Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Aren't multiple invitations to meet up enough of an indication of my intentions? Do you not think that he should be returning the invite, at least once?
Quite possibly he is not interested in friendship and is accepting your invites because he doesn't want to be rude,
Quite possibly he is not interested in friendship and is accepting your invites because he doesn't want to be rude,
This was my prognosis. But now i'm confused, because I sent him a message to the tone of 'why do you never initiate meet ups with me etc?', and now he wants to meet up this weekend.
ADD most certainly could be a contributing factor. I have it myself and part of the problem is that we have a poor sense of how much time has passed and I have always been a poor initiator. I've gotten much better at it b/c I realized that if I didn't step up and do some inviting, I wasn't going to have any friends. It's gotten easier over time.
This was my prognosis. But now i'm confused, because I sent him a message to the tone of 'why do you never initiate meet ups with me etc?', and now he wants to meet up this weekend.
Maybe he felt obligated.
Possibly.
After this coming weekend, see if he initiates anymore meet-ups (without being prompted) between the two of you in the future. If not, then you'll have your answer and can let this friendship go.
He is disinterested; that's why he doesn't contact you.
Leave him alone and move on.
How do you know this?
And if he's disinterested, then why does he accept the invites and appear to have a good time when he goes?
People with ADD often have problems making and keeping friends for the exact reason the OP has outlined in his/her thread--they have real issues with reciprocating interest and then they wonder why their friends stopped inviting them. I know because I have struggled with this exact thing all of my life.
If you're wondering--no, not everyone with ADD is like this but as my P-doc explained, everyone with ADD has it in their own way. If you read a book about the "disorder" you will see this exact social issue mentioned. Once I became aware of what was happening and how it was affecting my social life, I set out to change it and now I actually have a group of friends and it hurts my heart to think of all the fine friends that I've subconsciously alienated in this way.
And if he's disinterested, then why does he accept the invites and appear to have a good time when he goes?
Because I have ADD/ADHD, and I used to have a hard time saying no to people. I don't remember exactly when in my adult life that I finally learned how to assert myself, but it now goes in the opposite way: I shut them down right away, which is just as rude, but at least I'm not stringing someone along if I don't want them around.
I agree with you too, I alienated a lot of people early on, but now I think I've got it down (for me anyway). I have a few really good friends who stick around, simply because they know exactly where they stand with me.
I told him to message me where he wants to go and when. That way, he has a get out clause if he doesn't want to come.
And yes I think he's disinterested but that's up to him to sort out. In anycase, I gave him a chance to come clean when I raised his lack of "bluntness" before.
I stop at 3 invites... if they flake or pass after 3 then I let them engage the next interaction. If that never comes then adios.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
