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I wouldn't even make it about respect. Go with indifference. Go in with the goal of giving no energy to this person.
I have made this comment in the beginning about a "default"-type of respect and I was a little admonished for it. It's from my upbringing. My family has always emphasized the need to respect the ones next to you (by default), no matter how they decide to behave. It's not at all the "respect" we are used to these days. It's more a form of good energy that we want to project and we really want projected in our direction. Like a flotation device that keeps you hoping that one day you can at least be civil.
I have made this comment in the beginning about a "default"-type of respect and I was a little admonished for it. It's from my upbringing. My family has always emphasized the need to respect the ones next to you (by default), no matter how they decide to behave. It's not at all the "respect" we are used to these days. It's more a form of good energy that we want to project and we really want projected in our direction. Like a flotation device that keeps you hoping that one day you can at least be civil.
I admire that and I understand the value your family wants to instill. But the hard truth is that with some people today, ANY respect shown by you is going to be taken as an opportunity to continue to act like a brat. People who act like this do not understand respect or the value of it. They're not trying to operate in the world in a way that is constructive. They don't see the importance of maintaining relationships with others that are based on trust or even truth. They just want their way. So you have to go to lengths that you normally wouldn't go to when dealing with someone like this. They only respond to fear and cold power grabs.
I admire that and I understand the value your family wants to instill. But the hard truth is that with some people today, ANY respect shown by you is going to be taken as an opportunity to continue to act like a brat. People who act like this do not understand respect or the value of it. They're not trying to operate in the world in a way that is constructive. They don't see the importance of maintaining relationships with others that are based on trust or even truth. They just want their way. So you have to go to lengths that you normally wouldn't go to when dealing with someone like this. They only respond to fear and cold power grabs.
You're right but it hurts. Let's remember we live in a capitalistic society so yeah...you're right.
It's hard to divine someone's issues, whom we don't know. I think the bit about you making him better at his job was just a line. It doesn't sound genuine; he sounds like he could be a guy used to schmoozing people, manipulating them. Some people just have a chip on their shoulder; they want to be the one who shines and gets accolades, and he couldn't do that with you around, since he's new, you have more experience and rank, etc.
That doesn't explain the rudeness; maybe it's just immaturity, and he's miffed because he can't claim center stage (not that you do, but he may feel that you're in his way). I would chalk it up to young male ego, and his inability to swallow being under, or sharing an office with, female authority.
I'm drawing on experience with a couple of individuals I've encountered in life, as I try to interpret your situation. Are you a supervisor? Or on you on good terms with a supervisor? I think at this point, the behavior has continued long enough, and is egregious enough, that you should mention it. Someone should bring it up in his performance evaluation. It really is inappropriate.
It sounds like you did a lot for him, he should be appreciative and treat you with respect.
But it seems to me he's one of those who take what they can get from you and spit you out.
He doesn't need you anymore. Document everything with HR. He wants your job now.
I have made this comment in the beginning about a "default"-type of respect and I was a little admonished for it. It's from my upbringing. My family has always emphasized the need to respect the ones next to you (by default), no matter how they decide to behave. It's not at all the "respect" we are used to these days. It's more a form of good energy that we want to project and we really want projected in our direction. Like a flotation device that keeps you hoping that one day you can at least be civil.
This is a great way to START OUT with everyone, and it usually garnishes respect and mutuality. To continue affording this respect to an abuser, however, is foolish. You forfeit your personal integrity in doing so. The person you are dealing with is in full-fledged competition and will respond to your kindness by seeing you as a weakling to be destroyed. Offer him no kindness, no help, etc. Never sulk or show that he is getting to you, as he sees this as evidence of success. Go about your job as if he isn't there.
You are absolutely right. I've been doing this for a while. The problem is that it's too blatant and in my face, on purpose and in a very passive aggressive way, so it makes it quite difficult to ignore.
Take him aside after work in a quiet area, call him out on it again and tell him to knock it off with the chip on his shoulder. Get everything out in the open and if that doesn't work, then go to the manager.
You don't have to put up with this guy's attitude, especially if it's affecting your work and emotions. He's acting like a spoiled brat (and probably is). I feel sorry for his GF if he pouts like that whenever he feels insecure.
He's a co worker, you're not his superior. He's not doing anything thats really out of line. He doesnt have to like you. If he's acting like a jerk, oh well.
Why not just ignore him and do your job?
I agree with this. Just focus on your work, and leave him aside that's it.
This is a great way to START OUT with everyone, and it usually garnishes respect and mutuality. To continue affording this respect to an abuser, however, is foolish. You forfeit your personal integrity in doing so. The person you are dealing with is in full-fledged competition and will respond to your kindness by seeing you as a weakling to be destroyed. Offer him no kindness, no help, etc. Never sulk or show that he is getting to you, as he sees this as evidence of success. Go about your job as if he isn't there.
WOW this is strong advice! Thanks (to do this, though, I have to become a completely different person, but I'll try)
Take him aside after work in a quiet area, call him out on it again and tell him to knock it off with the chip on his shoulder. Get everything out in the open and if that doesn't work, then go to the manager.
You don't have to put up with this guy's attitude, especially if it's affecting your work and emotions. He's acting like a spoiled brat (and probably is). I feel sorry for his GF if he pouts like that whenever he feels insecure.
This is also a great suggestion. It would be a second time, though. I don't think he's that bad in his personal life and it's also not my concern. We work in sales and this environment can drive anyone crazy (not that I'm trying to find excuses for his behaviour). I'll do this right after Igo back from my vacation. Thank you
I have made this comment in the beginning about a "default"-type of respect and I was a little admonished for it. It's from my upbringing. My family has always emphasized the need to respect the ones next to you (by default), no matter how they decide to behave. It's not at all the "respect" we are used to these days. It's more a form of good energy that we want to project and we really want projected in our direction. Like a flotation device that keeps you hoping that one day you can at least be civil.
I'm thinking what you are referring to is more so common decency than respect. Either way, I agree with the other commenters. This is what appears to be a trivial matter blown out of proportion that needs to be tucked away in the "Look how many ****s I give bag" and continue working. Best of luck continuing to work though!
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