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Thank you, this was my way of thinking really. I am pretty much ok with money now so anything I would have received even if it had been for me,probably would have gone to my kids.
If your mom is bringing this up repeatedly, I don't know why you can't ask her to remember your kids in her will. This does not mean she will do this, but if you ask her, she might.
I think it is odd that she mentions how much she has given to your brother, but doesn't seem to make the connection that she has given you much less. Or maybe she is just giving your warning, and she feels bad about her decision and so her uneasiness makes her talk about it.
The thing is, if the will is already written, it will take effort on her part to change it. And, I imagine it just would be easier for her to not change it. So, all you can do is ask for your kids. I don't see anything wrong with doing that, because apparently her will is much on her mind anyway. But you can't force her to change her will. And if your sisters have kids, they might need to be mentioned as well.
I think the "charity" ruse is something your mother has concocted out of desperation. Up until this point she was complaining to you all about the money she was giving to your brother because:
1. She lacked the guts to tell him no.
2. She didn't want the rest of her children asking for money also, so she tried to convey her displeasure with giving HIM money, hoping the rest of you
would take heed.
I suspect she will leave an inheritance to you and your sisters, with your brother receiving little to nothing; after all, he got his while your mother was still living. Again, however, I think your mother is afraid to tell him, "No more!" so she's using you, in a way, to tell the story about her charitable intentions. Her immediately objective is to put an end to the family squabbles over an inheritance -- and to send a clear message to your brother that the golden goose has run out of eggs.
Yes, I think this is possible as well. She'd probably just state somewhere that she's given everyone equal shares, but the brother's share was given in advance of her death while the rest of you are receiving it after death.
It's far better for her to say that NO ONE is going to get any inheritance than to inflame the one brother by saying he's not going to get anything (because he's already spent it all) while everyone else will still get something. Right now he seems to think the Bank of Mom is open for business and giving out free money, and she just wants to shut that down.
I wasn't sure where to put this as I'm new so apologies if this is in the wrong place.
(snip)
Please help
I understand how you feel and sympathize with you. I also think you are correct in your feelings.
If it were me, I would tell her just what you posted here. Don't be hostile, but tell her how hurt you are. No one likes discussing money or inheritance, but you'll be bitter about this the rest of your life if you don't at least try to do something about it.
I imagine your mother has a reason. Maybe she thinks you're doing better than you are, or maybe she holds something against you.
It's so unfair when parents give a lot more to one of their kids than the others, but it happened to me, and it's happened to others I've known. It's very unfair and hurtful.
Also...if you brought up the inheritance to her, she may have just decided to give it to charity because she's tired of hearing about it from the kids. It's also possible she just said that.
You said the subject of inheritance keeps coming up. How? Who brings it up?
Yes, I think this is possible as well. She'd probably just state somewhere that she's given everyone equal shares, but the brother's share was given in advance of her death while the rest of you are receiving it after death.
It's far better for her to say that NO ONE is going to get any inheritance than to inflame the one brother by saying he's not going to get anything (because he's already spent it all) while everyone else will still get something. Right now he seems to think the Bank of Mom is open for business and giving out free money, and she just wants to shut that down.
If that's what she's doing (which I find odd), I think it's likely she'll leave it to all the kids, incl. the deadbeat. She will consider the past the past. She won't want to hurt any of the kids after she's gone. That's what my mom did, after supporting the deadbeat sister for most of her life (cars, gas, insurance, a house, room and board, food, health and dental care); she left a will giving us all equal shares of what was left. The deadbeat was surprised she didn't get more than that, since she was so used to it. She thought she'd get the house. Surprise! But she did get her equal share.
I think the "charity" ruse is something your mother has concocted out of desperation. Up until this point she was complaining to you all about the money she was giving to your brother because:
1. She lacked the guts to tell him no.
2. She didn't want the rest of her children asking for money also, so she tried to convey her displeasure with giving HIM money, hoping the rest of you
would take heed.
I suspect she will leave an inheritance to you and your sisters, with your brother receiving little to nothing; after all, he got his while your mother was still living. Again, however, I think your mother is afraid to tell him, "No more!" so she's using you, in a way, to tell the story about her charitable intentions. Her immediately objective is to put an end to the family squabbles over an inheritance -- and to send a clear message to your brother that the golden goose has run out of eggs.
I disagree.
I have read too many stories about "the favored child" receiving far, far more than their share during the parents lifetimes and rarely do the parents "subtract" that amount from their total estate. The parents usually just divide everything equally.
In fact, I have sometimes read about "the favored child" ending up receiving the whole rest of the estate in the will and the other children receiving absolutely nothing.
Quit talking about it, and yes, you sound like a spoiled brat.
The bolded part is what you need to focus on....
Wow what a nasty remark . He does not sound like a spoiled brat at all . If he and his sisters are respectful, loving kids why should they not be entitled as their brother .
Last edited by shopalcholic; 01-05-2017 at 07:32 PM..
Your mother is still alive, correct? I find it morbid to even talk about where her money will go to after she passes. At any rate, if you're worried about it all going to charity then I would casually bring up that she should leave all the grandkids some money for a college fund.
OP she can do what she wants with her money. While it seems unfair, she doesn't have to explain and we certainly don't know the answers. There is nothing you can do. Suggest you not initiate any discussions about inheritance. It is what it is. She might change her mind but don't allow her to use her estate as a carrot or a stick. Sometimes parents do that.
Waste of time to try to read her mind or try to predict what she will do.
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