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I'm not anti-marriage nor anti-children. I am anti me having either.
Everyone has milestones in their life, just different ones. I can appreciate the celebrations without envy.
I agree with CapsChick. You might want to re-evaluate your choices.
So anyone who has decided on a childfree or anti-marriage life, how do you deal with the fact you won't hit some of life's biggest checkpoints?
I'm happy for my friends for having a family of their own. They're accepting of the reality I am not going to ever marry and most likely never have at least one kid of my own. I deal the reality by by focusing on my career and my passions.
I've been married twice but never reproduced. I've had a number of other long term relationships in my life. I'm in one now. My life is a collection of memorable events. Some of them were with a significant other. Many weren't. I also have a long list of career achievements that have nothing to do with long term relationships or reproducing. I've helped out people in real need. I've been there for friends and family. I like to think that when I'm dead, burned, and the ashes dumped in the ocean, I'll have made some positive contributions to the world. I don't need offspring to validate my existence.
As I come closer to hitting my thirties, I'm seeing my friends have the weddings, the baby showers, sending their kids to school for the first time, celebrating their parents 25th and up anniversaries. I'm seeing the joy in their eyes and more and more because of the life choices I've made, I get a little saddened when I realized these things will not be a part of my life. What I mean:
- I've decided that I'm not interested in marriage.
- I've LONG decided that I do not want any children.
- I've probably reached the height of my education career with completing a hard program.
- One parent is dead and one is done with looking for love (probably for the best.)
So anyone who has decided on a childfree or anti-marriage life, how do you deal with the fact you won't hit some of life's biggest checkpoints?
*Whose* life's biggest checkpoints? As in, who determines those checkpoints? How can I feel like I'm missing out on something that doesn't apply to me? My life has plenty happening in it (without kids or a significant other) without worrying about "missing out on" stuff that society or someone *else* thinks I should think is important. Travel, friends, hobbies, a fulfilling career... yeah, nope, not missing out
Well I almost got married but she died.. Not sure if it'll happen again because I am not open to dating at all. It wouldn't bother me if it didn't happen..
If you truly don't want marriage or children, there is no reason to feel sad when you see other people with spouses and kids. Just be relieved that you don't have to go through with it.
I know people who never married or had kids, they don't seem to care, they do their own thing, have lots of hobbies and friends. They might be a little sad at times, but who knows. A lot also depends on your salary. Do you have enough money to fulfill your life with hobbies and traveling? People on low incomes have less options for "fun" things. If someone can only afford to go home after work and watch t.v., they might feel unfulfilled after a while.
I have never wanted children, and have never thought of having children as "hitting one of life's biggest checkpoints." It's not one of MY checkpoints. I never give it any thought, other than "I'm glad we don't have kids," which does go through my mind fairly often.
OP, the sadness you are feeling probably means you should re-evaluate your choices.
YES, this. When I think about kids (rarely) it is only "I'm so glad I don't have them". We knew early on we couldn't afford them, nor had any desire for them. My siblings overpopulated at 4 kids, so I am virtuously abstaining to make up for them exceeding their 2.5....LOL.
My milestones were different. Already done my bucket list, so to speak. What's important to YOU??
Make that your milestone! Kids aren't IT for everyone.
LTR, now, that's different. I had a 17-yr. one that was not "different", commitment-wise, than my marriage. Find YOUR milestones ---could be travel, etc. Climbing a mountain, and so forth.
Sometimes I get sad when I see other people getting engaged and married. But I have not really chosen to be single either.
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