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She is not retired. The mother DID invite me. If you do not read the entire thread and all of my related posts to this topic please do not put your 2 cents in because a lot of the replies could be answered in previous posts, or there is information that could apply in previous posts. I appreciate everybody's advice but IT IS OVER NOW. There is NO MORE NEED TO DISCUSS THIS. Besides, I think many of you haven't read the entire thread and are missing the point. Some of you are trying to say things along the line of "whats wrong with a family dinner?" or "it's a family dinner there's nothing wrong with that." THAT IS NOT WHAT MY ISSUE IS. Others are saying things like "Why can't you just pay for yourself?" THAT'S NOT MY ISSUE EITHER. I simply wanted peoples opinions on what the mother meant by inviting me to the dinner but saying that I would have to pay for myself. I was frustrated simply because, why would she rather passive aggressively invite me, than not invite me at all? I would totally understand if it was just for family. Some of you are even going so far as to tell me I should leave my boyfriend. Thank you for looking out for me, but that is not what this thread was intended to be about. Like I have said multiple times before, this was a small, one time thing that I just wanted a few thoughts on, I did not want an entire debate on etiquette. I would really appreciate it if we could stop bickering or insulting my boyfriend/his family/myself. Like someone said before, none of you really understand our family dynamic or relationship, so I wanted broad advice, thoughts and opinions to apply to my specific situation. Now, some of the assumptions people are making are incredibly inaccurate and frustrating for me to hear because of how incorrect they are. Don't take offense to this people, I'm just done with this thread and I would appreciate it if we all were too (:
By all means, continue talking about etiquette, manners and payments if you like! Just please don't mention me or my specific situation, as it is over and done with.
To begin, I will say that I am a relatively sensitive person and I do tend to take things personally when they are not meant to be. However, I'm also pretty rational and usually after thinking about stuff for a bit I understand what was originally meant. So I have no idea if I actually have a right to feel slightly offended or not.
So basically, my boyfriends sibling just came back from a trip, and to celebrate his mom was going to take them out to a restaurant Monday night. On Sunday, my boyfriend said I should go over to his house Monday after work and I said something like "oh but you have the dinner" to which he replied with "Oh yeah you can come to that by the way." I'm thinking okay yeah that would be cool but then he says "but you have to pay for yourself."
I thought that the parents/host/whoever did the inviting was usually supposed to pay; especially considering she will be paying for my boyfriend and her other kid, I just felt kind of left out. I'm not trying to make it a competition or anything and it's not fair to compare different peoples styles and actions; but if and when my parents invite him to a family dinner at a restaurant they always pay for both me AND him. I wouldn't feel so bad if everyone was paying for themselves or something, and I understand that they are her kids, but idk it still kind of made me feel bad.
Is this a normal thing?? I've only really been in one serious relationship, which is with this current boyfriend, so I don't have much experience dining out with the boyfriend and the family. Am I overreacting or is it sort of understandable to be slightly put-off by this?
Sorry this is such a stupid, random question haha, thanks for any advice.
P.S; for clarification, I asked my bf if I was actually invited by the parent and family or if he just told me to come thinking it would be okay, and he said I was legit invited.
Obviously Mom was planning on taking her adult kids out....So...If you wanted to tag along, you will need to pay for your meal.
You are taking this as a personal affront? Do you know your boyfriend's Mom's financial situation?
Regardless, telling you that you are welcome to come along and alerting you to the fact that Mom is only paying for him, not you was simply being polite to avoid that awkward moment for you or his mom.
Remember, he invited you....Perhaps you should be questioning his not buying your dinner....but not his Mom.
How did it go?
Last edited by JanND; 05-02-2017 at 06:52 PM..
Reason: edit text
I appreciate everybody's advice but IT IS OVER NOW. There is NO MORE NEED TO DISCUSS THIS.
Like I have said multiple times before, this was a small, one time thing that I just wanted a few thoughts on, I did not want an entire debate on etiquette.
Don't take offense to this people, I'm just done with this thread and I would appreciate it if we all were too (:
By all means, continue talking about etiquette, manners and payments if you like! Just please don't mention me or my specific situation, as it is over and done with.
New here, aren't you?
If you stick around, you'll find this giant game of telephone goes with the territory.
I wouldn't go. Period. How rude is that? Either your BF should pay or his parents, but to tell you that you'd have to pay your own, forget it.
OP, you'd better think long and hard about staying in this "cheap" relationship. He sounds like a loser and his family sounds like they are cheapskates!
If you stick around, you'll find this giant game of telephone goes with the territory.
LOL. Poor dear does not know how things go on here. OP, just abandon the thread if you don't want to talk about it anymore. No one is going to respect your request. Most won't even see it. They will come into a thread with 18 pages and still respond to the first post.
I'll just mention here that we have been together for three years! It's a pretty long time, but I honestly don't think I have ever eaten out with his whole family at a restaurant before haha. The only thing I can remember was about a year ago; my boyfriend, our friend and I met his mom and her friends at their restaurant so we could all go home together, and she bought us a dessert to share. We are also 18/19 years old and I am in college (to understand our financial situation) and we are at each others houses almost every day. I am not super close with his mom but like I said, I'm at there house at LEAST 2 days a week so we know each other well, and talk and interact quite a bit.
I was wondering about your age(s). I wouldn't take it personally. Possibly the family has financial constraints. If I was your boyfriend (trust me I'm too old for you now, LOL), I would be paying. You should be questioning why the boyfriend even stated that you had to pay.
People tend to read the original post and then the first two or three pages if it a lengthy thread- that's why they miss updates.
To the OP-
I am still unsure as to whether your boyfriends mother actually invited you to dinner or if your boyfriend asked to bring you. It is possible that he wanted to bring you along. She might have gone along with it but left an out by saying that you could come if you paid for your meal. If you are over at his house as often as you say, why wouldn't she have just invited you directly?
Yeah. Cause actually, it was your boyfriend who invited you. Not his mom. And honestly, I think it's totally fair this way.
His mom shouldn't be expected to pay for another meal that she didn't plan on. I wouldn't have any hard feelings over it.
This!
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