Too many surprise guests to family Thanksgiving (husband, member, children)
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This is on you. Make arrangements to extend your visit by going a day early to have personal time with only your parents. Or make more visits throughout the year. .
I think it would be wonderful if the world revolved around me and all of my whims, but unfortunately, that's not the way the world works. I do understand where you're coming from and yes, there are many families that prefer to stay inside the confines of their clan for the holiday.
Then there are others who are kind and giving and would rather see someone with a nice meal one day out of the year who have no one else or no where else to go. Even rectums deserve to have that one meal that lasts only a few precious hours one day out of the year. Yep, homeless people, addicts and rest as well. Those few precious hours and one meal. That's all it is. You have all of the rest of the year to be with your family and talk about whatever you want to talk about.
As others have written, if your parents don't care, let it go or just don't go. For me, though, I don't think that Thanksgiving is just for family. My parents are always glad to welcome friends who have nowhere else to go on that day.
It's not your role to determine guests as you are not the host of the dinner. If you want to change it, offer to have Thanksgiving at your home and draw up your guest list, and make it family only. If your parents are happy to have others, then you have the choice to go or not to go, but not the right to demand that they acquiesce to your demands to exclude others from their guest list. Parents or not, you are also a guest at the meal, so you cannot overstep your role simply because you don't want to associate with people outside your family.
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I think it would be wonderful if the world revolved around me and all of my whims, but unfortunately, that's not the way the world works. I do understand where you're coming from and yes, there are many families that prefer to stay inside the confines of their clan for the holiday.
Then there are others who are kind and giving and would rather see someone with a nice meal one day out of the year who have no one else or no where else to go. Even rectums deserve to have that one meal that lasts only a few precious hours one day out of the year. Yep, homeless people, addicts and rest as well. Those few precious hours and one meal. That's all it is. You have all of the rest of the year to be with your family and talk about whatever you want to talk about.
This thread kind of reminds me of the one from the guy who was upset that when he went to his 80 year old dad's house that dad didn't keep him entertained and take him out to dinner.
I told my wife that I loath going to Thanksgiving at my parents the last few years because one of my sibling has a habit of inviting people with various backgrounds to our family dinner.
One of my siblings close friend has been single for all her life and always brings along a different guy or more people along each year. I always felt she's the freeloading types and never comes over unless there's something in it for her. She's been through a rainbow of different types of guys and each year the selection has been getting worse imo. That's not me to judge but for my family dinner it is special since I don't see my parents for more than 3x a year I hate having my dinner with guests that don't intertwine well with our family and causes friction because I can't openly talk family or personal issues when there are guests around.
The reason I don't invite a friend to Thanksgiving dinner because I believe it should be exclusive to relatives only and I'm already having a tug-o-war with both side of my families and there are plenty of relatives that I haven't seen for awhile that I should spend time with than other people.
My wife has told me to just bear with it instead of speaking out against it, my parents are very laid back so they don't really care it. But after so many years I am ready to just tell my parents that I will do a belated dinner with them.
Anyone else in my shoes?
I haven't had that happen personally; my father's a cranky and intolerant old man who would definitely not welcome questionable types into the house. I think he only tolerates my argumentative wife because she's married to me and is the mom of one of his grandkids.
If I were in your shoes, I guess I'd skip that event, and just plan a different time to enjoy a more intimate dinner with them -- Christmas, Easter, Chanukah, July 4, etc.
You can always come up with a reasonable explanation -- too expensive to travel, I just don't like big crowds, a friend invited us, we'll be seeing them anyway in a month, etc.
I guess the other thing is to communicate your displeasure to your sibling who insists on bringing this person and her boyfriend-du-jour.
I'm going to offer my opinion which is somewhat in line with the OP's. Somewhat.
First: our families (mine and my wife's) tend strongly to be open with invites, and generally welcome family and friends to holiday events warmly. We all think it sort of adds to the festive atmosphere and, truth be told, provides additional separate social opportunities...like when you've had enough of old Aunt Bea, you can go chat with someone else for 10 minutes. And so on.
But. General rules of decorum apply.
There is one person, for instance, who I don't welcome to my Thanksgiving table anymore. Drinks too much, brought her huge dog one year unannounced, brought her "boyfriend" one year unannounced, and talks a little too openly about her job which, and I know this is unusual, is on the fringes of the sex industry. A lot of people were uncomfortable and I think the comfort of the other 12-16 guests matters more.
We travel cross-country for Christmas (so we don't see all of our folks much) and at the open house one Christmas Eve (a tradition) one guest who was a casual friend of a sibling came which was great. He stayed late which was fine. Didn't help clean up...ummmmm, ok. And then he stayed after we were all in pajamas and curling up ready for bed. He had family and a place to go so it wasn't that. So while we enjoyed his company overall, he WAY overstayed his welcome.
But, as I say, for the most part the more the merrier!
I told my wife that I loath going to Thanksgiving at my parents the last few years because one of my sibling has a habit of inviting people with various backgrounds to our family dinner.
One of my siblings close friend has been single for all her life and always brings along a different guy or more people along each year. I always felt she's the freeloading types and never comes over unless there's something in it for her. She's been through a rainbow of different types of guys and each year the selection has been getting worse imo. That's not me to judge but for my family dinner it is special since I don't see my parents for more than 3x a year I hate having my dinner with guests that don't intertwine well with our family and causes friction because I can't openly talk family or personal issues when there are guests around.
The reason I don't invite a friend to Thanksgiving dinner because I believe it should be exclusive to relatives only and I'm already having a tug-o-war with both side of my families and there are plenty of relatives that I haven't seen for awhile that I should spend time with than other people.
My wife has told me to just bear with it instead of speaking out against it, my parents are very laid back so they don't really care it. But after so many years I am ready to just tell my parents that I will do a belated dinner with them.
Anyone else in my shoes?
Wait, you aren't hosting and you think you should have a say in rules for the guest list? Why?
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