your case, I realize how hard it would be to walk away from your mother without also losing touch with your dad. I will say that when a narcissist threatens suicide, they are not crying out for help, they are trying to control you and force you to do whatever it is that they want you to do. I had that number pulled on me, too. It was extremely controlling. Ignore her suicide threats - the last thing a narcissist would do is to kill themselves. They would kill you first, believe me. Delete her e-mails unread and the same thing goes with her voice mails. You will never ever be make her happy or please her. A narcissist's world is all about them and everything else - even their own children - are just tools to be manipulated for the narcissist's own benefit. I suggest talking with a therapist so you can get some support and also back away far enough emotionally to see the big picture. You have my deepest sympathy. Please get professional help for yourself.
I thank you. You don't know how much I cried from trying to tell her that all I do is trying to help them when they need it . But it is like talking to the wall with her. She really protects herself as to saying she feels that she didn't do anything wrong. I tell her that she and I should go speak to a social worker and she gets extremely upset when I tell her that? I do what can to be nice to her but all she's knows is to say if ifi keep insulting her which I am not nor I ever would do is that she will talk to an attorney
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