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Anyhow, I have reached the point where I'm no longer lonely--not because I have friends but just because I've gotten fed up with how hard it is to make friends and for some reason I don't feel that pang of lonliness that I used to.
I think it does still hurt you (as I gathered from your other threads). You wouldn't need to reach out about it and say you're no longer lonely if it didn't hurt you. I'm telling you girl, keep your head up and stay positive because good things will indeed come.
It's interesting....my husband and I have lived here in our new city for a year and a half now. We moved here knowing no one.
At first, I was incredibly lonely, for the first year or so. I yearned to make some girlfriends. I went out all the time, joining groups, going to social events, etc. I put so much effort into making friends, and none of it panned out.
Now, for some odd reason, I don't feel that way anymore. I'm not sure if it's because I'm tired of all the rejection and the hard work I've put into making friendships just hasn't panned out at all. I've had some really odd experiences with female friends here. One of them dropped me for no good reason after several months of hanging out and wouldn't return my phone calls (I still have absolutely no idea what happened). Others I've gone out with a few times and we seem to have a great time and then I never hear from them again.
I haven't stopped joining groups and going to activities and events, but when we do my husband and I don't put the effort into mingling and instead just focus on the activity. Of course, we don't meet anyone that way, but at the same time we don't face the painful rejection we've faced so many times since moving here, when our interest/invitations to others were never reciprocated.
Anyhow, I have reached the point where I'm no longer lonely--not because I have friends but just because I've gotten fed up with how hard it is to make friends and for some reason I don't feel that pang of lonliness that I used to.
Here are some reasons why sometimes it's better to have no friends:
1) You don't have to compromise on doing what you want to do. If you're going out with a friend, you have to compromise on where you're going to eat, what you're going to do, etc. If you go out alone, you don't have to do that.
2) You don't have to deal with other people's drama. When you have no friends, you don't have to listen to other people whining about their lack of dates, etc. And you don't have to sit there wondering what you did when they unexpectedly drop you for no good reason.
3) You don't have to feel guilty for saying no to events you don't want to go to. If you don't have any friends, you don't have to feel guilty for saying no to their party invitation, etc.
So, it's all good then, right? This seems like a pretty good deal to me.
I have friends - but I rarely see them. And its not because I moved 40 minutes away, I didn't see them much when I was 5 minutes away.
I'm not the greatest friend. I don't call, I don't email large groups of friends, I don't organize big nights out. My gf, she's the social one. I'm perfectly content to stay at home, watch some tv with her, and then go to bed. I would rather work on my house, mow my lawn, etc, than be bothered with leaving to go out and grab a drink when I have perfectly good beers at home. I don't want to go to a restaurant when I can order food (since my cooking is horrible). I don't feel like going to clubs or bars because I mostly went there to meet girls, and I already have a great one.
My gf, she is on the phone every day, text messages go around constantly, she struggles to make time for everyone. I call and say "Hey, I'm having a barbecue" once or twice a year. *shrug* Just wired differently I guess.
Well, wow, it looks like Doglover and I are on the same chapter of our lives...friendless and fine with it. I have agreed with her on other threads about how fruitless and disappointing trying to make friends has been for me/us too. I have given up. I have finally concluded that it is not worth it. I am not going to focus on it anymore because frankly, it is tiring. I always have to do all the work, and don't get much in return for it, don't get calls for invitations, am not part of the group that has just gone out to dinner together. I have always been okay with going to lunch alone...And, don't take me wrong, I am not alone, I married my best friend and he is the best I could ask for. For now, I am happy to be happy at home and if a "friend" calls and wants to get together, fine, but if she does not, fine too.
I am going to take a different tack to this thread. I think you need to find your inner passion. Find the thing that makes you happy and complete. Once you find it, be it art, gardening, cooking whatever everything else is going to fall into place. Friends are great but are they going to complete you? Are they going to fill that void that is missing? Judging by some of your other threads, you are looking for something and aren't finding it.
For me it is gardening, I am completely myself and content when I have my hands in the dirt planting and nurturing my garden into something beautiful. I have just recently discovered that I am a homebody. I am at my best when I am puttering around the house, baking, gardening etc... Putting myself out there isn't what I am good at and I have accepted it and you know what I am happy, content.. We just recently joined a church and now I am meeting people that I think will become good friends. I think that because I have found my inner peace things are starting to fall into place. For me I realized that where I live isn't why I am not making friends, its my inner happiness that was affecting my ability to find friends. I think people can tell when someone isn't happy with who they are and they avoid them like the plague because they don't want to deal with the drama.
Okay, hmmm...something to think about...I am fine being at home, it's clean, it's cool, can be here on C-D, I like the satisfaction of a wonderful looking lawn after I have mowed it then trimmed the bushes, but you know w/2 kiddos, they can do that for a day or two then they go nuts....so we go out...when my hubby goes out of town, I miss the adult interaction that one can get w/a friend but what I do not miss is the "I'll call you later" and it does not happen so that is why I will not be doing much in trying to make friends anymore....
I've always been the one to have several close friends. I don't have the patience for acquaintances, or fair weather friends. I love to go out and "be social", but I keep people at arm's length until they prove to me that they're someone that I can rely on.
My bf, on the other hand, takes things a heck of a lot more personally than I do when it comes to this. While I'm happy that in the two years I've been going up to see him, I've developed one very strong friendship, he's upset because his "fair weather friends" have disappointed him time and time again. A lot of times, I think that he simply tries too hard and expects WAY more of people than he should. Being the person that he is, that just sets him up for disappointment.
I will second the suggestion of movingtohouston, about finding what you're passionate about. What about taking a night class, either with or without your husband? Even in my backwoods city, there are some terrific offerings, so I'd imagine that you'd find something that you are interested in in DC. Even if you don't specifically "meet people" there that you wish to develop relationships with, at least you're out there, enriching yourself and maybe finding another thing that you're passionate about.
I'm kind of in the same boat... we moved out here in July not knowing anyone. I work from home, so my chances of meeting new people are slim to none. I've started volunteering for a couple different places and I've taken a couple classes at a local art co-op just to get me out of the house.
I'm still in contact with my good friends back in Maryland, but it would be nice to just go out to lunch, grab some coffee or go window shopping with someone other than my husband.
I too would be your friend if I lived closer. Anyone who loves dogs has got to be worth knowing.
I have several close friends that I don't seem to keep in touch with anymore. They got married, had kids, moved away, etc. Most people my age are knee-deep in the "raising the family" mode. I'm far from that. Don't have a husband (don't necessarily want one either), don't have kids (definitely don't want those) and I love spending time with my dog. I visit family members and go to family functions, but I'm really not that social anymore. Sometimes I go to parties or bbq's and wonder, "why did I come here?" Most of the time I regret going because I just don't fit in with the people around me. I used to be the friend who would always call and chat, the one who would call to offer an invitation to a night out, or the friend to offer to help out another friend. I felt as though I was always bothering the person I'd called, or they were too busy to talk to me so I just stopped calling.
There are days I like my life just the way it is, but there are also days when it would be fun to look forward to an event/party with friends.
I have friends but not many that I get together with for lunch, shopping ect.... I'm quiet and shy so I guess I tend to like my alone time without distractions. I'm pretty sure I have social anixety because I hate being around big groups of people like I feel totally uncomfortable at a party or hanging out with a big group of people- I feel overwhelmed and unease in those situations I just want to go hide and me being quiet and shy certainly doesn't help. Like yesterday I had to go to the DMV and it literally drove me crazy to have to sit there for 30 mins and wait for my number to be called- there were so many people there and the whole number calling thing drove me crazy as well- I wanted to just get up, run out of there and go throw up.
Sometimes friends will call me and I am able to answer my phone at the time but I don't or they will leave me a message and I will take forever to call them back or never even return their call at all. I don't mean to be a bad friend- I care about people. I just like to avoid everything I guess.
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