Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I wasn't sure where to put this as I'm new so apologies if this is in the wrong place.
I am a 38 year old man and I am struggling with some issues about inheritance ever since my Father died last year. My Mother is still alive and when I go to visit her the topic always seems to turn to inheritance, this is what happened over the Christmas period and I would like some outside input on it if any of you guys could help.
I have 3 other siblings and recently speaking to my Mother I was informed that one of my siblings had received a lot of money from her and my Father over the years, more recently in the last year she has given my Brother £90,000 to buy a barn that he is going to renovate. Over the years according to her he has been given around £250,000. Which is fine as it's her money but upon speaking to her over the Christmas period I was informed that when she dies the money from the house will be going to charity and that me and my other siblings will not be receiving any sort of inheritance.
I just find it hugely unfair, not just to me but to my other two Sisters also. Over the years I have struggled hugely with money. I have 4 children, I have lost jobs, I've had to downsize my house, my Children have gone without. The things I have gotten from my parents over the years probably equates to around £5,000 and a second hand car and whilst I am and was hugely grateful for anything I have been given I can't help but feel huge resentment towards my Brother because the money has been given to him for things he wants and nothing that he really needs, whereas with me and my Sisters it's only been when we really need something.
The topic always seems to turn to inheritance whenever I go and visit my Mother ever since my Father died. He was a very private person and money was never discussed before. I despise talking about it to her and I have always thought that it's their money and whatever I receive or don't is completely up to them as it's theirs but like I said I feel like it's very unfair at the risk of sounding like some sort of spoiled brat.
There's not much I can really do about it I know but to hear she was going to be giving the money from the sale of the house to charity was a bit of a kick in the teeth if I'm honest. Do you think it would be ok for me to let my Mother know how much it has upset me? Is the way I'm reacting to this not right and should I just shut up?
The topic always seems to turn to inheritance whenever I go and visit my Mother ever since my Father died. He was a very private person and money was never discussed before. I despise talking about it to her and I have always thought that it's their money and whatever I receive or don't is completely up to them as it's theirs but like I said I feel like it's very unfair at the risk of sounding like some sort of spoiled brat.
Quit talking about it, and yes, you sound like a spoiled brat.
I don't think you sound like a spoiled brat, but your brother sure does. I would bring it up with your mom. I wouldn't assume she'll change her mind or act like you deserve it or your bro didn't deserve it, but I would mention the grandkids and talk about one way her legacy can be giving them some money, in trust, to use for education related expenses.
Quit talking about it, and yes, you sound like a spoiled brat.
The bolded part is what you need to focus on....
I see where you'e coming from but it has still completely pissed me off and I can't help how I feel about it! I thought maybe she would've given something to my Children, not even me.
That does sound very unfair OP. But any chance your lucky brother has given more of his time and care to your parents over the years? That would begin to justify his lottery win (250,000 pounds is alot of money).
It sounds like you and your sisters could approach your mother honestly and try to change her mind about donating her house to charity. Stories of your 4 kids going without should strike a cord with most moms about their grandkids. Maybe suggest a 3-way split (your brother got his) with you and your sisters.
Note- there will be a number of responders here saying you can do nothing about inheritance. They'll say it is rude, it is her money, etc, etc. I don't buy that. Heck my own mom often says she will give her 3 kids equal shares of the family estate, but what if she were saying this only to buy nicer treatment from her kids?
It is a 2 way street. A parent's senior years often need to be managed by his/her kids. And inheritances can be enough to change lives for the better.
Join with your sisters and make a well thought out request...
She brings it up because she likes to moan about how much money she's been giving my Brother.
Perhaps, the next time she moans about the money that she has given the one son, suggest that she "ask for the money back" since it is obviously something that she did not want to do.
Yes, it is her money but the one son either tricked her or conned her or pressured her (or your dad) to get that money that Mom is so upset about giving to him. In that case, IMHO, I would say something about subtracting that money from her estate before it goes to her children (or grandchildren).
I don't think you sound like a spoiled brat, but your brother sure does. I would bring it up with your mom. I wouldn't assume she'll change her mind or act like you deserve it or your bro didn't deserve it, but I would mention the grandkids and talk about one way her legacy can be giving them some money, in trust, to use for education related expenses.
Thank you, this was my way of thinking really. I am pretty much ok with money now so anything I would have received even if it had been for me,probably would have gone to my kids.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
