I'm getting used to having no friends (girlfriend, husband, female)
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It's interesting....my husband and I have lived here in our new city for a year and a half now. We moved here knowing no one.
At first, I was incredibly lonely, for the first year or so. I yearned to make some girlfriends. I went out all the time, joining groups, going to social events, etc. I put so much effort into making friends, and none of it panned out.
Now, for some odd reason, I don't feel that way anymore. I'm not sure if it's because I'm tired of all the rejection and the hard work I've put into making friendships just hasn't panned out at all. I've had some really odd experiences with female friends here. One of them dropped me for no good reason after several months of hanging out and wouldn't return my phone calls (I still have absolutely no idea what happened). Others I've gone out with a few times and we seem to have a great time and then I never hear from them again.
I haven't stopped joining groups and going to activities and events, but when we do my husband and I don't put the effort into mingling and instead just focus on the activity. Of course, we don't meet anyone that way, but at the same time we don't face the painful rejection we've faced so many times since moving here, when our interest/invitations to others were never reciprocated.
Anyhow, I have reached the point where I'm no longer lonely--not because I have friends but just because I've gotten fed up with how hard it is to make friends and for some reason I don't feel that pang of lonliness that I used to.
Here are some reasons why sometimes it's better to have no friends:
1) You don't have to compromise on doing what you want to do. If you're going out with a friend, you have to compromise on where you're going to eat, what you're going to do, etc. If you go out alone, you don't have to do that.
2) You don't have to deal with other people's drama. When you have no friends, you don't have to listen to other people whining about their lack of dates, etc. And you don't have to sit there wondering what you did when they unexpectedly drop you for no good reason.
3) You don't have to feel guilty for saying no to events you don't want to go to. If you don't have any friends, you don't have to feel guilty for saying no to their party invitation, etc.
Doglover29, where did you move to? I think you are focusing on the 'silver lining,' which is a good attitude, but I sense sadness between the lines.
It is difficult to try that hard and not have it work out. Did you move to a cliquey area or something?
We're in DC.
Sure, I'm sad, because I would love to have at least one good friend, but at the same time I'm fed up and for some reason don't feel that pangs of lonliness anymore. That doesn't mean I wouldn't love to have a friend, it's just that I don't have the motivation I did before to make one. And no one's beating down my door to make plans with me.
I don't know if I'd say DC is cliquey, but when you move somewhere not knowing a single person, it's hard to get a foot in the door friend-wise. My husband hasn't had any luck either, and we've both been dismayed by the fact that no one at work ever laid out the welcome mat either (even a small welcome mat would have been nice, i.e. an invitation for lunch or coffee at least once).
I think just like with love, it could be that as soon as you stop trying, something comes your way.....
See, I really disagree with this statement. I think people who have that as their philosophical view take a passive approach to relationships. Personally, I think that when you go out looking for something (a relationship, a job, etc.) and you know what you want and you're working actively to get it, is when you find the best and most satisfying matches. At least it worked for me that way. I met my husband through online dating, and I had the mindset going into online dating that I was ready for a serious relationship and I knew exactly what I was looking for in a potential partner.
And I never had a satisfying job that I didn't actively work for--i.e. informational interviewing, networking, etc. The same way that you approach the job search, by actively looking and networking, etc. is the same way, in my opinion, that one should approach the search for a life partner and the search for friends. Otherwise, if you sit back and do nothing (as I'm doing now), it's less likely that you'll find what you're looking for.
Sure, I'm sad, because I would love to have at least one good friend, but at the same time I'm fed up and for some reason don't feel that pangs of lonliness anymore. That doesn't mean I wouldn't love to have a friend, it's just that I don't have the motivation I did before to make one. And no one's beating down my door to make plans with me.
I don't know if I'd say DC is cliquey, but when you move somewhere not knowing a single person, it's hard to get a foot in the door friend-wise. My husband hasn't had any luck either, and we've both been dismayed by the fact that no one at work ever laid out the welcome mat either (even a small welcome mat would have been nice, i.e. an invitation for lunch or coffee at least once).
Although I don't live near by, I'll be your friend. I'm a good listener. Here's another plus, I love dogs!
Oh I'm sorry to hear that. Relocating is difficult, but at least you have someone with you (your husband). It sucked for me years ago when I moved all by myself to a strange town. I think my loneliness though may have become a bit of a vicious cycle though - the more lonely I felt the more I isolated myself so try not to do that! And Good Luck!
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