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I went through this with my friends & family. Some of them were jealous I was getting married and they used my fiance's country of origin as an excuse for disliking him and being "against" the marriage. I did not get the support I needed at an important point in my life due to other people's jealousy problem. When I got pregnant with my first child, I was scared to death they were going to have the same reaction. It's really a shame that people can't come together and support each other. Jealousy, envy and resentment seem to rule the day. I can't stand jealous people, they just make the world an uglier place.
Maybe you just like to think they were jealous? Lots of people assume others are jealous of them when that isn't always the case.
There are definitely a few people who I'd expect her to ask before me, but it's a possibility that I could be included too. It would depend on how many bridesmaids she wants.
Seems odd that you are close enough to be considered a part of her wedding, but not take the time to get to know her fiance.
Seems odd that you are close enough to be considered a part of her wedding, but not take the time to get to know her fiance.
I'll meet him when I meet him. He's already met her parents, siblings, and maybe some of her friends, so that's good enough. We have a big family and he doesn't need to meet everyone before the wedding.
I think you should vent that you have a close relative who is getting engaged and you haven't taken the time to get to know her fiance. ESPECIALLY because you have potential red flag concerns.
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I feel like that's always the assumption, which is why I feel bad for not being excited about it. But then I feel like I have to pretend to be excited about it so that I won't be accused of being bitter. I want her to be happy, but her engagement announcement made me uneasy. I even had nightmares about it. This hasn't happened in the past when other people I know got engaged.
Maybe you have the spirit of discernment? I understand where you are coming from but as you can see from many of the responses here, you can't really be honest on these forums as some will accuse you of being bitter or jealous.
I hate to admit it, but I'm an honest person. Of course I congratulated her and haven't expressed any of my concerns to her because I prefer to mind my own business. But I'll discuss it here. She's a fairly close relative, 35, never married before and no kids. Professionally, she's doing very well for herself. I think she's been dating her fiance for less than two years. I haven't met him yet, but other family members have. Truthfully, I haven't really wanted to meet him, but now that they're engaged, I assume I will. My concerns about the engagement:
1. She met him in his native country, and I wonder if he's using her to get US citizenship.
2. She's in the process of buying a house and now he's going to be moving in. I don't know what he does for work and how much money he'll actually be contributing. I think she's smart enough not to let a man use her as a free ride, but you never know.
3. She's not some naive woman who easily falls in love, so I shouldn't worry about her too much, but I also don't really trust men.
4. I'm glad she's happy and he might actually be a good guy. She's had several boyfriends, but I've never seen her really in love before and I've always thought of her as super independent, so maybe I'm just bothered that she'll be turning into a "married woman" like everyone else. Her Facebook post about her engagement got a lot of attention although people usually ignore the rest of the stuff she posts. It's like, your life isn't important to people until some guy decides to give you a ring? That's the only thing that's worth pressing the "like" button for? I'm sounding like a bitter, single woman right now, so I'll stop there. lol
In conclusion, I fully plan to support her and will try very hard to muster up more excitement than I currently feel.
Wow you have a lot of issues about your relative's love life! Maybe focus on your own. A woman can be independent and married at the same time. Ask my husband! Your issue is that you don't trust men. Well her engagement isn't about you! Can't you just be happy for someone?
[quote=ss20ts;48142940]Wow you have a lot of issues about your relative's love life! Maybe focus on your own. A woman can be independent and married at the same time. Ask my husband! Your issue is that you don't trust men. Well her engagement isn't about you! Can't you just be happy for someone?[/quote]
Maybe you have the spirit of discernment? I understand where you are coming from but as you can see from many of the responses here, you can't really be honest on these forums as some will accuse you of being bitter or jealous.
Thank you, I'm over it though! I don't have anything else to say on this topic, so we can all move on.
When I moved in with my now-husband of 20 years, my brother in law pulled me aside at a family gathering. He said, "You seem really happy. But I care about you, so I want to express my concerns. You haven't known each other for very long. Are you sure you're doing the right thing?" I reassured him that I was absolutely certain and that I was deliriously happy.
I know a lot of people would have been offended by his "interference", but I was very moved by his concern. It was a very "big brother" thing to do. I WAS offended by the relatives that were whispering behind my back instead.
Maybe you should just sit down and have a talk with her to alleviate your concerns.
And I had a completely different reaction than you when people said I was getting too fast. I told them to f off and mind their own marriage.....most of them were disasters! I've been married longer than all of those people. They ALL got divorced. I've been married for over 20 years. Not everyone is happy to be told they're rushing things. It's their life and people need to butt out.
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Can't you just be happy for someone?
