Anyone else have an "intelligence gap" in their family?? (father, gatherings)
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I understand the accusations that the original poster is a snob, and that may possibly be the case, but on the other hand it's also true that in a broad sense, educated, well-read people inhabit a different mental world than most people with only a high-school education. There is a certain comfort zone in conversing with one's own kind, and that applies equally in both directions. I have numerous cousins; some are highly educated while others didn't even finish high school. I find I get along well with most of them, but I also find that some of the ones whose personalities rub me the wrong way are, like me, highly educated. So there is more to compatability that educational and knowledgeability levels.
Certain topics may be sort of "off-limits" with the poorly educated cousins, especially if I wish to avoid sounding pretentious and thus irritating them, such as (by way of example, not limitation):
Classical music such as opera
Serious literature
History
Geopolitics
Legal theory
But I find that still leaves room for engagement with all my cousins, whom I've known since childhood. (I am now 72). If I were seeing them on a weekly basis, perhaps the compatibility issues would be more serious as we would run out of catching up and news of other relatives.
Maybe the OP needs to ditch his or her sense of superiority, even though he or she is indeed superior to his or her family in one important area, because educational level is only one measure of achievement as a human being and lots of highly educated people come up short in other important areas. After all, Goebbels, who was Hitler's propoganda chief, had a doctorate in comparative literature.
I work in the vicinity of a lot of celebrities, and almost without fail, it's the B- and C-list ones that crow about how special they are and the ones who expect special treatment. The A-listers almost always carry themselves with far more class and humility.
Wannabe wealthy people are, in my experience, far more likely to flaunt the trappings of wealth than are actual wealthy people.
People are giving OP a hard time, but I get what you mean. I have relatives and friends who are totally uninterested in anything except what they ate for lunch and what they're having for dinner. They might be interested in gossip about somebody else's business, but if I try to talk about current events, for example, I lose them.
The thing is though, I think I have a lot of Social Intellegence, which is what OP could work on. It is probably more important than one's IQ. I can talk to my sister n law, who barely knows who just ran for President, about her flower garden, or the Brangelina break up. I can talk to a friend about her dogs, and new recipes. I can talk politics, or ailments, or types of wine or bourbon....you get it. My husband says I could spend awhile with a bunch of hookers, or sit next to Queen Elizabeth at dinner, and be able to have a good talk either way. It's a valuable skill.
OP might be the smartest person in the room, but it wouldn't hurt to learn about what others are interested in. You might learn something.
People are giving OP a hard time, but I get what you mean. I have relatives and friends who are totally uninterested in anything except what they ate for lunch and what they're having for dinner. They might be interested in gossip about somebody else's business, but if I try to talk about current events, for example, I lose them.
The thing is though, I think I have a lot of Social Intellegence, which is what OP could work on. It is probably more important than one's IQ. I can talk to my sister n law, who barely knows who just ran for President, about her flower garden, or the Brangelina break up. I can talk to a friend about her dogs, and new recipes. I can talk politics, or ailments, or types of wine or bourbon....you get it. My husband says I could spend awhile with a bunch of hookers, or sit next to Queen Elizabeth at dinner, and be able to have a good talk either way. It's a valuable skill.
OP might be the smartest person in the room, but it wouldn't hurt to learn about what others are interested in. You might learn something.
I'd say one of the top 3 skills one can have to navigate life successfully.
I work in the vicinity of a lot of celebrities, and almost without fail, it's the B- and C-list ones that crow about how special they are and the ones who expect special treatment. The A-listers almost always carry themselves with far more class and humility.
Wannabe wealthy people are, in my experience, far more likely to flaunt the trappings of wealth than are actual wealthy people.
Draw your won conclusions.
This is so true. Last month, I had the privilege of spending several hours with a Hollywood A-Lister while shooting a documentary. You'd know him. This guy is an icon.
We were filming on his property. Now this guy has earned the right to be a prima donna. Instead, he was a complete professional, showing up with his wife at the appointed time. He sat patiently in the chair for fifteen minutes while we tweaked lights and did our sound check, and then tattooed his part in twenty minutes. Heck, his wife even strolled over to ask if we were hungry, and how she'd be happy to drive back over to their house and make us sandwiches.
When we wrapped, I expected him to get up, thank us, and leave. Instead, he hung out with us for twenty minutes more while we packed our gear. Then the two of them invited us over to their house for coffee. So there we were in this guy's kitchen for two freaking hours, drinking coffee and shooting the breeze about everything. College football, the Civil War, barbecue, you name it. Very little about movies. Finally, he led me to his library and showed me some of his mementos. And then let me hold his Oscar.
We finally excused ourselves to leave because of our long drive home, but he kept talking to us in the driveway and waved goodbye. As we pulled out, the sound guy said, "You know. If there had been a football game on, I bet he would have ordered pizzas and asked us to hang out and watch with him." He was that down to earth.
So the point of all this is to say that pretty much any two people can find common ground for an enjoyable conversation as long as they both have the desire to do it. You just have to want it badly enough.
I find some members of my extended family to be distressingly shallow and a few have not had the benefit of the same level of education I received, but I don't consider them less intelligent. Yet others can think circles around me. (My mother, in particular, is intimidatingly bright.) It's mixed bag, just like the world in general.
There are different type of smarts, one may consider themselves more intelligent by way of education but some are naturally smarter or intelligent through common sense. Being intelligent to me means being informed and having higher sense of awareness than others.
There isn't a big intelligence gap in most of my birth family, but I have widely different experiences than most of them.
Out of my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and all first cousins, none have lived outside of our hometown for more than a few months, except for one set of grandparents back in the 60s, and my dad and one of his brothers as little boys then. I grew up in the same town and live there now, but I've lived in Iowa, Indiana, and Massachusetts over the last four years to gain some professional skills. As far as I know, none of my aunts, uncles, or first cousins have ever lived anywhere outside of northeast TN their adult lives. They're not stupid people, but their perspectives (especially thinking that this area is not poor, when in fact is truly is) are pretty narrow.
My parents, one uncle, and one aunt went to college. Uncle is probably the only one who has also ever worked in a job for a few years where a degree was required - he worked at IBM in the 80s before starting his own business. Parents have elementary education degrees, but only used them briefly before leaving the field and have not done as well since. Aunt has worked in various roles at a cable company. A degree was mandatory for my current position. No one in my family has a graduate degree. I hope to go to grad school sometime.
Other than the one uncle, no one in my family has ever really traveled. We're not talking expensive international travel, but relatively inexpensive travel within the country. We're in east TN and my parents (and probably aunts/uncles) never went north of Virginia until they visited me in Indiana and Iowa. I have several family members who have never been to Florida, Atlanta, or Washington DC. I've been to every state east of the Mississippi except for Delaware and Louisiana, and have been to the Dakotas, Nebraska, Kansas, Missouri, and Minnesota.
We've just had vastly different lives.
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