Anyone else have an "intelligence gap" in their family?? (husband, person)

[scend57]

I consider myself to be fairly intelligent and informed on a variety of things. At the same time, i notice most of my immediate family is no where near the same wavelength intelligence-wise.

Needless to say i can feel very "alone" even when surrounded by tons of relatives at family gatherings like picnics and dinners, i just don't "have anything in common" with them other than blood/genetics. Usually i find myself off to the side or in the corner as i honestly have nothing to say or add to their conversations (sports don't interest me, and random family gossip doesn't interest me either)

This has been a source of frustration for me for QUITE some time now, although i keep this to myself and do not mention it to family members. Anyone else "the smart one" in their family? And how do you cope with this intellectual loneliness??

I mean, the internet is a great outlet for finding like-minded individuals and all, but i GOTTA admit i feel awfully lonely in the "real world" at times The reality is neither the internet nor these smartphones are a proper substitute for real, living people.... and therein lies the problem for us loner types. You can literally be in a room of like 50 family members and feel like the loneliest person in the world.

Strangely, even though i'm Mexican-american i notice that of the handful of good friends i do have they are all white. I don't know what it is but i'm just "drawn" to intelligent people, even if they're outside my own race, i just have this "craving" for intelligence like you wouldn't believe. When i find out someone is intelligent they AUTOMATICALLY go up a few points in terms of likeability regardless of any other flaws they might have.

Anyways, sorry to rant but i just felt like venting a bit. I just don't have much to do these last 2 weeks of the year (and no-one similarly-minded to talk to anyway ) so i'm finding myself staying up late on forums killing time etc.

Anyone else deal with a similar "intelligence gap" in their family? Any ideas?

[ylisa7]

I don't consider myself more intelligent than anyone else. I think we can all learn something from each other if we are open minded enough. As for my family, I also have nothing in common but I am able to have conversations with them. Our opinions are vastly different so I keep things light. Maybe your family feels the same about you. What do you talk about? Are you always talking about one thing or do you have varied interests? Start a conversation about something you like and see where it goes.

Your family will always have some different interests. I know not to talk to one niece's husband about politics. He is a hot head ready to explode. When I sit down with my niece and him I tell him right off I will not discuss politics with him. My MIL rolls her eyes when I talk about growing my own food and canning. I roll my eyes when they talk about plays. It's all give and take but we respect each other to listen. Of course if you really don't like the conversation move on to the next group of people and "start" a conversation.

Enjoy your family for who they are. If you want stimulating conversation you may have to go elsewhere. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with your family or that they aren't intelligent. Maybe they just don't want to talk about heavy things when they get together as a family. How do they feel about you? Maybe they think you are too judgmental of them and they think you are an idiot. I'm not saying that is true or that you are but story has more than one side

[wasel]

This post annoys me because intelligence shouldn't make a person likeable or worthy of hanging out with. In fact my husband is Ivy League educated and that is one of his traits I care least about.

If I were as intelligent as you claim to be I would still be able to find interesting things to talk about. For instance you could ask about their job, but not in a how's work" sense but something more about their industry, what are some of the trends they are seeing, etc. In other words engage them in something relevant to them but with an intellectual bent.

If they are into soccer maybe ask them why they think the world's most popular sport isn't a major professional sport here in the US.

Think outside the box a little and stop being such a snob.

[carnivalday]

Must be lonely on that pedestal you put yourself on.

[reebo]

You'd think your use of gratuitous "quotation marks" would put anyone off.

How about realize there's more to being a good person than intelligence, certainly intelligence as you define it? People do the best they have with what they've got.

How about taking classes in subjects you're interested in? That should at least provide a pool of people with similar interests.

Seriously, stop breaking your arm patting yourself on the back for your "intelligence."

[clawsondude]

I wouldn't say there is an intelligence gap in my family, but I have certainly gone down a different path than most people I'm related to. I'm the first person to graduate high school, let alone college on my mom's side of the family. On my dad's side most people learned a trade after high school. I have one uncle on that side who went to college.

When getting together with family I do find some disconnect when talking about work. A lot of times I feel left out of the conversation because most of them have a similar background and stories from job sites, the shop, etc. I'm the only one that has worked in a corporate environment, so I can't really relate to most of those stories, and they can't relate to mine.

Luckily there are plenty of things to talk about other than work! I love my family and wouldn't trade them for the world. I also don't think intelligence is necessarily related to career. My dad has never set foot in a college classroom but I think he's a very intelligent man. He also has a lot of practical knowledge that I'm envious of. When I'm having a plumbing issue at home he's the first person I call!

[Mnseca]

Originally Posted by scend57

I consider myself to be fairly intelligent and informed on a variety of things. At the same time, i notice most of my immediate family is no where near the same wavelength intelligence-wise.

Needless to say i can feel very "alone" even when surrounded by tons of relatives at family gatherings like picnics and dinners, i just don't "have anything in common" with them other than blood/genetics. Usually i find myself off to the side or in the corner as i honestly have nothing to say or add to their conversations (sports don't interest me, and random family gossip doesn't interest me either)

This has been a source of frustration for me for QUITE some time now, although i keep this to myself and do not mention it to family members. Anyone else "the smart one" in their family? And how do you cope with this intellectual loneliness??

I mean, the internet is a great outlet for finding like-minded individuals and all, but i GOTTA admit i feel awfully lonely in the "real world" at times The reality is neither the internet nor these smartphones are a proper substitute for real, living people.... and therein lies the problem for us loner types. You can literally be in a room of like 50 family members and feel like the loneliest person in the world.

Strangely, even though i'm Mexican-american i notice that of the handful of good friends i do have they are all white. I don't know what it is but i'm just "drawn" to intelligent people, even if they're outside my own race, i just have this "craving" for intelligence like you wouldn't believe. When i find out someone is intelligent they AUTOMATICALLY go up a few points in terms of likeability regardless of any other flaws they might have.

Anyways, sorry to rant but i just felt like venting a bit. I just don't have much to do these last 2 weeks of the year (and no-one similarly-minded to talk to anyway ) so i'm finding myself staying up late on forums killing time etc.

Anyone else deal with a similar "intelligence gap" in their family? Any ideas?

I don't agree that your intelligence is what is keeping you off to the side or in a corner. That's just unfriendliness, lack of social skills, lack of emotional intelligence, or similar. If you are really intelligent then you should be able to make conversation with people you have known all your life, even if they are not interested in the same things that you are. I'm also not sure how you "find out" that someone is intelligent. More likely you are young (20's maybe?) and have moved into different cultural circles than your family and now look down on them for what you consider "wrong" or "unintelligent" views compared to your own, more "enlightened" views. This is just lack of maturity on your part. I think a lot of people go through a period, beginning in the teen years, when they are sort of rebelling against whatever they grew up with, and you'll probably grow out of it eventually.

[JONOV]

Do you feel better about yourself? Because your family likely thinks of you as the arrogant one. It has nothing to do with intelligence and everything to do with your apathy about your familial relationships.

[elhelmete]

Based on your posting history here, I doubt there is an intelligence gap.

[cpg35223]

Originally Posted by scend57

I consider myself to be fairly intelligent and informed on a variety of things. At the same time, i notice most of my immediate family is no where near the same wavelength intelligence-wise.

Needless to say i can feel very "alone" even when surrounded by tons of relatives at family gatherings like picnics and dinners, i just don't "have anything in common" with them other than blood/genetics. Usually i find myself off to the side or in the corner as i honestly have nothing to say or add to their conversations (sports don't interest me, and random family gossip doesn't interest me either)

This has been a source of frustration for me for QUITE some time now, although i keep this to myself and do not mention it to family members. Anyone else "the smart one" in their family? And how do you cope with this intellectual loneliness??

I mean, the internet is a great outlet for finding like-minded individuals and all, but i GOTTA admit i feel awfully lonely in the "real world" at times The reality is neither the internet nor these smartphones are a proper substitute for real, living people.... and therein lies the problem for us loner types. You can literally be in a room of like 50 family members and feel like the loneliest person in the world.

Strangely, even though i'm Mexican-american i notice that of the handful of good friends i do have they are all white. I don't know what it is but i'm just "drawn" to intelligent people, even if they're outside my own race, i just have this "craving" for intelligence like you wouldn't believe. When i find out someone is intelligent they AUTOMATICALLY go up a few points in terms of likeability regardless of any other flaws they might have.

Anyways, sorry to rant but i just felt like venting a bit. I just don't have much to do these last 2 weeks of the year (and no-one similarly-minded to talk to anyway ) so i'm finding myself staying up late on forums killing time etc.

Anyone else deal with a similar "intelligence gap" in their family? Any ideas?

Hard Lesson To Learn: Just because someone is interested in different things than you doesn't make them unintelligent.

Second Hard Lesson To Learn: Intelligence and wisdom are two completely different things.

What I've really discovered about people who think like you? It's not that other people are terrible conversationalists. It's that they aren't necessarily wanting to talk about what you want to talk about. So if you go to a get-together and want to chat about hermeneutics or the current upheaval in South Sudan, prepare for disappointment in even the loftiest intellectual circles.

Mind you, sports and family gossip only go so far. But an adept conversationalist will draw the other person out and discuss other things. How hard can it be to ask a few open ended questions about their lives? What interests them. Their hobbies. Movies they've seen. The list goes on and on. Ask enough questions about them and their lives, and you'll be surprised at what you discover. For most people, once you get past the surface questions of family and whatever team they support, actually lead pretty interesting lives. As long as you have the wherewithal to discover it. And it's really not all that hard.

So why not put that transcendent intelligence of yours to work and actually try relating to the other people there, rather than deigning to grace the gathering with your presence? You'll be amazed at the conversations you actually have.