Anyone else have an "intelligence gap" in their family?? (siblings, brother)

[froglipz]

Yes, our family has extremes in the smarts, makes for interesting interactions!

[bewitchyou]

There is also a fine line between intelligence and arrogance OP. Have you ever tried helping others learn or spark an interest in what you know or are drawn towards?

Intelligence varies. There are book worms, there is street smarts, wisdom, common sense, intuitive, being cunning, the list goes on.

[BlueQueuedQuarks]

I hear you OP.

For some reason people take offense if someone says one person is more intelligent than another - though it is almost certain that some people are more intelligent than others (with due considerations to different types of intelligences).

I feel I'm more intelligent than my immediate family, while certainly recognizing that plenty of people are more intelligent than me. However, the bigger problem is completely different interests (which may be the result of different intelligences).

Christmas dinner is coming up and I'm not really looking forward to another family gathering and talking about what was seen on TV or what one of their kids did. Here will come the naysayers, of course. I try to engage them on something that I find interesting about the subject of the TV show they are discussing (if Dancing with the Stars is really just mainstreamed soft core porn for the masses - for example) or asking if they've considered why the child did a particular act. And they don't bite. Interestingly, the kids are much more receptive as when my nephew had a toy space shuttle and I asked him what he new about his "space ship" and explained what the shuttle was, showed him some YouTube videos and a balloon demonstration of rocketry.


My advice.
Deal with it.
Do what you can.

Find others who are more interested in discussing things you want to discuss.

You can't pick your family, but you share genes with them so there's an innate interest in their well being.

[scend57]

Wow, skimming thru some of these responses it seems a good number of people took my post the wrong way. I was merely venting about how i don't seem to have much in common with my IMMEDIATE family members (brothers, parents, etc). If my venting somehow offended you, i'm sorry

I also disagree with the people saying intelligence "doesn't matter" or doesn't exist. It absolutely matters and it can be reasonably measured. You can take 2 random people off the street, run them both thru some tests, and ascertain +/- which one is "generally" smarter. That's just science. IQ is real. To deny that differences in intelligence exist is to start muddying the waters and getting into SJW territory.

Other factors like social skills aside, i think it's pretty reasonable to say a low-IQ person and a high-IQ person will have a hard time relating with each other or holding a conversation for very long. I don't think that's snobby at all, that's just a factual observation.

Again, sorry if my post somehow offended you

As far as trying more 1-on-1 conversations with family members? Trust me I've tried that, but unfortunately that just confirmed my suspicions each time I give people the benefit of the doubt, but once you've known them for 10-30 years as with family members? You generally know where they stand.

For the record the few friends i do have i consider to be a little smarter than me (rough guesstimate), but our common interests and similar "wavelength" make for VERY good synergy and excellent discussions/conversations. I always feel better after a good conversation.

Yeah, i would consider myself an introvert. Like i said, if i'm at a family gathering and i honestly have NOTHING to add to the group's conversation, what am i supposed to do? I'd rather just say nothing than come across as ackward

[eastcoastguyz]

Originally Posted by wasel

This post annoys me because intelligence shouldn't make a person likeable or worthy of hanging out with. In fact my husband is Ivy League educated and that is one of his traits I care least about.

If I were as intelligent as you claim to be I would still be able to find interesting things to talk about. For instance you could ask about their job, but not in a how's work" sense but something more about their industry, what are some of the trends they are seeing, etc. In other words engage them in something relevant to them but with an intellectual bent.

If they are into soccer maybe ask them why they think the world's most popular sport isn't a major professional sport here in the US.

Think outside the box a little and stop being such a snob.

The OP isn't being a snob. Those people who sit around and talk about sports and gossip are, frankly they aren't intelligent. Your question would be answered with, "Gosh, I don't know." and then they would all laugh at you and roll their eyes, and offer you a beer or tell you not to drink so much. The OP is right, those people don't have anything in common because they aren't intelligent enough. The post annoys you, because it is you who has a difficulty "thinking out the box a little" to understand not everyone has the same intelligence. Ivy League doesn't mean someone in intelligence, lots of idiots attend those colleges and watch sports.

[Hedgehog_Mom]

Originally Posted by scend57

I consider myself to be fairly intelligent and informed on a variety of things. At the same time, i notice most of my immediate family is no where near the same wavelength intelligence-wise.

Needless to say i can feel very "alone" even when surrounded by tons of relatives at family gatherings like picnics and dinners, i just don't "have anything in common" with them other than blood/genetics. Usually i find myself off to the side or in the corner as i honestly have nothing to say or add to their conversations (sports don't interest me, and random family gossip doesn't interest me either)

This has been a source of frustration for me for QUITE some time now, although i keep this to myself and do not mention it to family members. Anyone else "the smart one" in their family? And how do you cope with this intellectual loneliness??

I mean, the internet is a great outlet for finding like-minded individuals and all, but i GOTTA admit i feel awfully lonely in the "real world" at times The reality is neither the internet nor these smartphones are a proper substitute for real, living people.... and therein lies the problem for us loner types. You can literally be in a room of like 50 family members and feel like the loneliest person in the world.

Strangely, even though i'm Mexican-american i notice that of the handful of good friends i do have they are all white. I don't know what it is but i'm just "drawn" to intelligent people, even if they're outside my own race, i just have this "craving" for intelligence like you wouldn't believe. When i find out someone is intelligent they AUTOMATICALLY go up a few points in terms of likeability regardless of any other flaws they might have.

Anyways, sorry to rant but i just felt like venting a bit. I just don't have much to do these last 2 weeks of the year (and no-one similarly-minded to talk to anyway ) so i'm finding myself staying up late on forums killing time etc.

Anyone else deal with a similar "intelligence gap" in their family? Any ideas?

You sound just like an old friend of mine. She went on about how nobody could hold an intelligent conversation with her. She especially complained about her husband and how they couldn't have a conversation or play board games and she just wanted to be with someone who was her intellectual equal. Then her husband left her for an 18 year old and she fell down to the bottom of a bottle and just stayed there. She didn't want him anymore but she wanted to leave him on her own terms.

I don't think that it's impossible for people of differing levels of intelligence to have meaningful relationships. As an example, my sister is almost done with her doctorate, and her fiance has a GED. Certain people in my family make a big deal about my sister dating below her intelligence level, but she says that her fiance is good company, undemanding, mellow, a good cook and a good lover, and that she just wants to relax at home and be comfortable, so he's perfect for her.

Anyhow, being too smart for everyone you know is a way to be very lonely sometimes.

[I love boots.]

I think the OP is missing out. I've noticed at any gathering it is the dumb people that make it fun. After a drink or two, even funner. Small doses of dumbness at social gatherings lightens things up and is a welcome break from the seriousness of my life.

[tamajane]

Originally Posted by Hedgehog_Mom

You sound just like an old friend of mine. She went on about how nobody could hold an intelligent conversation with her. She especially complained about her husband and how they couldn't have a conversation or play board games and she just wanted to be with someone who was her intellectual equal. Then her husband left her for an 18 year old and she fell down to the bottom of a bottle and just stayed there. She didn't want him anymore but she wanted to leave him on her own terms.
.

I know a woman like that, she is very condescending about her husband but he probably earns more money. He will never leave her even though he sounds miserable and depressed most of the time. She is not that smart, and he is not dumb, she is just arrogant.

[wasel]

Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth

I tried that with a couple of my relatives, after I learned about some issues in their fields, and the convo crashed and burned before it ever got off the ground. They weren't able to engage; one only responded, "Yup, there's a lot of problems! Yup!" They were both oddly out of touch. It was a shock, and very disillusioning, because I felt like there was no way to connect with them meaningfully; chit-chat was the only venue. I suspect the OP might run into something similar.

Yeah, that's not really the issue the poster is talking about. What you describe sounds more like disinterest vs. not being intelligent.

[I love boots.]

Comedian Dennis Miller said that if you know your IQ you're an Idiot. I believe it. You can't be as quick witted as he is without being highly intelligent.