Excusing yourself from others (female, male, drifting, messages)
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Yes, and this didn't happen to the OP. No one was rude, they were mingling, and he lost their attention he craved so much. Remember, he went out that night to fill his OWN needs (read the first post again). When he wasn't being ego-fed and entertained, he bailed.
Yes. IF YOU THANK THE PERSON WHO INVITED YOU AND SAY GOODBYE POLITELY.
Many social gathering are not organized by a single host, but develop out of a consensus (many work parties/gatherings or parties of mixed singles and couples are like this). Sometimes the gathering is in a crowded or neutral space such as a bar, park, or other public venue. Often times there are literally dozens of people, many of unknown acquintance, in attendance and it might be presumptuous to assume that your individual departure requires interuption of the gathering.
All of these are candidates for an Irish Goodbye.
On the other hand, a small, intimate gathering, a party where the host has undertaken a great deal of work to cook, have catered food, provide wine, etc., a wedding, funeral, or other formal occasion, etc.
These types of situations beg for a more formal, announced departure to the host if not every attendee.
Yes, and this didn't happen to the OP. No one was rude, they were mingling, and he lost their attention he craved so much. Remember, he went out that night to fill his OWN needs (read the first post again). When he wasn't being ego-fed and entertained, he bailed.
Yes. IF YOU THANK THE PERSON WHO INVITED YOU AND SAY GOODBYE POLITELY.
It's not a matter of feeding anyone's ego, FYI, it's a matter of speaking your part, and gracefully bowing out. Where the devil do you come off with saying that I have an ego issue? Nobody needs to entertain me; I can find my own entertainment, thank you.
It's not a matter of feeding anyone's ego, FYI, it's a matter of speaking your part, and gracefully bowing out. Where the devil do you come off with saying that I have an ego issue? Nobody needs to entertain me; I can find my own entertainment, thank you.
But you didn't gracefully bow out. In order to do that you say "I'm going to take off, I need to get home", or you say you're not feeling well, dog needs to be taken out for a walk, have to call an elderly aunt in another state, etc.
You don't leave and than get even huffier when no one calls/texts to see why you left.
That's behavior you expect from a teenage girl, not a middle age man.
Do you bother to ask any of these people about themselves? Not just "how are you?", do you try and engage them in conversation?
Also, there is nothing wrong with just doing things on your own. Go to a movie, go for a walk or a drive, you might meet people along the way.
Couple of books you might try reading "How To Be Your Own Best Friend", and "How To Talk To Anyone About Anything". Perhaps you need to improve on your communication skills.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
So why did you go out in the first place? And why didn't you say goodbye?
Yes, and this didn't happen to the OP. No one was rude, they were mingling, and he lost their attention he craved so much. Remember, he went out that night to fill his OWN needs (read the first post again). When he wasn't being ego-fed and entertained, he bailed.
But---they WERE rude (not the rudest behavior ever in the course of human interaction, but not inclusive and friendly) if they weren't including him in the group conversation. If there were eight other people, it is still possible that all eight were mingling...among each other and acting as if OP were invisible, for whatever reason. We don't know whether OP's energy was just waning and he was giving off vibes of not being interested or if it was even more egregious body language showing he was bored or unhappy. Still rude on the other people's parts. When adults agree to get together, then part of that social commitment is being courteous to everyone there. Otherwise it's no different than a clique of junior high school mean girls!
And yeah, you hit it on the head that he went out that night to fill his OWN needs. But isn't that what most of us do when we go out to socialize (with the exception of when we do it because of a work or family obligation, etc.)? I don't see anything wrong with that. I was organizing groups where I got a group of virtual strangers together for concerts and dinners. When the event was over, I was drained (I'm an introvert, it can be difficult to meet strangers, and there were many frustrations, like people who complained a lot) but would always remark to my husband that at least I provided some entertainment to the people who attended and gave them some dining companions (most were single people who would have been eating yet another meal alone). I tried to focus on this and let it be enough to compensate for the drain on my time and energy....but eventually I became more honest with myself. I realized I was attempting to fill other people's needs instead of my own, and that doesn't work. It leads to burnout. As they say on airplanes, you have to make sure you have on your oxygen mask before you can attend to the needs of others. So yes, I would expect that any time someone goes out to socialize, they are attempting to fulfill his or her own needs, whether it's looking for potential romantic material or just avoiding a night home alone or trying to make a new friend.
OP, you need to help us out here. Some people think that you went over to someone's house and then left without saying goodbye to your host. I'm thinking it was more at a bar or restaurant or park, etc. It does make a difference whether you just ghosted from a group of people who couldn't care less if you remained or whether you left without thanking the host for the hospitality that was offered.
Yes, it was at a bar/restaurant.
I found out this evening what really went down: turns out one of the people there was pissed that I was there. This one guy, who had seen me there before, asked someone "Who's that guy?" indicating me; the other person said, "Oh, that's Rick, he's a friend of ours, he's a good guy." Well, the hump told the other person, "Well, I don't like him!" Mind you, we don't even know each other. Apparently, the hump did what he could to try and turn the others against me. They came back and apologized. My first instinct was to put the douchebag in his place; but why waste my energy?
Understood, not everyone will like me - and I don't care! But don't try sneaky **** against me, or you'll have hell to pay. We stay away from each other, and everybody's happy.
OP- you handled it in your own way. Remember that the posters here are using hindsight to gage from, None were there to understand entirely the atmosphere.
I tend to follow up with friends if they leave "quietly" so to speak. Its my way to show I care.
I think sometimes its best to walk softly and go gently on your way.
Yes, it was at a bar/restaurant.
I found out this evening what really went down: turns out one of the people there was pissed that I was there. This one guy, who had seen me there before, asked someone "Who's that guy?" indicating me; the other person said, "Oh, that's Rick, he's a friend of ours, he's a good guy." Well, the hump told the other person, "Well, I don't like him!" Mind you, we don't even know each other. Apparently, the hump did what he could to try and turn the others against me. They came back and apologized. My first instinct was to put the douchebag in his place; but why waste my energy?
Understood, not everyone will like me - and I don't care! But don't try sneaky **** against me, or you'll have hell to pay. We stay away from each other, and everybody's happy.
You were right all along then.
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