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Although I can understand they don't want the child to feel left out, I honestly hate someone else directing me to buy a gift for someone. I think it's tacky and rude. It should be up to an individual to decide if and who she wants to purchase gifts for.
It's no wonder people go broke around the holidays. There is so much pressure to buy gifts for everyone, not exclude anyone, make sure everyone gets something equal, etc. etc. etc.
And this is EXACTLY my husbands point! Let everyone know your BF is bringing his son and leave it up to us if we give or not. My husband was probably bothered by this the most. You don't TELL someone to give a gift to someone else! This also happened to us early into our marriage. My husbands mother remarried and her new husband had kids. She would TELL us to give them presents for their birthdays and Christmas.
Also, where do you draw the line on gifts? I can't afford to buy for every single person I know. I agree this child would feel left out and a little something for him won't kill me, but really...where does the giving stop??
I would spend $10 on him, just so he has stuff to open and doesn't feel too out of place. I agree though that it's rude for them to ask you to buy, especially since they don't buy gifts for your daughter. I also understand the financial stress of feeling obligated to buy and buy and buy and then buy some more.
And this is EXACTLY my husbands point! Let everyone know your BF is bringing his son and leave it up to us if we give or not. My husband was probably bothered by this the most. You don't TELL someone to give a gift to someone else!
Would it be better if your SIL had said "Hey if we're doing a gift exchange for the kids, can we please include all kids or we don't need to do a gift exchange".
Quote:
Originally Posted by CGab
Also, where do you draw the line on gifts? I can't afford to buy for every single person I know. I agree this child would feel left out and a little something for him won't kill me, but really...where does the giving stop??
I'd draw the line at kids and not excluding them. If all I can afford is $40 then I'd split the money so I'm not excluding anyone or I wouldn't do gifts at all. Or if I couldn't resist buying one of the kids a gift I'd try to find some time other than to give then gift when I wouldn't be obviously excluding one kid.
But then why are you have a gift-giving event at your house, if you think the gift giving is out of control? Makes no sense.
Next year, make it a "no gifts" get together. My family started doing that at one point. The focus is on food, making egg nog from scratch (spiked for the adults), making a gingerbread house, listening to Christmas music, putting on a favorite Christmas movie. Christmas doesn't require gifts in the form of a wrapped present. The gift is the event.
Is everyone giving gifts to the kids, or just you and your husband, since you're hosting the event? Everyone should bring gifts for all the kids, I should think. Is that why your husband asked the bf previously what he was getting for your daughter? I'm not sure I understand why your husband asked that.
The SIL called and "instructed" you guys to give a gift..under normal circumstances, a person wouldn't have to do that. Everyone would know that of course all kids would be included. But in this case, the SIL knew that it could not be assumed. She may have also been trying to find out if you were planning on not getting him a gift, so she could arrange for the boy not to go.
Ah, Christmas. I agree that the gift thing has gotten out of control. The kids get to where they expect gifts everywhere they go. They're getting greedy...and there's peer pressure. Not so different from us adults, huh? But my fondest memories of childhood Christmases are the egg nog, trimming the tree, the decorations, the food, listening to Christmas music and watching Christmas movies as a family. Although I do remember a few Christmas gifts that stayed with me.
The get-together is not at my house it's at my mother in-laws. The only people who get gifts are my MIL and her husband and the kids; however, it was just brought to our attention today that my SIL would be bringing her BF and his son to our family get -together this Saturday. The kids get gifts from their grandmother and their aunts and uncles. The only reason why the boy will be there is because it's his fathers weekend to have him. AGAIN, I don't have an issue getting him something little, just wondering what others thought about it. My SIL didn't ask just us to buy for him, she asked her mother (my MIL) and two other siblings.
Frankly, I would have included the kid without being asked. The fact the sister asked and your hubby said no makes me think very poorly of him.
Once my ex was like, "Why are you getting so-and-so something if they didn't get you anything?" I found that foul and not befitting of a truly caring generous spirit.
If gift giving is reduced to gift exchanging, why don't we just pass around the same $50 bill back and forth? Then everyone can be happy and much less work.
And this is EXACTLY my husbands point! Let everyone know your BF is bringing his son and leave it up to us if we give or not. My husband was probably bothered by this the most. You don't TELL someone to give a gift to someone else! ??
They probably knew him and his attitude up front. Also, it's called communication. The fact that he's reacting like this tells a lot.
They probably knew him and his attitude up front. Also, it's called communication. The fact that he's reacting like this tells a lot.
This is a FAMILY Christmas function so no one knew he was coming because he never has before. My SIL sent a txt out to ALL her siblings and my MIL today informing us that her boyfriend and her son where coming this Saturday and to bring a gift for her BF's son. Not, if you could or if you would like to, but to bring one. I have a child only a year younger so I already figured I would need to go buy him something as I wouldn't want him to not feel included. My husband didn't like how his sister went about it.
The get-together is not at my house it's at my mother in-laws. The only people who get gifts are my MIL and her husband and the kids; however, it was just brought to our attention today that my SIL would be bringing her BF and his son to our family get -together this Saturday. The kids get gifts from their grandmother and their aunts and uncles. The only reason why the boy will be there is because it's his fathers weekend to have him. AGAIN, I don't have an issue getting him something little, just wondering what others thought about it. My SIL didn't ask just us to buy for him, she asked her mother (my MIL) and two other siblings.
Oh, I see. It was a last minute thing. Under those circumstances, it's not good etiquette for her to have expected gifts for the boy. She should have explained to the boy the unique circumstances, that there wouldn't be time for gifts for him. Or she should have not invited them last minute, maybe. If I were in her place, I probably would not have invited the bf and his son, or I the SIL would have cancelled attendance and done something with the bf and his son.
So...when your husband asked the bf what he was getting your daughter for Christmas, it was just in general, as a general Christmas gift, and not for this party? That was an odd thing to ask. Seems as if there's a grudge there already between those two.
I would just get the kid a gift card and leave it at that. It's not fair to you, but there's a child involved, and he's not responsible. Then I would hope the SIL gets a new bf. You're already married to yours, so that's a done deal. But you're the better half, clearly...so you have to save him from himself, as I said previously.
Why not just give the MIL and husband a gift and later hand out the ones for the children. Or give the gifts to the parents to give out later.
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