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I don't think the OP is jealous. I think she doesn't trust men to the point of having irrational feelings of impending doom.
OP, I myself am going through a phase where I couldn't possibly be less interested in men. Right now, I think they're the most tiresome creatures on the planet.
However, I also know intellectually that it isn't true. It's passing feelings based on some disappointing behavior of a man I trusted more than any other. I'll get over my trust issues in due time, but right now, I'm enjoying not having to think about any man at all. Enjoying the heck out of it actually. I'm a happy person in general.
My feelings don't rise to the level of a real belief that men don't deserve trust (though they must earn it). I can think of plenty of couples with amazing relationships. It's on ME that I have thrown the baby out with the bath water. I'm just tired right now and don't feel like engaging.
So, I understand your feelings, but I don't understand your projecting them onto other couples. Surely you must know some couples who are deeply in love? Why not assume that this is the case for your relative and her fiance?
I'm always thrilled when two good people find each other. It adds to the happiness in the world.
I don't think the OP is jealous. I think she doesn't trust men to the point of having irrational feelings of impending doom.
OP, I myself am going through a phase where I couldn't possibly be less interested in men. Right now, I think they're the most tiresome creatures on the planet.
However, I also know intellectually that it isn't true. It's passing feelings based on some disappointing behavior of a man I trusted more than any other. I'll get over my trust issues in due time, but right now, I'm enjoying not having to think about any man at all. Enjoying the heck out of it actually. I'm a happy person in general.
My feelings don't rise to the level of a real belief that men don't deserve trust (though they must earn it). I can think of plenty of couples with amazing relationships. It's on ME that I have thrown the baby out with the bath water. I'm just tired right now and don't feel like engaging.
So, I understand your feelings, but I don't understand your projecting them onto other couples. Surely you must know some couples who are deeply in love? Why not assume that this is the case for your relative and her fiance?
I'm always thrilled when two good people find each other. It adds to the happiness in the world.
You're right. I'm being hard on this guy for things that are out of his control. But meeting him like someone suggested earlier isn't going to change my mind about him. It wouldn't matter to me how nice and genuine he seemed because I know that people can seem nice and genuine and then later on you find out that it was all fake. So I'm just going to have to trust her judgment on this one and she's decided that he's worth marrying, so that's that.
So basically the gist of this thread is "I fully recognize that I am unfairly judging this man whom I have never met because of my own insecurities. And that's just the way it's going to be. I don't plan on allowing my opinion of him to be changed. Too bad, so sad."
And yet some people think we're being too hard on her? Ooooookay.
So basically the gist of this thread is "I fully recognize that I am unfairly judging this man whom I have never met because of my own insecurities. And that's just the way it's going to be. I don't plan on allowing my opinion of him to be changed. Too bad, so sad."
And yet some people think we're being too hard on her? Ooooookay.
I don't think it really matters what my thoughts are about him. It's not like I'm going to be rude to him or her. As I said, I'm not assuming he's absolutely going to turn out to be a fraud and a disappointment. I just acknowledge that there's a possibility that he might.
I don't think it really matters what my thoughts are about him. It's not like I'm going to be rude to him or her. As I said, I'm not assuming he's absolutely going to turn out to be a fraud and a disappointment. I just acknowledge that there's a possibility that he might.
Justify it all you want. I have the right to think it's a pretty<bleep> attitude to have about someone you know absolutely nothing about.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 05-11-2017 at 08:39 PM..
Reason: circumventing the language filter
I don't think the OP is jealous. I think she doesn't trust men to the point of having irrational feelings of impending doom.
OP, I myself am going through a phase where I couldn't possibly be less interested in men. Right now, I think they're the most tiresome creatures on the planet.
However, I also know intellectually that it isn't true. It's passing feelings based on some disappointing behavior of a man I trusted more than any other. I'll get over my trust issues in due time, but right now, I'm enjoying not having to think about any man at all. Enjoying the heck out of it actually. I'm a happy person in general.
My feelings don't rise to the level of a real belief that men don't deserve trust (though they must earn it). I can think of plenty of couples with amazing relationships. It's on ME that I have thrown the baby out with the bath water. I'm just tired right now and don't feel like engaging.
So, I understand your feelings, but I don't understand your projecting them onto other couples. Surely you must know some couples who are deeply in love? Why not assume that this is the case for your relative and her fiance?
I'm always thrilled when two good people find each other. It adds to the happiness in the world.
I think this post is a good example of being civil instead of jumping to conclusions and accusing her of doing things she hasn't even stated in the OP.
Also I don't see how people complain she's jumping to conclusions and then basically do the same thing. If you want to understand a person's mindset, jumping on the bandwagon claiming she's a horrible jealous woman isn't the way to do it.
You can be civil (like this poster), share your opinion, and try to enlighten someone without acting like jerk and being condescending. That's how fights and arguments get started. I can understand the hostility if she was expressing her thoughts to the bride and trying to ruin the wedding, but she's not doing that. She has stated several times she is not going to say anything to the bride and support her like adult should.
"I've always thought of her as super independent, so maybe I'm just bothered that she'll be turning into a "married woman" like everyone else."
This is totally not about him or her. It's absolutely about you. Your attitude sucks. No wonder you are single. You're incredibly judgemental. And wrong. Lots of married women are independent.
Justify it all you want. I have the right to think it's a pretty sh**ty attitude to have about someone you know absolutely nothing about.
True, I don't know him. So why should I assume that he has the best of intentions? I don't know that, so I'm saying things can go either way. Maybe he's an opportunist and maybe he's not. I don't have to trust him, so I'm not going to. All that matters is that she does.
True, I don't know him. So why should I assume that he has the best of intentions? I don't know that, so I'm saying things can go either way. Maybe he's an opportunist and maybe he's not. I don't have to trust him, so I'm not going to. All that matters is that she does.
By not giving him the benefit of the doubt, you're saying that you don't trust HER. When she's given you no reason to not trust her. I wonder how she would feel to know that.
I don't disagree with you. I think her Facebook post is what gave me nightmares more than anything because I saw it shortly before I went to bed.
I'm a relative, not a friend. I wouldn't say that I'm waiting for it to fail. It will either work out or it won't. Same as with any other marriage. I wasn't expecting Jesse Williams to file for divorce, but he did.
Oh my, I had to look up who Jesse Williams was.
So you didn't expect some actor that you don't know in real life to have marriage issues.
Alrighty...we see how realistic your views are.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hertfordshire
So basically the gist of this thread is "I fully recognize that I am unfairly judging this man whom I have never met because of my own insecurities. And that's just the way it's going to be. I don't plan on allowing my opinion of him to be changed. Too bad, so sad."
And yet some people think we're being too hard on her? Ooooookay.
I know.....LOL.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hertfordshire
Justify it all you want. I have the right to think it's a pretty sh**ty attitude to have about someone you know absolutely nothing about.
Spot on.
And 100% right.
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