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Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 11 days ago)
35,637 posts, read 17,989,189 times
Reputation: 50679
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It sounds like you're probably at the dinner right now, so kind of too late for advice but I would be very cautious about this. Unless she's a bit clueless and extremely tight fisted with money and really doesn't understand how off-putting this is, I'd take this as kind of a sign of difficult times to come.
If you do go, I hope you post back and say how it went.
I think in a situation like this, you should wait to be invited by his mom/parent personally.
However, I will just say that this is weird, that you have been with your BF three years, and you don't know your BF's parents well enough to know what their "dynamics" are concerning you. It just seems to me that if you are close in distance that you should know them much better than you obviously do. Maybe this is not the OP's fault -- judging from her post, it probably isn't! -- but if it is a serious relationship, maybe you and your boyfriend should invite his parents to do something with you that will give you a chance to know each other better.
I'll just mention here that we have been together for three years! It's a pretty long time, but I honestly don't think I have ever eaten out with his whole family at a restaurant before haha. The only thing I can remember was about a year ago; my boyfriend, our friend and I met his mom and her friends at their restaurant so we could all go home together, and she bought us a dessert to share. We are also 18/19 years old and I am in college (to understand our financial situation) and we are at each others houses almost every day. I am not super close with his mom but like I said, I'm at there house at LEAST 2 days a week so we know each other well, and talk and interact quite a bit.
Ok, then it's quite weird that she would invite you, but expect you to pay! I can see if you two just started dating but it's been three years and you see his mom regularly?? This makes no sense? Honestly, since you've been together awhile I would come right out and ask your BF why you would be paying for yourself if (1) his mom invited you and (2) so did your boyfriend. One of them should pay for you or I wouldn't go and quite honestly, I would question the relationship!
You don't think that would be awkward for all involved?
Paying for your own meal is awkward? No, I don't think paying for myself is awkward if I want to tag along to a family event. I've done it and had no problems. How's it different than eating out with friends and paying for yourself?
Paying for your own meal is awkward? No, I don't think paying for myself is awkward if I want to tag along to a family event. I've done it and had no problems. How's it different than eating out with friends and paying for yourself?
Of course I'm capable of paying for my own food, but there were very few situations where I'd be out to dinner with a BF's family (especially as students, who aren't known for having lots of disposable income) where his parents haven't said something like "don't be silly, put your money away." If the OP really has been dating this lady's son for three years, singling her out is not a very unifying gesture.
Last edited by fleetiebelle; 05-01-2017 at 05:16 PM..
Why would expect his parents to pay for your meal? Yes they're paying for their children, but you're not one of their children. It sounds like it is really a family dinner and your boyfriend asked if you could tag along. What's the big deal about paying for your own meal anyway?
It's not that I just expect her to pay for my meal, but it's the fact that usually when you are invited to go out with a friend/boyfriend/girlfriend and their parents, the majority of the time the parent's just pay for everyone. Also,I was invited to go, so naturally I kind of thought she would be paying; and it's also kind of awkward because she will be paying for everyone there except for me. I do not have an issue paying for my own food it's just the fact that it seems like she doesn't want me there and this was a passive aggressive way of saying "I don't really want to, but I guess."
We've been together for three years and we never go out to eat for special occasions with his family, so it can be kinda hurtful when practically the one time you are invited, it's basically just "yah she can tag along if she pays for herself." Why am I not worth it haha, I just want to feel included! :P
Paying for your own meal is awkward? No, I don't think paying for myself is awkward if I want to tag along to a family event. I've done it and had no problems. How's it different than eating out with friends and paying for yourself?
When one person is paying for everyone but you, it's awkward. When my then boyfriend's parents invited me to a family dinner, they paid. If everyone paid for their own, that would be different.
Just to throw my $.02 in I think the bf should have given his mom the money for your dinner and not even discussed it. Call it a lie of omission but I think everyone ends up happy and you aren't feeling left out.
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